Freedom is a word that takes on new meaning after loss. In this episode, I sit down with Tina Kadish, author of From Pain to Peace: A Mother’s Heartbreaking Journey Through Losing a Child and F.R.E.E.D.O.M.: 7 Steps to Thrive in Life and Business. She bravely shares her story of navigating the shattering loss of her daughter, revealing how she redefined freedom in the face of unimaginable pain. Prepare to be inspired as we delve into the potent alchemy of faith, mindset shifts, and the unwavering pursuit of purpose that propelled her forward. Join us for this heartfelt conversation on loss, legacy, and the strength to keep going.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World

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Finding Freedom: Overcoming Limiting Beliefs After Loss With Tina Kadish

My guest is another Tina, and she is going to share some information with you that is going to be helpful. In the process of writing two books, F.R.E.E.D.O.M.: 7 Steps to Thrive in Life and Business and From Pain to Peace: A Mother’s Heartbreaking Journey Through Losing a Child. In this conversation with Tina, she is going to share some very practical tips on keeping the memory of our loved ones alive. She’s also going to talk about the mindset that we have in life, the ability to lean into our faith, and other things that you’re going to find helpful. Let’s get into this conversation now.

 

 

Tina, welcome to the Widowhood. I don’t think I’ve ever welcomed another Tina to say that.

I know this is so awesome to be connected with another Tina. There aren’t enough Tina’s in the world.

Tina is my official birth name. Is that your full name also?

No, it isn’t. That is interesting. My full name is Constantina.

I’m so glad I asked you that.

I love that that is your full name.

It is. It’s interesting because my late husband’s first name was Mark and it was four letters. We always like the continuity of both having four letters in our first name.

I love that. That’s great.

I love that necklace. Sit back so we can see a little bit more of that. Do you recall where you picked that piece up from?

I don’t. I’ve had this necklace for such a long time and I totally forgot where I bought it. It could have been like a Macy’s type of store. I don’t think it was a boutique type of store. I used to wear it a lot more when I was working in my corporate career. Now that I work from home, I don’t put on a lot of jewelry.

Girl, sometimes we don’t even put on clothes.

I know. That commercial about what are you wearing below?

What did you think when you hear, “Welcome to the Widowhood?”

When we first connected Welcome to the Widowhood, it touched my heart because you have had a loss. I’ve had a loss with the loss of my daughter and you lost your spouse. There was that connection.

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Thank you for mentioning that. I am sorry about the loss of your daughter. It’s interesting because the loss is different and the loss is also the same. Do you find that people want to compare losses ever?

Yes.

What do you think of that?

People will say to me have said to me, “I’ve lost a sibling or lost a spouse,” but it’s never the same as losing a daughter. When I first thought of that, I was like, “Is losing a child more painful than losing a spouse?” There is no comparison. It’s different.

I think that that is the best. Some people ask me, “What is the worst?” I say, “Whatever thing you’re grieving is probably the worst.” Your current pain is probably exasperated to such a level that you’re wondering if you can endure this. That grief could be your help. When I went through breast cancer, I thought that was the worst thing I was ever going to experience. I didn’t know literally a year or so later what is now the worst thing that I would have ever experienced. I don’t find value in the comparison because I don’t think anybody wins. The idea is just to hold a space for someone in their pain, know that their pain is valid, and be able to do that.

Very true. Honor the space, respect the person, honor them, and not say, I’ll be honest here, stupid things that people say, “She’s in a better place. She’s at peace right now.” My daughter was 37 and I’ll share that more, but they don’t know what to say. People mean well. They just don’t know what to say to you.

Inspiration Behind Writing F.R.E.E.D.O.M.

I see your two books there and I have two of them here that we’re going to cover. Do you mind if I start with the seven steps to thrive in life and business?

No. Absolutely. No problem.

Thank you. I want to share that I thought this conversation would be beneficial to our audience and our community because of some of the principles in the Seven Steps to Thrive in Life and Business, I think they can relate to your personal life as well as business practices. For twofolds, there are people in my community that are recently widowed or widower and their financial situation is different and they may need to be reentering the workspace.

They may need to start a business and they’re looking for some encouragement. They’re looking for some motivation. They’re looking for a way to believe in themselves again and an inspiration. I wanted to start with that part of the conversation as we will talk about Daniela, but I did want to talk about this first, if that’s okay.

That’s absolutely okay.

What was the inspiration for this book?

The inspiration was when I was on a cruise ship. I’ll be honest with you, I had never thought of being an author. I was on a cruise ship with other speakers. One of my biggest goals is to be a professional speaker. I was on this cruise ship with other speakers and every speaker had a book. They were an author. I joined the cruise because I wanted to learn about speaking. I said to the host, “I want to be a speaker at your next event next year.” She said, “You have to be an author in order to speak.” I said, “I’m not an author yet.” I didn’t even know what I would even write. I had no idea.

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During this conference we had on the ship, it came to me that what I felt when I became an entrepreneur, being laid off was freedom. I said, “Maybe I could create an acronym around freedom. What does freedom mean to me?” That’s where I started with that. To be honest with you, it took me a few years to write the book, and to get it launched on Amazon. This was the first book I wrote, but it was the second that I launched. I launched my other book first. Took me less time to write it, too.

Did you go back and were you able to speak at the platform that originally motivated you?

No, she stopped doing the cruise. That was the funniest thing. She no longer does them. I was like, “That was the purpose of me asking her and I’d never thought to be an author.” I never did. That was my purpose to be on that ship. I wanted to be a speaker and I wrote the book and I worked with a copywriter, editors, my publisher, but that was my inspiration to be a speaker.

It served you well.

It did. It was the funniest thing.

The Meaning Behind The Dedication

I want to read this from the dedication and I want you to say what comes to mind to you now.

Go ahead.

“Finally, to my readers, may you achieve freedom in your life and never stop going after your dreams because you are worth it and deserve it.

Yes, because I feel that freedom is an important value for me. I feel that all of us as individuals should be doing what we love to do. Too many of us stay stuck in situations, careers, and personal lives where we are shackled and don’t take action. We don’t even believe in ourselves. I wanted people, primarily women, to believe in themselves, that they are worthy of success, and that they’re worthy to have freedom in their life or business, whatever situation you mentioned earlier.

Thank you for that. I believe that is true. I know for myself being a woman in the workplace, being a mom, having these different roles, and not that men do not, but there’s a different struggle, I think, in society for women to have our voice. Especially to my community of women who are widowed, that so much of our identity was rightfully so in this relationship with our spouse. When they are no longer here, we are trying to identify what our life purpose and meaning looks like.

I know the word freedom can seem harsh when you hear it in this space. This is the freedom that you have because it was given to us. People may not have wanted their spouse to no longer be here, but we’re in this space, spreading our wings, finding our new voice, and finding our purpose in our zeal and life because we are still here. I understand that it can be a challenge, but I think it’s a challenge that will serve you well if you embrace it.

You mentioned the key word here, embrace it, because yes, when you lose a spouse, you lose someone that you love, then you ask yourself, “What do I do now?” Sometimes, we stay shackled in our thoughts and in our lives. We don’t take action. We feel that our life is over when it’s not.

There is time and space to feel that way. At some point in time, we decide that we want to live and that we want to continue going. Those feelings are very much true.

Very true.

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Exploring The Table Of Contents And Writing Journey

I want to read the table of contents. I have a couple of places that I want to pick out here. I don’t want to give it all away, but I want a little bit of it. Chapter one, F, Faith, belief in a higher power is foundational. Chapter 2, R, Release, learn to let go of the outcome. E, Evaluation, step back and view the bigger picture. Chapter 4, E, Energy, attention follows intention. I had to read this, attention follows intention.

Chapter 5, D, Determination. Passion brings you through any obstacle. O, Optimism, utilize strategies for weathering the ups and downs of business and life. M, Mindset. A healthy and sound mindset is everything. Welcome to freedom is the conclusion. What was the timeline of writing this book from the passion of your daughter?

My daughter passed away in 2020. I launched my second book in ‘21. I launched this book, I believe, in ‘22. It took me over a year to write it. Before my daughter passed away in 2020, I was writing this book for a few years and it was in a file, not done yet. I was stuck on the cover page. When I reached out to someone who was a publisher, I said, “I want to be a speaker,” he says, “Do you have a book?”

I said, “It’s funny you say that I do have a book. It’s done, edited and everything. It’s ready to go. I’m just missing a cover page.” He said, “We’ll take care of it.” Within a couple of months, he launched it, but it was launched after my first book for some reason. It took me longer to write this story than it did my second book, which was sharing the loss of my daughter. It took me only eight months to write the second book. I already had the outline in my head of what I wanted to share. I wanted to share my story. It was like healing for me. That’s why.

There are healing properties in writing. Can you talk about that a little bit more, Tina?

What you’re doing is you’re writing down things that your thoughts are there, but now you’re getting them on paper and it’s like a way of you healing. It’s a way of you sharing your story and other people will see your story. I was inspired that other women need to hear about my story with freedom and how there were parts in the book that it was hard for me. I never dreamed that I would be an entrepreneur. I was so stuck in the mindset that I couldn’t do something. It was a way for me to share my thoughts on paper. I wanted to make an impact on other individuals that were on that career path.

Understanding Faith And Bold Promises

Thank you. I have one tab here and it’s underneath chapter one under faith. I have underlined this bold promise. That’s what I wrote in this section.

Bold promise.

What is faith? Oxford English Dictionary defines faith as having complete trust and confidence in something. Faith means believing that what we want to achieve in your life or business will happen. I believe that there is a higher power within or outside of our universe and all things are possible because of this higher power. Having faith ensures that you also have the confidence to achieve whatever you desire. If you believe that you will succeed and are willing to step outside of your comfort zone, you will reach your dream or goals in this lifetime. That is a bold promise and statement there.

It is.

In writing this on the cusp of your daughter’s passing, what did that look like for you?

Very interesting. Like I said, I had written this for my daughter’s passing, but I launched it after she passed. I didn’t make any changes to that even after my daughter died because what kept me through the loss of my daughter and then while she was going through was my faith. I believed that my daughter was going to live. I didn’t believe she was going to pass away. I had that faith. I had that mindset.

I tried everything to save her, but everything we’re going through, for me, my foundation is that faith. Things are not always going to go our way. They’re not. If we believe that things are going to, and it keeps us going through it. We don’t quit. We don’t give up our faith is what keeps us going no matter what challenges we’re going through. Any child. I feel that. This is my belief is that having that faith, now I believe in God. Other people may not, but my belief is in God and I know that they say God has a plan. To be honest with you, I’m still trying to figure that out.

What was the plan? Why did he take a young adult when she had so much to live for? That’s something we’ll never get an answer to. I’ll never get an answer while I’m here on earth. I have faith that she’s okay, that God doesn’t harm us, that she’s at peace. Hopefully, I do have faith that she is so, but I’m still struggling. Why did you take her God? We go through challenges. It’s like, “God, why is this happening? What is the lesson? What do you want me to do with this?” That’s what happened when my daughter passed away. I said to God, “God, I never thought this would happen. I just cannot believe this happened. What do I do now?” I said, “I need to share my story.”

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Thank you for being so transparent because sometimes people would want to be pretentious. I have faith. I trust God and I’ll be fine. I appreciate you saying, if I understand, many years later, it is still a struggle. Some days, it is fine. Some days, it is not. That reality is okay.

It is okay. What I’ve learned, because I’ve done a lot of research and reading on grief, is we cope with it every day. It’s part of our life. I’m a mother who lost a daughter. Is it my identity? No, it’s part of my life. I’m a mom who lost a daughter and I’ve been attracting other moms that have lost children. I was attracted like I met you and you have a podcast on widowhood. I said, “I want to share my story about the loss.” I feel that all of us need to share our stories, no matter how painful they are.

I agree with that because sharing stories is liberating. It allows us to say their name. It allows people to see, yes, we can have gone through a tragedy, but there’s some way that we can learn to keep going. This does not have to knock us out. It may knock me down for a bit, but it doesn’t have to knock me out. There’s the possibility to still have a life you enjoy, a fulfilling life for you. The duality of missing Daniela and still celebrating the successes in life is possible.

That’s true. That is a challenge. It wasn’t a challenge for me at the beginning, especially because of how I could be happy. It’s that survivor’s guilt. How can I be happy when she passed away? I really had a hard time with that is I can’t be happy. I’m a mom. I should be. I should have been going first because I thought, “She was going to be alive. I was going to I never thought I’d outlive her ever.” That’s part of the challenge when you lose someone, especially when they’re young losing.

If you lose someone at a certain age and like, they lived life. This was meant to be maybe, I don’t know, but you still miss them. You still have those saddened days, and you have the memories because that’s what keeps us going. I wrote about that in my second book the memories. We want to cherish the memories, not the pain, not that they were sick, but the memories. That’s what puts a smile on my face is the memories.

Evaluating Your Business And Personal Growth

Thank you for sharing that chapter three, Evaluation. “What does it mean to evaluate your business or yourself? Excuse me. I don’t need to inspect the way I do things. It’s all working. A-okay for me.”

The reason why I chose to evaluate for the E is because we need to look at the big picture and evaluate our progress. Look at our achievements. When we’re thinking of freedom. Freedom, to me, means to look at everything we’ve done. That’s part of freedom and celebrate the successes that we’ve got in our life and look at the things that maybe we’ve learned from those. It’s really going through an auditing process. You are looking at everything and what I have achieved or some lessons I learned or things that didn’t go so well. It’s really taking that snapshot.

How does one start a process if they’ve never been introspective? Any recommendations if I’m looking at this and saying, “I’m looking at this and everything is negative. I’ve not succeeded in anything. I just feel like there’s no benefit in doing this because nothing looks positive.”

That’s part of their mindset. First of all, if they turn it around and look at, “What have I done? What are you grateful for?” I think when we come from being grateful, we can shift it and not think all the negativity because there is a lot of negativity out there and this is where we are putting our attention on. Every day, I set an intention that I’m not going to focus on the toxic. When it’s bad yet it’s bad, but don’t be in that bad place forever. For example, people are saying, “Things are really bad in this world. I’m getting really anxiety and I’m fearful.”

When we step back, first of all, we cannot control everything. We can only control how we’re going to react to something and how we’re our attitude towards something. We’re not in control of what’s going on in the world. We can control how we’re going to do our life every day within our family, but it starts with us. That is my belief. It’s shifting your mindset to thinking of what are the good things that I’ve achieved. What skills do I have? What are the gifts that I can offer to the world?

What is the goal of that evaluation process?

It’s to assess your life, assess what you’ve achieved. It’s to be going deep into your life.

After doing that, what should be taken from that evaluation, and what should be done with it?

 

 

What to do with it is really like write down, “Let me set an action plan. What am I going to do to turn my life around? What am I going to do to turn my career around? Let me evaluate. Like I’m not happy with my job. I’m unhappy. I’m miserable. I hate my boss.” Evaluate the good things of the job and the bad things of the job. What am I going to do? What action am I going to take?

I was going to ask you, so the word action plan resonates with me. Everyone may have heard that word for the first time. Can you spell out what an action plan is and what that would look like?

Action plan to me is doing something, whatever that is. For example, want something as simple as I’m looking for a new job. I’m going to start researching online for a new job. It’s that one action, set a goal, and set a plan. I’m going to do this every day. I’m to spend some amount of time on my goal by let’s say, “Three months from now, I want to be out of my job or I want to be in a new job.” It’s actually writing down on paper the activities you’re going to take towards that big goal.

You’re creating some accountability to yourself by doing that.

Here’s the thing. Find an accountability partner. We let ourselves off the hook and we’d like, “I didn’t have time to look for a job. I’m busy. I’m tired.” If you had an accountability partner to check in with you, you might achieve it. I also look at it this way, Tina. How bad do you want to make a change in your life? What is the pain that you’re experiencing? A lot of times we don’t want to get out of our comfort zone. We want to stay comfortable and we want to complain.

We want it to be different.

We’re not taking any action. If you don’t change, if you don’t take action, nothing’s going to change. You’ve got to take the right size, whatever is comfortable for you.

How Optimism Leads To True Freedom

Thank you. Chapter Six, Optimism. What does optimism have to do with freedom? When we are optimistic, we have the confidence to see the successful outcome of something. I like that you didn’t put a label on it. You left it open so that the reader can put anything they need to in that space. Was that intentional?

It was intentional and here’s the thing. You’re not always going to be optimistic. I’m not painting a picture here that everything is great. Rose-colored glasses. However, during the challenges that we face, because that’s a life journey, there are always going to be those ups and downs. Even during that, ask yourself, “Tina, what can I do with this situation? I’m optimistic that it’s going to get better.” Now, when my daughter, she’s on her deathbed and I still say, “God, I know she’s going to be okay.”

Was I in denial? Maybe I was in denial, but I still had optimism. I think that it did give me the confidence to move forward. I think I handled it better than maybe some people. When I look at some other people that lost, they’re not able to do anything. They were totally doing nothing. I immediately went into action mode because that’s part of me. I immediately took action and wrote a magazine article and a book. There are days that I have pain and I also learned you got to feel the feelings. Don’t mask them. Something that I used to do a lot was masking.

I just moved forward. When my daughter passed away, there were many days I felt the feelings and it was okay. I didn’t allow anyone to say, “Come on. She’s been going for a while. Why are you still feeling this way? You should be over it by now.” Like I had people tell me, “Two years is a timeframe. After two years, you’ll feel good.” I’m like, “No, two years, really?” I was thinking maybe that is true. No, years later, I still think it will never go away. It may not be as deep as it was, but it’s still there. I think it changes over time.

Indeed. You said your daughter was 30 years old?

Thirty-seven.

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For someone to tell you in two years, you should be over it, I wonder, are they watching those words come out of their mouth? You carry this.

Therapist, Tina. I no longer use her.

Breaking Through Your Limiting Beliefs

I’m going to say less. I’m going to move to mindset, chapter seven. Limiting beliefs. What are your limiting beliefs? “My limiting beliefs over the years have been fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of success. Fear of not being able to devote to my business full-time. Fear of not having money to run my business. It begins with our mindset every day.” Are there any habits you are doing daily?

It does begin with mindset. If you notice, I ended the book with a mindset, not money, because I could have done money. Some of us think that having money gives us freedom, but not necessarily. I feel that mindset is what really gives us freedom. It’s because of how we think, what our beliefs are, and overcoming those limiting beliefs. Those limiting beliefs come from our childhood, our society how we’re raised. I always had a fear of being good enough. I stayed in a job longer than I needed to because of fear of being rejected and fear of not being successful. I stayed unhappy. I’ve stayed unhappy in a marriage.

I stayed unhappy in a job, in life in general, because of fear. It is huge for many of us to stay in situations because of fear. We don’t believe in it. We don’t. We keep our mind, I call it the head trash. We keep saying those things. “I cannot do this. I’m too old.” That’s the big one. I’m too old. If you’re over 50, you think you should just end your retired or, “I’m getting social security now. I’m done. I’m good.” You’re not done until you’re done. It’s over when it’s over. We stay in that mindset that it’s over for us. I’m too old. I cannot learn new things. That’s a limiting belief. We need to tell that.

What if someone told you, “Tina, you’re just so strong. Of course, you could do all of this.”

I was never that person. I was a very negative person. I was brought up with fear with the family. I was the oldest of an Italian immigrant family, and everything was rainy on that day. It was always a rainy day. It was always bad. It was always a problem. I had to shift my mindset. How did I do that is by reading a lot of books and working with mentors that I needed to really feed my mind with good things and not get wrapped up in the bad things out there. They come in, you see them, but my mindset is like, “I cannot control that. It’s not how it has affected me.”

Again, I look at, “I’m grateful for this.” I write down, “What am I grateful for?” Goes back to being grateful. When my daughter passed away, I said, “I am grateful that we had a great relationship. We traveled together. We had a good mother-daughter relationship. We talked multiple times a day. I miss her. I’m sad that she’s gone, but I remember those memories of when we had a good relationship.” It wasn’t always like that, but it had been for over ten years. We had a good relationship. I think that I may appear to be strong, but it’s a daily thing. Like, “Tina, it’s not easy.” Even, it’s not easy. Being an entrepreneur is not easy. Life is not easy.

I know life is not fair. We’ll say people say, “Life is not fair.” I go back to looking at the good things that I have. It goes back to gratefulness. What am I grateful for? Every day, I write three things I’m grateful for. There are days that, I’ll be honest with you, the only thing that I’m grateful for is that I’m awake, that I made it out of bed. Those are good. I’m awake. I didn’t pass away in the middle of the night. That’s a good thing. I can talk. Some people have it worse than me. When I look at that, some people have it worse than me.

Perspective.

It is perspective.

Thank you for sharing that because oftentimes, people see someone in this moment and they may feel as if this is how you’re living your life every day.

No, it’s not every day. There are money challenges. There are relationship challenges. I also had health challenges after my daughter passed away. I’ve had health challenges myself. It’s not easy. Life is not easy. I think that you build your character when I believe life is not easy because we look at things that happen and you say, “What did I learn from this? What can I do to make it better?” Again, it goes back to faith in God. It’s God. Every day, I read the Bible. Every day, I have devotionals. God is there with us. For me, that’s my belief.

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That cyclical process of all those things intertwined. It’s not just one letter. It is all of them together. It is.

It is.

Embracing Faith And Cherishing Every Moment

I want to read a paragraph from the conclusion. “I needed to have the faith that I could accomplish it. I needed to release it to the universe or, for me, to God so that it would happen. I evaluated my progress along the way and made changes as I encountered obstacles and challenges. I always needed the energy to accomplish my goals, which included a healthy diet, physical exercise, and the energy to conduct my daily activities. I needed to be determined every day and never quit.”

Never quit. Yes, I never quit quitters. I always had quitters never win and winners never quit. I’ve always thought of myself. When I was growing up, I never considered myself a winner. I see myself as a winner today, even through the challenges, because I look back in my life like I’ve done this, I’ve done that. I’ve made mistakes. We all make mistakes. What have we learned from those mistakes? God has a plan for me now. Like, what is the next step in the loss of a child? What do I do with this situation?

Speaking of Danielle, what are some of your favorite memories with her?

I mentioned earlier that we traveled. On our last trip, my daughter loved history. She was a journalist and she wrote blogs and she loved writing. She did. She loved history. One time, one year. I think the year before she got diagnosed with cancer in 2018, she said, “Mom, I want to go to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.” She loved the civil, like she loved it. I’m like, “Why would you want to go to Gettysburg?” That is like, “Really? Nobody would go with her. None of her friends would go with her.” I said, “I’ll go to Gettysburg.” It was a great trip. I learned a lot because my daughter knew her history, let me tell you.

She would explain things to me, but it was our last trip together. Had I not gone with her, I wouldn’t have kicked myself because she really wanted me to go with her and none of her friends would have gone with her. I know I was her second choice, but we had fun. It was a good trip. We drove down. It was beautiful. Those memories are there. That’s why I say, ‘What memories do we have of our loved one? What legacy can we create for our loved ones?”

That is beautiful. It also reminds me to take the trip, take the action, wear the dress, and use the china. Don’t put things off. You didn’t know that would be your last trip with her.

I know she wasn’t even sick at that time. She was not even diagnosed at all. I’m so glad that I took the trip because we don’t know if is our last day on Earth. Now, I’ve learned from this experience that I cherish the moments of being in the present moment because I used to be so focused on the past and the future. I never stayed in the moment. I’m more intentional with being in the present moment and appreciating more what I have.

We take things for granted, I think. It puts things in perspective. It really does. You’ve lost and my son, I make sure that I spend time with him. We do things together. We try to create memories with us, too, but we also continue my daughter’s legacy and what she loved to do. Continuing the legacy of my daughter.

Chapters That Resonate More Over Time

That is beautiful. I have one of the things that I’ll read is the table of confidence. “There is the shock of diagnosis, renewal of life without a child. Importance of my mental strength. The impact of the healing process, the purpose of creating a legacy, gratitude, and support, experiencing joy again from pain to peace.” In the table of contents, do any of those chapters particularly resonate with you more now than before?

What resonated with me more was having mental strength because that’s what kept me going was that mindset, “I’m going to get through this.” I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. There were days that I wanted to die. There were days it was so difficult because everything was not working. Chemo didn’t work. Nothing was working. My daughter had a bowel obstruction. She was in the hospital when COVID hit. I couldn’t see her for over a month. There were so many challenges during those eight months of her being sick because she died within eight months of having the diagnosis.

It was quick. I thought we would be able to travel. I never thought she was going to pass away. That’s the thing. That was not even in my mindset. I thought, “Life was going to be good again and she was going to learn from this experience.” My daughter was very unhappy with her life. She was depressed before this all happened. She wasn’t happy. I feel that maybe she got sick because of her emotions or whatever. Part of it was that her doctor didn’t diagnose her sooner than it was later than sooner and didn’t do any testing.

Remember your loved one and hold on to the memories of the happy times. Share on X

That was part of the reason, too. I feel that she got sick and nothing. She wasn’t diagnosed until like after five visits to the doctor. When she was finally diagnosed that she had something, they actually took a test because the doctor never tested her for anything. They just kept saying she probably had stress. It could have been her diet because her stomach was growing. The doctor didn’t do anything until what she did. It was she needed a hysterectomy.

We have to do this now. When they opened her up, they found cancer had already spread to other parts of her body. We did chemo and because that was the only treatment and it didn’t work. Treatment did not solve it. It was ovarian cancer. Ovarian is a type of cancer that rarely do you recover from it. She had a bowel obstruction. On top of that, she couldn’t eat. It was just horrible. COVID hit. It was just the worst. It was like, “Wow.”

That’s what happened, but what kept me going was that I was there for her. I’m going to do whatever it takes. I’m going to find a solution because I’m a fighter. I don’t quit. We kept going to different hospitals, and all kinds of other tests, and nothing worked. My daughter had resigned to the fact that she was going to die. She did. I never did. I said, “No, you’re not.” I was in denial. I realized that now I was in denial. I didn’t realize it because other people told me, “I saw she was going to go, but you just didn’t see it.” I said, “No, I wasn’t going to see it. I was looking for a solution. That was me.”

You were on Team Hope.

I was on Team Hope. When she passed away, I was with her. She flatlined in the hospital and I was there with her by myself. Nobody was in the room with me. She didn’t say goodbye to anybody because I really didn’t think she was going to go. Although the doctors kept telling me, “She’s passing, she’s dying.” I’m like, “No, she’s not. She’s coming home.” My whole family thought she was going to make it, but they never saw her. There was my daughter passing away in front of my eyes.

It was like I can’t believe this just happened. I was meant to be there with her because I fought to be there. The doctors would not allow me to stay with her because of COVID and I fought to stay with her. Thank God I did because I stayed overnight and she died in the morning. We woke up at 7:30 and she died at 8:00. Thank God I was there with her because we spent her last night watching her favorite sitcoms. Sat in the bed with her. It was a great memory, but I was there because her last words to me were, “Mom, I can’t breathe.” She couldn’t even press the buttons to the nurse. Thank God I was there to get help, but she flatlined and things I could do.

How much work has it taken for you to be able to share that story?

Even now, talking about it, I still have choking my throat. It’s still difficult. I still get tears because now I go back to the memory. I turn around and say, “She is better now. She’s better because she was not happy when she was alive. I took her because she was not happy and maybe he saved her, but it’s people that are left that are hurting remembering her.” I switch my thoughts to the happy times. Like I’m in a room. I’ve got pictures of her. I’ve got things that of her. I’ve got great memories. I wear her clothes and got some of her clothes.

We were the same size, same shoe size. I have her shoes, some of her shoes, her clothes, and some of the clothes, jewelry. This is not from her, but these are her earrings. I feel connected to her. I think that when we lose a loved one having that connection, that’s what I’m grateful for. How do you find joy in the book I share is really connecting to the memories and that I meant to do something with that story. That’s what people have told me “Your daughter’s time was done, but yours is not over. You have a purpose.”

That’s what we want to do is continue the legacy. Like I don’t want anybody to forget her. We don’t forget her. Her friends are still around. I’m still in touch with them. She had a great network of friends. We have dinner every two months, and we just talk about where she was. It’s continuing the legacy. That’s the goal, not remembering the pain, the cancer. That’s what I think my daughter would want. My daughter would not want us to be unhappy.

She went out. She wrote blogs. I found articles about how she said, “My mom and my brother tried to save me, but they should not feel guilty because I know they tried. I have that article.” It makes me feel good that he felt that way when she was going through it, but she never shared that with me. I found a blog because she wrote blogs for magazines and she journaled a lot. I’ve got all her journals, but we had a good relationship. She shared with me a lot of things.

Keeping A Loved One’s Legacy Alive

I’m going to change what I was going to do. There were some things in the book that I wanted to cover, but I just want to say I like how you talk about what happened in the chapters, but then you have a lesson learned at the end of the chapter. I think that’s an amazing pattern for the reader who may have lost a child that they’ll resonate with what you experience and maybe they’ll capture their own lessons learned and to spark within them there is something to take from this that just resonated with me.

You shared just briefly some amazing ways that you keep Daniela’s legacy and memory alive. That may be so hard for people when they’ve lost a loved one. Sometimes, people want to push all that away and put it in a box and not deal with it. You seem so vibrant talking about Danielle and sharing about her. Any other ways that you share your daughter’s existence and keep her name alive? I think that will be so encouraging for people to hear.

It’s about remembering your loved one and just holding on to the memories of the happy times and not the bad times. I have also gone down the road of what could I have done different. Could I have pushed her to change doctors because the doctors weren’t doing any testing? There’s some guilt that I have sometimes felt. My daughter was an adult. She made the decision that she had faith in the doctors. She had faith in the healthcare system. I don’t have faith in the healthcare system. There was a belief that I had that she didn’t have.

 

 

She has the faith. I didn’t have faith in the healthcare and going through this experience with my daughter. I definitely don’t have faith in the healthcare system, but they’re needed because I’ve been tested because I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I think two years after she died, my father was diagnosed with colon cancer a year after my daughter died. My dad is still alive. He’s 91 next week. He buried his first granddaughter. He had colon cancer and never needed chemo. I didn’t need chemo, but I was tested with finding the right physicians for my father and for me.

I did put my faith more in them, but I’m more of a holistic naturopathic type of person when it comes to that. My faith was tested. I’m like, “God, why did I get this?” I feel that the stress, a lot of times, what we experience might have caused it. Knock on wood, I have faith it’s going to get better. I’m going to stay more present with my health and take care of me first. It’s so important. You’re right about there are some people who have said to me, “I cannot do anything. You’ve done so much. You actually wrote a book.”

My sister and my son never read my book to this day, five years later. They will not read the book because they don’t want to be reminded of her death. They said to me, “How could you write this book?” I said, “Of course, I cried throughout the whole thing. As I was typing, I was crying, but I wanted the book. The lesson learned is I wanted people to apply and take something away.” What can they do? It’s going back to taking action. What can I do? Even if it’s crying all day and not doing anything, that’s okay because I’ve done that.

I want to share that I know when we are grieving, our brain is all over the place. This is an easy read. I like how you make it digestible. You talk about the topic and the lessons learned, and then there’s space in here to write for reflections and space to be able to take it in a piece and digest the lessons learned and then write down your own. It’s a good read. It gives you a reflection in a journal altogether. God bless you in one space.

Thank you. I wanted that. I wanted it to be a quick read because I’m not someone that likes to read a lot. I was thinking of the reader as if I didn’t want them to read this big book and go through a lot of pages. I wanted it to be a quick read with the application.

Tina, thank you for being my first Tina to be able to have another Tina on this show.

Thank you.

You have shared a lot of great tips and information. Is there anything else that you may want to cover that I didn’t ask you a question about?

No, you asked very good questions and helping me to go through it. No, just for your readers, let’s take one day at a time and be grateful for what you have and where you are. One day, I know that I’m going to see my daughter again. That puts a smile on my face. I feel that no matter what I go through in life now, nothing is worse than that. I feel that can get through anything. I do. I really believe that because in my life, that was the worst experience, the worst experience for me. I’ve gone through a lot of different challenges.

I never thought I would lose a child, a daughter. I asked myself, “I can’t believe this really happened.” If you had a crystal ball years ago, like when I look at her younger days pictures, I’m like, “She was going to go.” We didn’t know, but we’re not in control. That’s the thing. We’re not in control. It’s let go, let God. God is in control. That’s really what has kept me going. It’s my faith. That is really it.

Thank you so much. Thank you all for being here. I am sorry for your loved one that has passed and has drawn you to this conversation, but I am glad that you are here and I look forward to speaking with you again next time.

Thank you, Tina.

 

Important Links

• From Job To Joy
• Tina Kadish on Facebook
• Tina Kadish on LinkedIn
• F.R.E.E.D.O.M.: 7 Steps to Thrive in Life and Business
• From Pain to Peace: A Mother’s Heartbreaking Journey Through Losing a Child

 

About Tina Kadish

Tina Kadish, Business Coach, Author and Speaker, From Job to Joy, offers the tools and strategies to help new or aspiring female entrepreneurs discover their passion, live their purpose and create prosperity in their life.  She has over 20 years’ experience in the corporate world as a talent acquisition strategist and a training and development professional.

She is also the author of F.R.E.E.D.O.M. – 7 steps to thrive in life and business and From Pain to Peace – A Mother’s Heartbreaking Journey Through Losing a Child.

As a Business Coach, she empowers new or aspiring female entrepreneurs create a successful business that brings them joy, freedom and prosperity. Her mission is to foster an environment  where every woman feels free to live passionately, purposefully, and without constraints, embodying the essence of freedom in every aspect of their lives.

With a mission to build her Inner Circle Community of heart-centered aspiring female entrepreneurs building their businesses, Tina’s  passion is to empower women to live a life on purpose every day loving what they do and live limitless and fearless.  Her journey has been a testament to the power of faith, resilience, and courage to live life on her terms.