What if the secret to navigating your deepest grief isn’t moving on, but simply standing still? In this moving conversation, storyteller and communication coach Ryan Justin Jackson shares his deeply personal experience of witnessing his father’s transition and the spiritual awakening that followed. Learn how finding stillness in the present moment can help you navigate the profound trauma of loss, release fear, and reconnect with a love that transcends death.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.  

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World.

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Finding Presence In Grief With Ryan Justin Jackson 

Ryan, welcome to the show. How are you doing?

I’m doing amazing, Tina. Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure to be here.

When you say pleasure and widowhood, what’s the backstory in your mind when you think about that?

When I say pleasure, I love the mission of what you’re doing. It’s so fascinating because you reached out to me because you saw a post that I did on grief on TikTok. That is a post that I published in 2025. I had two people reach out to me and say, “How do I get through the passing of my father? How do I get through the passing of my mother?” This is very much needed. A lot of people are reaching out for this. The pleasure is that you’re doing work that’s healing a lot of people. That’s what I appreciate.

That’s fair. Who is Ryan? Someone who doesn’t know you bumped into you in the grocery store. You started talking. Who are you anyway?

Ryan’s Background And Work

I appreciate that. I grew up in Southern California. I’m the son of a motivational speaker in my dad and a mindfulness and meditation teacher in my mother. Between the two of them taught me to go after what I want while still maintaining being in the present moment. I grew up in Southern California, very much like a dreamer. I was a kid who loved to write and create. I played athletics, too. I was always a dreamer in that sense.

I love to share stories. Through my work in communication, storytelling, and writing, what I do now is help people find their voice. For people who feel nervous and anxious before they speak, we work on finding their center and their calm. I help them, from there, work on their voice, how they speak, and how they show up in the stories that they tell. I’ve always been a storyteller. I’ve loved to help people do that as well.

Thank you. You say we. Who is the we? What is the organization that you do that with?

The we is me, myself, and I. I’m strong. Me and the Lord, too. Between us, that’s the work that I do. I’ve worked with various folks with whom we sometimes partner together, but for the most part, I operate independently in this sense. The organization continues to grow. It may include other people eventually.

Someone’s tuning in and goes, “I was interested in grief, but I wanted to speak better. I wanted to do better in presenting myself.” How would they contact you? What name is that, if it’s your name or organizational name?

They can find me on my website, RyanJustinJackson.com. All of my social media is also at @RyanJustinJackson. I had to add my middle name in there because you do Ryan Jackson, and it’s just a bunch of baseball players that you find. That’s how they can find me.

You mentioned your dad. Let’s go back to 2020. Walk us through what happened.

Witnessing His Father’s Transition

My dad had undergone hip surgery. This was an operation he had been wanting to do for a while. I moved to Atlanta in 2017. My parents called me up a few months later and said, “We’re thinking about moving to Atlanta, too.” I was like, “You guys didn’t tell me that.” “We’re already here. Come through. Check us out. We bought a house.” I was like, “You guys are crazy.” It was crazy because I had moved out here by myself, and then they eventually followed me.

They didn’t say they didn’t follow me, but they did follow me. It’s a blessing to have them here. It’s a blessing to have family close, particularly during that time, because it was the middle of the pandemic. I was in the middle of Atlanta. They lived on the outskirts, 45 minutes away. I was working from home. My mom was worn out from trying to care for Dad because being a caretaker is a challenge. She happened to call me that Friday. We speak every day. I called her.

I could feel that she was worn down and said, “I have a break in between work. Let me come over there and spend some time with you guys. You can go lie down. I’ll help Dad with stuff around the house.” I showed up at the door. Dad was there with his walker. I knew Dad was an athlete growing up. As a kid, he would run up and down the hill miles and miles at this hill behind our house in Southern California. I always remember him as being this strong man who would run miles and miles.

Seeing him there with the walker on was a different contrast. Nevertheless, he was excited to finally start walking again. We sat down. He was fine. We were just having a conversation. I said, “Let me go out and get some food.” I grabbed some food. I came back. He opens the door. I let him in. He says, “I’m going to go lie down.” I said, “I’m going to sit here and eat lunch.” Mom is upstairs resting. As I’m eating, all of a sudden, Tina, I hear this bang. It felt like a tree was falling through the house or something had fallen.

I go up to the door where Dad is because he had closed the door behind him. I put my ear. I’m listening. I was like, “Whatever that noise was, it wasn’t Dad because I could hear him snoring.” It made me laugh because when he snores, the whole house rumbles and shakes. You could hear him snore. I sit back down. I was like, “I guess everything’s fine.” My mom calls me. She said, “What’s that noise? Did you hear that?”

I said, “I heard it, but I thought it might’ve been you. You dropped something.” She said, “It wasn’t me.” I go and knock on the door again for Dad. He’s not answering. I could hear him snoring. I pushed open the door. He’s not in his bed. I turned to the left. As I’m walking in, I go into his room. There’s a hallway that leads to his bathroom. I find him lying on the floor on his back. The snoring wasn’t him snoring. It was him struggling to breathe. That’s what the sound was.

Immediately, I went over to him. “Dad, can you hear me? Can you see me?” He reaches up. He grabs me by both of my arms. He nods that he can hear me. I’m yelling to Mom, “Mom, call an ambulance.” I’m not sure Mom’s hearing me because we’re downstairs. She’s upstairs. I’m like, “Dad, hold on.” He’s not letting me go. He’s got this iron clasp on me. Eventually, I have to let him go. He’s slipping. He’s lying back.

Mom turns a corner at that moment. She’s on the phone with 911. She hands me the phone. I’m on the phone with the dispatcher. We’re practicing. She’s giving me instructions to give him CPR. It was interesting, Tina, because he was looking past me. He was seeing something that I wasn’t seeing. In that moment, I could see his eyes start to close and saw him transition in that moment. The ambulance comes. They’re doing CPR, but I know he was already gone up until that point.

What was it like witnessing your dad transition?

You know that you are supposed to outlive your parents. It doesn’t always happen that way, but that’s all we’re conditioned to bring up and believe. In the back of our mind, we know it, but no one ever prepares us for it. No one prepares for you to experience it in that way, in that moment. You always hope that if your parents do go, or people you love do go, they go quietly in their sleep. You’re prepared. You have time. This was a complete and total shot. You try to conceptualize it. This person has been with you for all your life, for decades. All of a sudden, they’re gone. They vanish.

I remember almost wanting to go into the past. It was the strangest thing. I wanted to perform some mental gymnastics, bend time and space. That somehow, I can go backwards and change this, but you can’t. It was this feeling of helplessness. It was this feeling of, “I don’t have as much control as I would like to believe.” There is so much in life that I don’t have control over. As much as I tried to think the opposite, there’s so much I don’t have control over. There’s powerlessness. It was a sense of loss. It was a sense of I don’t have control. It was shocking.

Navigating The Immediate Aftermath Of Loss

Thank you for sharing that. The days, weeks, months, time after, how did that evolve for you?

It was like walking through a haze. Shortly after that, the romantic relationship that I was in had ended. I’m in the middle of the pandemic. Dad is gone. The woman I was dating is gone. I’m here caring for Mom. I don’t know why I only gave myself a week, Tina, but a week later, I’m back at work on top of that. I’m trying to work, care for Mom, help her with her bills, and help her around the house.

It felt like everything had fallen on top of me. I knew my dad as a very strong man growing up. He was a motivational speaker and a motivator. He took care of the house. He was protective. I talked about how he would run up and down the hill. As a kid, he would take me out there with him. He’s like, “You’re going to be strong. You can play sports. You get out of here with me and do this.” It was tough trying to keep up with him.

I remember one time. This hill was on the back of Holmes. On the side of it are the San Gabriel Mountains. It’s this deserted back area. A police helicopter had started to hover over us and come low because they assumed that we were doing something nefarious. As a teen, I kept my head down. I was intimidated, but my dad had his chest out and threw up his hands. “What? We’re supposed to be here.” That was the type of man that he was.

He was always taking care of Mom and everything. This powerful figure there ahead of my life is gone. All his responsibilities have now fallen on me. It was a moment where I had to man up in a lot of ways, to push myself, and to be there for others, even though at the same time, I had to try to be there for myself. It was a challenge. I had to present this face of being strong. “I’m the man. I’m taking over for Dad,” but I was hurting on the inside. I was scared on the inside. I didn’t know what was going to happen, what to do, or how I was going to make my way through this. It was a lot to manage all at once. It was a challenge for sure.

If you were to speak to Ryan at that moment based on everything you know now. How would you have told him to navigate that time?

The Transformative Meditation Retreat Experience

I would tell him to be patient because the healing is coming. I shared this with you, Tina. As I said, my mom was into mindfulness and meditation. She raised me in that. That is what I reached at that moment. I was doing meditations. I was going through what was in the middle of the pandemic. I was leaning on everything I knew and listening to meditation tapes. My mom and I would sit, meditate, and pray together.

It got to a point, though, Tina, even though we’re in the middle of a pandemic, I was like, “I got to go. There was this meditation retreat coming up.” I was like, “The only way I’m going to give myself space to be able to help her, help myself, and continue my work is to have to take a moment and take a little bit of the risk.” This was months after the pandemic. We didn’t know what was going on. I went to this retreat. It was in Cancun. It was an hour per meditation going off throughout the day.

The first one, we’re sitting in this cold conference room. I’m cold. I’m trying to focus but I can’t. The music’s incredibly loud. I’m like, “Why did I come here? Cancun is beautiful. It’s hot outside and warm. I’m sitting in meditation trying to reach who knows what and how.” I was like, “I paid this money to get here.” They got on a break. They’re like, “Go outside. We have our next meditation coming up.”

I said, “Let me try this one more time.” I sat down. At that moment, Tina, for some reason, I was inspired to call my dad. In those past months, I hadn’t had any visions of him, or I hadn’t felt like I felt his presence. It’s just a void that was there. I was inspired to call him at that moment. At that moment, Tina, we had blindfolds on in the meditation. I could feel an energy so strong and electric that it literally knocked me off my chair. I’m on the floor. I can feel this surge of energy radiating through me. It’s not painful, but it’s constricting in many ways.

I am not a person who tries to show off and perform. I am a back row, that low kind of dude. I’m not trying to bring attention to myself, but there was something taking over me. This woman, who was part of the staff, was walking throughout the auditorium. She saw me. She picks me up and puts me in my chair. I assume the woman by her voice, but I had my blindfold on. In that moment, I had the unmistakable feeling, knowing that my dad was there with me.

It was this radiance of presence that overflowed and poured through me. It was this presence of forgiveness. I love my dad, but he and I didn’t always see eye to eye. We have moments of disagreement. There were some things that I didn’t feel comfortable with what he did, and vice versa. All that washed away at this moment. I could feel the forgiveness and the love pour through. It was unmistakable that what I was feeling was my dad. I started to cry right there in the chair.

The woman who had helped put me back into my chair must’ve seen me start to sob. She came over. She gave me a hug. She says, “You’re in the right place.” Mind you, just an hour before, I was thinking about leaving. The universe, in all the ways, conspires to let you know that it is surrounded by a blanket of love. We don’t always see it. It is letting you know that it’s always conspiring for your good. When you ask what I would have told myself, I say patience for that moment because that moment was coming. It was that realization that, though Dad had transitioned, he was not gone. His love is still very much there. His presence is still very much there.

For the person who’s tuning in and has never had some type of spiritual moment encounter or feeling like their person still exists, what would you say to them?

What I found is that it’s hard to feel their presence when we are still suffering as if they’re gone because they’re physically gone. It’s almost like the electromagnetic wave scale. We only have access through our visible eyes. It’s broader than that. I’m not a scientist, so this is just a Ryan-dude-likes-to-meditate interpretation. They are at a different frequency, but it’s a frequency of love.

Love and fear create a mixed signal. Sometimes, for me, I’ve had to let go of the fear and pain as best as I can. That’s extremely difficult. Particularly when someone you love is gone. In those moments where I feel that little bit of space in my meditation, where there’s this clearing. I’m not suffering in grief, or where is he, or how come this didn’t happen this way, and still. That’s when I find that I have access to this feeling of knowingness of presence beyond what I can see.

One thing that blew me away was that I had met this woman not too long after that, maybe about a year. I told her about the meditation retreat. She’s like, “That’s a meditation retreat I want to go to.” I had sent her a picture of it because they had taken a picture of me as part of their marketing material. She has shared it with a friend. The friend is a medium, but she knew nothing about my story. She sent it to her friend. “I met this guy. Look at this cute guy.”

She looks at the picture. She’s like, “His dad’s there with him.” This woman knew nothing about me. Nothing about that story. Her intuition said, “I could see his dad there with him.” The picture is me standing at a beach in the sunset. That’s all it is. There’s no one else in the picture, but she felt that in her presence. That was my truth. I know for some people, that feels extraordinary. It’s extraordinary to me when I say it out loud. I’m like, “It’s wild.” That was the gift of my dad’s transition. He showed me that love transcends death.

Mindfulness As A Healing Tool For Grief

In all of that, in the teaching of mindfulness. How can that help someone who is grieving, with anxiety and stress? What have you found in that for you and others?

I have found that it is a practice. It’s not something that you sit once, and all of a sudden, you feel better. It is very much like going to the gym and something that you have to practice moment to moment. It has been one of the more healing tools that I’ve found because every single problem that I have is something that is past or that I’m anticipating. If I sit here in this moment and all this space that’s here now, I’m just noticing the trees that are outside.

I can feel the breath in my body. I can notice the stillness of the air around me. It’s nothing else. Only at this moment. There are no problems at the moment. I have to go a minute to the future or a minute to the past to find the problems, but right here, there are no problems. That’s the practice. It’s work. It’s a moment-to-moment feeling of stillness. That stillness carries you moment to moment. You’re noticing how much space opens up when you’re willing to notice it and allow it in.

As a Black man in America, what would you say to your brothers?

I got some Cherokee in me, though. My mom always said I got some Cherokee in me.

My bad. It’s even more complicated. What would you say to your brothers who are hearing that and going, “That’s woo-woo. We got stuff to do?”

This gives me the power to do the things that I need to do. This is not inaction. This is not saying that this is going to solve all of your problems. What I’m saying is this gives me the clarity and the space to be able to perform the actions that I need to show up for Mom, care for her, get back to work, and do what I need to do.

I need to remember my dad’s story, and carry with me all that he taught me so that I can continue to be hopefully a light to the world and the work that I do. This isn’t sitting in a room, meditating, and doing nothing. This is clearing the space. Empty the cup so that you can be transparent and an inspiration to be able to do what you need to do in the world.

In the space of men, the word strong is often connected. How would you be able to convey this mindfulness practice to strength and something that men need?

One of the things I’ll say is that it’s not for everybody. There are many tools and practices. I’m not saying that this is the only one. For those who gravitate towards it and are interested in it, it’s an incredible source of strength. You are tapping into a strength that’s greater than you. That’s what I found. Something greater than me has poured through and given me inspiration, healing, clarity, and direction. These are things that I would not have been able to find on my own.

You have to be willing. There’s a willingness that starts here. It’s a willingness to open yourself up to it, which is scary. It’s scary for many people because they’re like, “Am I opening myself up to entities?” I’m not saying any of that.I’m saying open yourself up to your higher being, who you want to call God, the universe, or whatever the case you want to call it. I’m telling my dad’s story, that moment, and that presence gave me beyond a doubt that there is more than what we can see. I know this because I felt and experienced it. For those who have a similar inkling, feeling, or knowing, I continue to trust and allow that.

You spoke about your mom being the mindfulness teacher. How has that been part of her grief journey? What does her grief look like?

Allowing Feelings To Be Messengers

She’s a big source of inspiration for me. She was with dad much longer. They built a family together. It grew. It was extremely challenging for her. She has leaned into this idea of mindfulness. Mindfulness gets misunderstood because people think of the thoughts, but it is about your whole being and your whole self. It is about allowing the feelings that come through, being willing to sit with them, and letting them come and go.

She has been an instrument and a teacher for me. She has always told me that thoughts are going to come and go. The feelings are going to come and go, but if you’re willing to sit with it for a moment and allow it to be, because we always want to distract ourselves from those feelings. Sit with it for a moment. Allow it to be. Let it come and go, because it will come and go. You’ll notice that there’s a clearing in a space.

Those uncomfortable feelings get energized because we want to push them away, run from them, or push them down. That energizes them. It’s the opening and the space. My mom always says they’re messengers. They’re here to give you a message. You have to welcome them in because they have information for you. It’s scary to a lot of people because it’s a lot of energy flowing through, especially the grief. I’ve found that to be true. I’ve found that these feelings are signals that help me bring myself back closer to myself. In that way, they’re extremely valuable.

For someone running from all their feelings and running from grief, it’s not serving them well because eventually, it’s required to some extent.

I’m curious for you, Tina. You’re doing this work, and with Mark’s passing. You’ve worked with so many people around this. How do you find that people generally manage grief where there are misunderstandings? What has been your process to get there?

Observations On Unhealthy Coping Skills

They are going back to work in a week. They are going back to not wanting to let this get to them. “I’m not going to let grief knock me down. I’m going to use what I found are some very unhealthy coping skills.” One is saying, “The universe did this to me. This is an attack.” There’s the idea of, back to something you mentioned earlier, not realizing how much control we don’t have. Instead of saying, “If I did this, I could have made this different.”

Other people use very unhealthy coping skills to try to numb this pain of grief, which can come from overusing anything. It can be overindulging in exercise when you find out this is all you’re doing because you need to numb. It may be drinking. It may be sex. It may be working overtime for somebody else. There’s the ability to isolate because when we engage in life, we engage in experiences that we did with our loved ones often. That causes pain.

People don’t want pain, but don’t receive the message. They are all in their head. They’re alone. I find that because grief, this profound trauma, is not something you can see. They minimize the impact on our entire body and our being. They’re often showing up in spaces uncharacteristic of who they are. Everyone else around them can see that they are bleeding out from this pain, but they refuse to be proactive and deal with it.

That’s what I’ve found more often than not with people. After some time, they’re exhausted from all of this. They are now searching for something different and better because all of those things did not serve them. They find themselves in a space where they say, “I feel like I’m stuck or I feel like this just happened. How do I feel differently?” It requires different actions. I didn’t go back to work for three months. I couldn’t. When I went back, I was like, “I don’t care about anything you’re all talking about.”

I started seeing a therapist the week before I viewed my husband’s body. You go to college and get a master’s or PhD to do the job you’re doing. What guidance am I going to have to navigate this new version of life that I was not prepared for mentally? I needed someone to help me through that. My siblings and my friends have been my anchor. Talking it through and journaling have been helpful tips for me to not keep it inside and be honest. The man I spent 32 years with stopped breathing. What are we doing now?

I relate to that. It puts so much in perspective. It made me so much more compassionate with people. I was letting silly stuff go, things that don’t matter. We spend so much time and energy on a lot of things that don’t matter. The transition of the loved one shows us that we have a finite amount of time. Let’s direct that energy in a way that’s meaningful and helpful and is inspiring you and other people. I totally resonate with that.

Thank you. Would you share your dad’s name with us?

It was Walter Jackson, Jr.

How have you and your mom grieved differently or maybe not?

She reminded me to feel. I was like, “I have to put on a front. I have to get back to work in a week. I have to help Mom.” I’m pushing through. She was an example of letting yourself feel what’s happening. That’s true for many men. We push it down because we’ve been conditioned for this archetype of what we think a man should be. That clearly wasn’t healing or helping. She taught me how to allow myself to feel. Amazingly, the feeling part was the part that led to the healing. It is about allowing those feelings to come and go, but they have to be felt. She always gave me this phrase. She always says, “You have to feel it to heal it.” She would always say that to me.

How was that “feel it to heal it” part of your memoirs? How was that part of the book that you’re writing?

Reliving The Journey While Writing The Memoir

I was sitting through the process and reliving the journey again, as I’m writing the memoir about my dad’s transition. There’s the discovery that death is just a terminal, in the sense that a terminal in a train station is a transition from one moment to another. It is not the end. All those feelings come up again. That experience comes up again. I’m feeling myself back in the room and giving him CPR. How terrified and sad I was at that moment. I was allowing those feelings to come up again, because that, too, is information. That, too, is saying, “You haven’t completely felt this enough to where it’s gone. It’s still here.” That’s a good thing.

Those are things that need to be allowed and then released. They give me an opportunity, as you’re doing, to help other people. So many people have reached out to me from that one video. I’ve been heartened to be able to share my experience with them. People reply and say, “That’s so helpful for me. Thank you for sharing that.” I hope this book will be helpful to other people, too, who are struggling with that moment, as many of us do, and give them inspiration to see that that person’s love isn’t gone. It’s still very much with them.

What do you think about the people you have connected with on social media versus what people may say it’s going to be like when you actually connect with someone a little bit more than a glance?

I got into social media to get into this. Prior to that, I wasn’t on any social media. I like to just keep to myself. This has been a new experience for me for sure. I’ve appreciated how you have complete strangers who can open up and share what their journey is. I’ve been blown away by people who will share their journey with me unsolicited. They send me a DM and say, “I’m going through this. It’s challenging for me. What you said made a lot of sense. Any advice?”

Those are very courageous people. To be able to bear your heart like that and share with someone whom you don’t know, and you don’t know what they may say, is courageous. I’ve been heartened by the journey. I’ve been heartened by what people have shared. Hopefully, what I share continues to help them as well. It’s been a blessing.

What do you think your mom will say when she tunes in to this show?

You know moms. She loves everything I do. I put out something. “He’s the greatest ever.” She sends it to all her friends. I’m like, “Mom, it’s a fifteen-second video.” I don’t know if I deserve all this, but she’s one of my biggest supporters. When I was growing up, my dad would say, “You’ve got to be a speaker. You’ve got to get out there.” That was not an aspiration of mine. I was in entertainment. I was acting at the time. I was doing commercials and writing screenplays. That’s what I thought I wanted to do.

In a way, that training is coming back to me now, doing public speaking and helping people find their voice and get past their limitations. All that comes. He always wanted me to do that. She always said that he had a vision and a foresight, that he had a way of seeing things about people that they didn’t necessarily see in themselves. It’s funny that I’m doing this work, even writing a book about him, and carrying his legacy forward.

His book was called Sporting the Right Attitude. He came from a very violent family background. It was abusive. His dad was abusive to his mother. There were fights, dad died, getting stabbed in a nightclub, and a lot of teen pregnancies. He came from a traumatic upbringing. He always wanted to bring that and share what he learned there to help people sport the right attitude. There are difficult moments. She would say, “Your dad is proud of you. I’m proud of you. He would be heartened that you’re carrying this message forward because he wanted to help others. You’re doing the same thing.”

That would be your mother’s version. What would be your version of what Walter would say about where you’re at and what you’re doing?

He would love it. He would say, “You’re doing a fantastic job, but I’m a better speaker than you, though. I’m a little bit better than you, though.” He was competitive in that way. He was always competitive, but he would be thrilled, too. I can always feel his presence with me.

Final Advice To Listeners Feeling Alone

For the audience who feels alone, and they’re reading this conversation, what would you say to them?

I know what you’re feeling. I’ve been there. I felt that lonely moment. I felt that moment when I woke up in the middle of the night. I’m looking out at the dark and it feels like the darkness is endless. I don’t know if I’m going to find my way out of it. There is a light at the end of the darkness. I was going to use the word faith, but sometimes, faith gets misconstrued as this thing that you’re hoping is out there, but you’re not sure is out there. I know it’s out there. I know the healing is out there.

I know there is an end to what you’re going through. You don’t have to go through it alone. There are people around you. Reach out, even if you have to reach out to a complete stranger or a practitioner. Don’t go through it alone if you’re feeling overwhelmed. On top of that, the person you are missing is not gone. They’re very much still present. With a little bit of willingness, practice, and trust, you can start to feel a glimmer of their presence with you, if you allow it.

Ryan, thank you for sharing your dad with us.

Thank you, Tina. I appreciate all the work that you’re doing. You are doing such inspiring work. Thank you for being a vehicle for healing and for wholeness and for people finding their way through what has been a very difficult moment for many. Thank you for being you.

You’re welcome. I try to give my guests an opportunity to be the host. Do you have any questions for me?

What would you say to yourself now that you’ve had so many stories and conversations? Being a vehicle for helping others through this, if you go back to that moment with Mark, what would you have said to yourself then, after all of your experience now?

I honestly would tell myself, “You did well. You took time. You allowed people to help you. You didn’t put on a superwoman cape and pretend that you could navigate this.” I allowed myself to fall apart at work. I allowed myself to fall apart in the grocery store. There was no part of me that was trying to even find a mask to the point that it had my door unhinge. I’m driving. She’s like, “You passed the exit.” I was like, “I’m sorry. I’m not here.” She’s like, “What?”

I remember when my brother came the day after my husband passed. I had the keys in my hand. I was taking us to the funeral home. My brother goes, “I can drive.” I said, “I can’t.” He said, “You can’t.” I said, “You’re not wrong.” I gave him the keys. In the funeral home, when we were getting ready to leave the house, my son said, “Can I have Dad’s watch?” Up until then, I was focused on my husband. When he asked for his watch, I was like, “Tina, their dad, who has gone to every soccer practice and every soccer game, is no longer here.”

I remember being in the funeral home and thinking, “All the choices my husband and I made together as a unit. I need to allow our children to now be part.” Our children were adults when their dad died. “I need to allow them to help determine what this service would look like and help them determine all the different parts of this.” It was at first just going to be me coming in. I was like, “This is their dad.”

There is a video and a picture of my son carrying his dad’s casket into the hearse. It was like, “This is not going to be the same.” I’ve given myself permission. Even though the children are adults, as you said, Mama’s still going to be Mama. I cannot parent them as their dad would. I was struggling a lot with that, going, “This is Tina’s version.” One of my friends at work said, “Your kids only have you. You’re tough.” I was like, “I can’t be faulted for that. It worked when it was good cop, bad cop.”

Being at peace with God allowed me to take them on the rest of this journey, and then I’m enough. I was coming to solace with that. Still, nine years later, I was honoring my late husband, without any doubt at all, and in an amazing way, to find a new life partner, a husband. He allows me to do that, without feeling jealous and intimidated, and is very confident and strong in who he is to encourage me in doing the work that I’m doing.

I’m glad that my husband and I had conversations about what our life would look like in each other’s absence. A lot of people struggle with, “I would feel guilty or I don’t feel right to continue living.” I’m actually writing a book called The Five Widows Club. One of the women in the book is named Ava. Her husband passed. She received a life insurance check and was struggling to cash it. There was mental gymnastics of what that looked like. I won’t share that part, but she struggles with that, that life is continuing, and how do I do that and honor the person that I love?

What was most surprising was the people that I’ve connected with that had horrible relationships with their person, people that struggled with caregiving, people that are in non-traditional relationships that don’t have society approval for the relationship, and people whose spouses or loved ones have taken their own life, the struggle that they have in receiving support.

People often go, “They killed themselves.” It’s like, “That doesn’t mean I still don’t hurt.” Being in a space to give people safety in those different experiences that are not similar to mine, but something you said earlier. This experience has allowed me to have empathy and care in ways that I didn’t have before, because I have endured such a great loss.

I love that. I mentioned that quite a few people have reached out to me asking for advice. I share as best as I can from my point of view, but what do you notice that folks get wrong about helping others through grief?

Back to something you said earlier, I cannot give you advice on a one-line conversation. I don’t know enough about your situation to give you true advice. What I can do is give you validation. I can relate. I can give some very broad suggestions. I find people on social media reaching out to someone. If that person giving the information is not taking care of themselves and coming from a place of wholeness, which I don’t know is the right word.

They’re not doing their own mental work, not exercising, not drinking water, not sleeping, pouring out from their own pain, and giving people their version of what it is. Versus hearing someone’s situation and speaking to that directly, then be cautious. Be cautious of trauma bonding. Be cautious of someone just connecting with the pain. There is power in me as a griever pouring out my feelings because oftentimes, people in our world don’t know how to handle our grief, but we can find a community of people who understand it.

Pouring out my grief is cathartic. It is therapeutic. It is not therapy, but it is healing and releasing that. Hearing from other people who can understand that allows you to be seen and validated. The advice piece, make sure it makes sense just like anything else. You bake a cake, and then it’s like, “That cake didn’t turn out right.” Their recipe wasn’t good. Don’t do that again. Understand the source.

That aligns with what I felt. I don’t know your whole situation. I can tell you what’s true for me. I can also empathize with what you’re feeling because I was there, too. I encourage you to seek out whatever professional sources are available to you. Here’s one perspective from one guy on the internet, but know that our journeys are very different.

Although they’re the same and similar in many ways but the expression is different. I often feel like our journeys are for us because we have particular things that are there for us to love. I always think that we’re here to love and learn. This is very much a learning process. Your learning journey may look a little bit different from mine. Here’s what my journey looked like, but yours would probably be a little bit different.

Ryan, thank you for being here. I would like you to close out this conversation with our audience. Maybe there’s something we didn’t cover that was striking that you wanted to make sure we went over in our final words. Remind them how they can contact you.

Thanks, Tina. What’s coming to mind for me is just posing the question to the audience. What if nothing went wrong? I am opening that question. What if nothing went wrong? What if it happened exactly the way that it was supposed to happen for their greater good, and for your greater good, and that you are exactly where you need to be in this moment to continue to evolve and become the magnificent person that you are and ultimately are becoming? It is just a question.

I am not saying that that has to be the answer, but just a question to think about. What if nothing went wrong? You can find me at RyanJustinJackson.com. I’m on TikTok. I’m on YouTube. I’m on Instagram @RyanJustinJackson. If you want to learn more about that journey of that memoir, where I share more about my dad’s passing, all that I learned, and how it was so ultimately magnificent for me.

I’ll be sharing that journey and releasing that book hopefully sooner rather than later. Tina, any tips for writing a book and not using AI? Although it’s a great brainstorming tool, it’s too personal for me to give it to a robot to write. It’s a journey. Thank you, Tina. This has been magnificent. I appreciate you and all the work that you’re doing. Thank you for being alive.

Thank you.

Important Links

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• Hope Grows Here
• Sporting the Right Attitude

About Ryan Justin Jackson

Ryan Justin Jackson is a communications executive, speaker, and meditation teacher who helps professionals lead and communicate from a place of calm, grounded presence. With over 17 years of experience in corporate communications, including roles at AT&T, The Walt Disney Company, and WarnerMedia, Ryan has advised senior leaders and partners at one of the world’s top consulting firms, guiding high-stakes messaging and executive storytelling.

After the sudden passing of his father, Ryan began a deeper spiritual and personal journey that reshaped not only his life but also his work. He is currently writing a memoir exploring grief, love, and the discovery that presence, especially in moments of loss, is where true strength
lives.

Through speaking, writing, and guided practices, Ryan helps people navigate pressure, self-criticism, and uncertainty so they can show up clear, centered, and fully themselves, whether in the boardroom or in life.

Website
ryanjustinjackson.com

Social Media:
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryanjustinjackson
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@RyanJustinJackson