Moving through the unimaginable pain of loss is the beginning of a profound grief transformation and conscious new life. Tina Fornwald sits down with Julie Halbert, a Transformational Soul Coach, Death Doula, and former lawyer, to explore the powerful journey from victimhood to light, discussing her upcoming book, Divine Ashes Ascending. They speak the raw truth about the guttural reality of grief, the importance of building community, and how spiritual practice can move us from mere survival to a state of being and profound peace. Julie also sheds light on the often-overlooked emotional needs of grieving sons and the crucial role of the 504 plan in providing accommodations for children in school.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. 

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World.

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Healing The Shattered Soul: Your Journey Through Grief Transformation with Julie Halbert

Oftentimes, the children who have lost the parents, going back to school is not easy, but a 504 plan can help them. This conversation with Julie is going to give you very detailed information on how to execute a 504 plan for your child. At the same time, have you been curious about the term death doula or transformation soul coach? This conversation’s going to give you insight to that too. Julie and I have some things that are very similar to the passing of our husbands that I did not know until this conversation. Let’s get into this discussion now. It’s going to bless your soul.

Julie, welcome to the Widowhood.

Thank you for having me, Tina. I’m happy to be here.

Redefining Widowhood: Finding Transformation Through Grief

Thank you. Happy to be in the widowhood. If you were to like the subtitles that was not shown, what would that look like when you hear the word widowhood the first time?

You’re asking me a very big question and I’m glad that we’re starting here. Okay, so I’m with you. I practiced law for 30 years. When Jim died, which was December 6th, 2018, and I’d like to honor his birthday, October 24th. I wanted to honor doing this with you and honor his birthday. Just calling in the energy of his spirit to be with us and just being present in a beautiful way. My first experience with the word widow, I was at literally at the OBGYN and I guess at that point in time, the GYN for myself. I remember seeing it on the form and I started to cry and I was like, “This word does not sit well with me.”

It’s very interesting. Jim died at 51 and I was 50 and I just didn’t identify with it. I didn’t identify with the word and the language. As I was preparing for you, I said, “I don’t know how Tina’s going to feel about this.” I really was doing a lot of research into the root of the word, the historical patriarchy, where it came from, the whole idea of being bereft and empty and lost. I really have taken it to a place of transformation. I was playing with a new word. Actually, luminara, and being the whole idea of like yes, we have this deep painful loss and we all are shattered in the space of it in different ways in our grief. It’s so real and it’s so painful. I guess the question is how do we go through it?

You said a lot there, and I almost could throw away all my questions here, but I’m just going to pause. My husband Mark was 51 when he passed. I was 50 when Mark passed. Mark passed in 2017. I think as the concept of a death doula, ushering people through their loved ones and then those remaining through this transition process, there is a lot of illumination that happens. Our society, I believe, has made death such a horrible, dark, unwanting instead of welcoming the process of the transition of life that is inevitable.

If we go into it afraid and scared, that’s not a good way to go into the next version of our life. I miss Mark dearly. I happen to wear his gym shoes because we wore the same size shoe, but at the same time, I’ve come into a place that I know his life, his journey was over. Mine continues. There’s a difference with that that I think requires someone to a spark of light because we are so alienated from the idea what good could ever come from this.

I’m with you 1,000%. I could echo every single word that you said. First off, I just want to honor that we were both 50 and 51. I find that intriguing. I think we should just honor that as a factual truth. They’re always with us. We carry them with us everywhere. It’s like their journey was over and I think they continue with us in our journey. You are doing amazing work with the work you’re doing with widows and others and children and just amazing giving back. For me, I do believe, as a Death Doula, we have this sacred breath at the end of life and that it should be celebrated the same way we celebrate the sacred breath at birth. We do so much around birthdays, but we don’t honor that sacred final breath. Our society avoids and denies it. I’m with you. It’s a problem.

It is. Thank you. The work that I do is, one, to normalize the thing that we’ve been doing since the beginning of time. How dare we have been a spouse to someone and they took their final breath and we not be recognized? Why should we be hushed into a corner and not be able to say, “This is the type of woman or man that you would want to come to the feet of and understand what a relationship and a commitment looks like, good, bad, and in all of that?

You’re speaking raw truth. That’s beautiful.

Divine Ashes: The Sacred Space Between Life And Death

We should be celebrated. Julie, in the meetings that you have with people, how would you describe Divine Ashes?

I have an upcoming book that’ll come out in the spring that’s called Divine Ashes Ascending. I’m a Transformational Soul Coach. I had the blessing of becoming a Death Doula with Going With Grace, with Alua Arthur, and working with our hospice with the end of life. As far as divine ashes, for me, it’s really like the sacredness of the transition between life and death and that sacredness with that end-of-life process. Exactly as you described it. What does that transition and how we honor, how is it that’s sacred in that space between taking your last breath and actually the process of dying and us continuing to live? I think for me, like my biggest lesson is the sacredness of the conscious living and the conscious dying.

If I’m going to bring something forward to the universe and that I’m starting really as I’m working on my book and speaking nationally and bringing this message forward, it is that we all have the choice to consciously live and to consciously die. What happens in between that space? I was imagining, I was at a workshop with the bestselling author by the name of Sarah Connell, and she’s just lovely. It’s the whole idea of an infinity loop I downloaded.

I was seeing it with like spiritual feathers and I was like, “This is so interesting,” because for me, the connection, I’m sure you feel this with Mark, is in your heart and soul. That continues in the divine. Whether we say God, creator, universe, whatever word that any of your audience uses is the right word for them. In that soulful, spiritual connection, it’s eternal. I see that as almost like a sacred flame. Divine ashes. It’s sacred. That’s how I see it.

Was there a moment of realization that everything you’ve experienced should be transformed into a book for others?

Absolutely. What a great question, and I’m not sure what you’re going to make of this answer, but I really dropped in. I started working with a life coach. I met a gentleman who he himself was a master life coach in neurological intelligence. Dealing with the nervous system, so helping me with trauma and grief. We had started to date and he really had a lot of patience and compassion for my grief. To answer your question, I was with a woman, her name is Tina Powers, she’s a medium. There was stuff after Jim had passed that I really needed guidance on, and he was the only person that I could really get it from.

His death was, I don’t want to say sudden, and some people deal with an aneurysm or a heart attack, and people die in a second. He died in three weeks. We did not have a lot of preparation. It was very traumatic and a lot of grief for me and my children. When I was with her, she says, “You’re going to write a book.” This was in December of ‘22, she says, “I can’t tell you exactly what it is, but it’s something about letting go.” Interesting. Here, I have these notes that I started writing about becoming a death doula and that, and helping people the end of life and really honoring this space between life and death is exactly what I’m doing.

Beyond Hard: Navigating The Guttural Reality Of Sudden Loss

How did the speed of your husband’s passing shape your grief?

First off, it was hard. It was just horrible. It

Let’s just pause right there. Our spouse’s passing is hard and horrible. I don’t want to skip past that because people see us in the now. They think, “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

It was that bad. Yeah, absolutely.

We just leaned into it or learned to continue living but it was hard.

It was beyond hard. There aren’t words for it. It was guttural, it was painful. It sucked the wind out of my being. I describe in the book, literally pounding the floor, lying flat on the ground in my closet, crying, holding one of his sweatshirts where I could smell him. Just trying to muffle my tears from my youngest son who was still home and just being beside myself. I couldn’t breathe. There definitely were moments where you don’t want to live or get out of bed.

For everybody reading that has a recent death and in grief, there’s no timeline for grief. Yes, it is guttural, it is heart-wrenching, it is deeply painful and we cannot get to this transformation of sacredness that I’m talking to you without you, which I describe in my book. The beauty through the pain. We must go through that pain in order to come out to that light. Absolutely.

Thank you for sharing that. I want to circle back to something you mentioned and let me know if this is the right perspective for you. When someone close to us transitions from this world, not wanting to be here, is the thought of, “I can’t imagine life without them.” Not that one is actively doing things often to remove themselves from this world, but the concept of existing in their absence is unbearable.

I think it’s a really thoughtful question and it’s interesting. That takes us back to the word widow. It takes us back to the identity of who we are once our spouse is departed or partner or loved one, the family dynamic. In my case, my husband, myself, our two boys and we had a dog. All of a sudden, that dynamic shifts and you are not the same. When you walk in the door, it’s very hard.

I think that existence, that pathway that you’re asking the question about is some of the hardest of the pathway that going through that doorway of finding yourself as an individual separate and a part of is some of the greatest growth that you have to do internally before you can go back to that place of presence, of gratitude and joy to connect with your spouse in a different space.

Parenting Through Pain: Supporting Grieving Children Behind Closed Doors

I would agree with that. Taking that a step further, you’re navigating very tough terrain for yourself and also having to do that for your children. What did that look like when the doors were closed and the world was not in your home, it was just you?

It was really hard, Tina. My youngest child, I think, was like sixteen. He was so young. He was at school. We were at MD Anderson when we found out that there was just no treatment and had a medevac Jim home. My oldest was in college and had had to take time off because it was December. He couldn’t do his finals. There was COVID. You had that too.

All of a sudden, you have these deaths and COVID comes and they we’re all at home. No, the closed doors, tears, anger, sadness, confusion. How did it happen so fast? Where did it come from? It’s so much. I’ll humor you with we connect with Jim. We’ll have an electricity shift, we’ll have things happen with music. My youngest son, William, was just despondent at a point and he was watching The Office over and over again and he was actually in my husband’s physical office.

Believe me, take it as you want, it’s our truth. The TV would turn off because Jim’s like, “Enough. You need to snap out of it. You’ve got to break the spell, William.” Literally, William would yell back at the TV and yell at his dad and said, “Dad, I want to watch this.” It would happen 2 to 3 times. Eventually, my son got upset enough that Jim left the TV on. I swear on my life. Behind closed doors, Jim has appeared. Electricity turning on and off. He died at 3:33, he was seeing those numbers before he died. He connects to help me for where I’m living. He guides me all the time. Yes, behind closed doors and in real life, it was rough and he’s also with us

For people, as you raise your hand and say, “Believe me or not,” what do you think a person is shortchanging themselves by not entertaining the idea of connecting and still having their loved one a part of their life?

It’s so beautiful having them as part of our lives because we get to experience them in a different form. As I’m writing this book, I didn’t just write this book. Jim channeled it with me. It came through me. Part of my purpose in this lifetime is to help others meet death without fear. To know that they can connect their loved ones and to open up their heart space in a different way, it’s to give them this light of something that is so beautiful and divine. It opens your whole life. I really believe in a state of presence and gratitude rather than one of victimhood and suffering.

Why do you think death is coupled with fear?

I think it’s because we’re so connected to our loved ones. We are so connected to how much we share physically in this lifetime. It’s how we connect in the physical. My father, who’s 85, I interviewed him for the book, I was said, “Dad, what is it that you’re so fearful of?” He would describe to me, “It’s not death itself. It’s missing like the grandchildren growing up. It’s missing weddings, it’s missing the milestones. It’s not being present for life.

Depending on how you connect to the soul, if you really believe this is it, then it can be scary. I believe every person reading, every single human spiritual being can connect. We each have that gift. I have a lot of intuitive gifts, but I believe each one of us really can cultivate that. In that, the fear is removed because the peace comes in instead of fear.

Transformational Work: Services, Soul Coaching, And The Death Doula Explained

If someone is interested in working with you, how do they connect with you and what services do you offer? If someone’s reading this, their loved one has passed and they are riddled with fear, or maybe they’re on hospice and they’re at the cusp of stepping into the next version of life, how would one contact you in what services you provide?

I have the RisingPhoenix.Life. My full legal name is Julie Beth Wright Halbert, but Julie Wright Halbert on LinkedIn. I am a Transformational Soul Coach. You can find me there. I am a Death Doula. I’m in two spaces. I’m so grateful and blessed to work with clients. I find my experience of being a lawyer for 30 years as well as the past several years of becoming a Soul Coach and then a Death Doula and we’ve lived this. This is real for us.

This is our lives. It’s such a blessing to work with people through the transformation of their grief. I believe it’s my role only as a guide to help one to work through their pain. There are so many different modalities to do that and to tap into that space and to honor loved ones that have passed. If somebody is young like ourselves, God bless our husbands that died at such a young age, but we can look at like what does it mean to have a death doula?

What is it that you would like for the environment for when you do pass? What are things as far as whether it’s religious, cultural, spiritual, that you would want around you? It’s really important to write those things down and to really work in practice to set up a plan for end of life. There are many of national and international groups as well, like Going With Grace where I got my certification myself. It’s a beautiful practice that we can honor the end of life rather than fearing it

Both of those terms about the soul and the death doula, can you explain what those terms mean for someone who’s never heard those before?

Of course. I’ve only come up with this in the past 24, 48 hours. I’m glad you’re asking the question. I am thinking that I’m going to describe myself as like a soul midwife. If I have to encapsulate everything of who I am because it’s about the living and the dying. It’s not really one or the other. It’s both. The Transformational Soul Coach, a lot of people that are life coaches for the audience reading, is out there to look at like, “What is the outcome? What job do you want to get? What type of money do you want to make? What are the external ego related things that people are interested in?”

That’s not me. I am coming to go on the inside. What is happening from a heart-centered space? If you’re dealing with illness or deal with yourself or others, what is it that you need to tap into? There’s something that I’m really profoundly a student of and I think it’s really important. It’s called HeartMath. It’s a science of the wisdom of the heart. Our heart is a brain of its own.

It gives off the energy throughout our being and our calming our nervous system. If something is working with me, it’s really working to reframe perhaps that pain in a new way, that you can actually find the peace and calm through the grief. There are definitely ways. I love EFT tapping. It’s a great tool that I do with my clients all the time to tap through the fear, to tap through some of the grief. There are so many different exercises with that that you can do as a modality.

The death doula term, it’s interesting. Some people call it end of life. Some people call it definitely the death doula, but think about it as like a midwife for death. It’s really what it is. From a hospice perspective, which I’m only now just looking forward to being able to do more with Empath and Tidewell in Sarasota, Florida, where I live.

Louis says this. I think it’s a beautiful thing, but it’s a circle of support. Looking at inclusivity, looking at the patient, looking at all the family surrounding. You’re not doing anything medical. There’s no medical involved here. I have no certification medically at all. This is really coming from a place of support for the end of life. Asking really questions, even to the point of, Tina, how do you feel as far as your family members holding your hand, being with you?

What is it that maybe you want to smell? What is it you want to hear? Is there a hymn? Is there a Psalm? Do you want somebody were to sing to you that would really be what you want to hear at the end of life? There are different ways to go about it. My services is like working just through life and through your own space, but doing it in a very spiritual way or the other is working more with the end of life.

Thank you. I have two choices and you determine which path we’re going to go on. Discussing men, children, and gaps in grief support or transformational healing in the book approach.

I’m one of those people. I like to do everything. I’m going to say this first. I’m going to say this second as far as transformational healing in the book, because that’s the space I’m in. I want to say this very loudly because I think it’s really important. I know that you’re doing work with men and the gap with my children and there is not enough out there for young men and those who have lost women as well, the widowers, to be in a place of support. It’s a huge community that I know you’re working towards and I honor you for doing the work and it’s really necessary.

There is a huge gap there. We have here something called Blue Butterfly that’s for children, adolescents that have lost, whether it’s siblings, parents, or grandparents. That’s a beautiful program that my mother is very actively engaged in and that I had the benefit of working in in the past. That children know that there are other people around them who are dealing with death and that they’re not alone. It’s so important and the same that go for men at all ages. I just want to honor the work that you are doing. I would say to you in the transformational healing space in the book, that’s where I’m spending most of my time.

Memoir, Meditation, & Journaling: Writing A Book As A Healing Modality

We’re going to try to fit them all in.

I’m with you.

I believe in your book, there’s a combination of memoirs and meditation and journaling. Why is it important to blend those together?

It’s not about me, it’s about the reader. My whole goal in the book is for it to be a healing modality for the reader. The introduction of my story in the memoir is just to be able to share and to feel my raw pain, to be honest. You asked the question, as I described that raw pain, or even there’s a moment that my son Williams said, “Mom, I heard you crying in the shower.” I would think of the water being cleansing and transforming in a safe place just to cry and purge, literally purge. Years later, he told me he used to hear me cry and it broke his heart. You don’t even know what you’re going through when you’re in it, but I think that’s just sharing part of my soul.

You have the meditation for the reader and that’s for you, Tina. For you to hear it for you. How is it that you connect with Mark? How is it that you connect with your family that’s alive on this earth? How is it that in the didactic exercises where I ask questions, what are the things that you want to say? For example, one thing I talked to my kids about, or my one son did this, was to write a letter. Jim died very quickly. He’s like, “What can I do?” He was a writer and I said, “Talk to dad about the things you’re grateful for. Tell him about the beautiful memories that you have.”

I take the reader, I have all of these questions delineated in the book, and for the reader to do this exercise themself and then combine it together and actually read it to the person, your loved one that is dying. It is such a gift because we are in such fight or flight in the moment that somebody is dying and we’re working, especially as a caretaker, to give them and to comfort them that we don’t remember. You’re in such shock. It’s a beautiful practice to be able to look back and say, “These were some of my final words to my father. I have them.” That’s for the reader. I use my story, my life only as a guide so that the reader can actually go through a healing process for themselves.

In that same vein, what role did spiritual practice or stillness play in moving from survival to transformation?

Everything. Stillness, the beingness. For everyone reading, we have to stop doing and be able to be in our souls and our spirits in order to come through the pain. Meditating every morning, every evening. There was a moment in time, I talked about it in my book, Tina, but I have a wall of photos and there are so many beautiful memories. I used to wake up and I would cry every single morning, cry, weep, sob.

I don’t know. One morning I woke up and I looked at a family picture from a vacation in Belize and we were with the children in a cave. I remember having the headlamps on our head and all of a sudden, I went and I brought all of the senses into the experience. I started to laugh and I remember the exact moment in the memory and that was the shift.

There’s a moment in time which you will shift and you will find the light, but you must be in a state of being before you can go there. It is literally a doorway, a passageway, however you want to imagine it. It’s a shattering of the soul. As we are shattered, the only way to come through that vessel and to bring in the light is you must come through a state of hemostasis.

The Raw Story: Clarifying Divine Ashes Through The Editorial Process

How has working through the development, the editorial process of your book help you clarify your own message of divine ashes?

Where I’ve been is that I initially started working with a coach and it was very non-linear because I’m happy to share this with your audience, for anyone who’s interested in writing a book, it was a great tool for me. I love being in nature. I love hiking, walking the beach. I use Otter and a lot of times, I would transcribe my words and then I would send them to myself in Word and then I would begin to edit the process.

It was really like a puzzle. I was putting together the different pieces at different times. The questions, just like you so thoughtfully are asking, such inquisitive, curious questions, the coach would do the same. In that process, he would bring me to going deeper into my soul and really connecting with my truth and going deeper.

Now I’m getting ready to work. It’s a boutique imprint, Merry Dissonance, and the woman, her name is Donna, who I’m working with. It’s just a beginning process of going deeper and asking me some of the tough questions you are about being really raw and honest so the reader can know what happened when those doors were closed, what was the dialogue around getting treatment? What was the dialogue at the very end of life when we were really terrified, when my husband was looking for answers from medicine and there were none to be provided?

We haven’t even touched this, but initially, they said it was cancer of unknown primary. They couldn’t identify the cancer. Eventually, it was cholangiocarcinoma that MD Anderson found only through pathology and literally, if you could imagine this, the doctor said, “Jim, I can treat you, but you’re likely going to die in the hospital of an infection, or you can go home.”

Hospital, away from your family or go home. He immediately said he wanted to medevac home. My girlfriend Rachel was with us. There’s a wonderful organization for everyone to know about. It is an angel Medevac. They medevac’d us home by plane, just like ambulance. We literally left at 3:00 in the afternoon. We were home with our children at 8:00 PM that evening. He died a week later, one week later to the day.

There are beautiful services that are out there that support families, just like you’re doing. It was such a blessing. No matter how challenging it may be, yes, those moments are in the book, those moments in which we got into the ambulance to go to the medevac. I have a picture of Jim in the back of the ambulance. Until I was writing the book, I didn’t know she had that picture. She’s like, “I don’t know why I took it, Julie, but it was the last time I knew I was going to see Jim.”

We have that moment. What it does is it captures different things you want to share. I will say to you and to the audience, even in that moment, he had kindness. He was asking the people that were taking care of him how they were. He was asking them questions about their lives. I remember sitting in the front seat saying, “How does he have this sense of presence to be so mindful of others in this deepest, could have been darkest moment?” He just wanted to go home to his children. In some weird way, he was relieved to go home.

For the person who is reading this conversation and they’re like, “I’m going to make purpose out of my pain and I’m going to go do this,” what cautionary information would you provide to them as they’re in the throes of their grief?

I think what’s really cautionary is that grief is not linear for anybody. None of us do it the same. Not one of us do it the same and none of us experience the same. I think that’s really important to give yourself compassion and grace and to know that there’s no one way to do grief. I think that’s really important. Even though I’ve evolved through this process and it is my goal to help others as is yours, even in that case, we are acting as guides to lift people up and to rise from their pain. It’s not like a one-and-done.

Even today, I was standing in the middle of my hallway in my home and I put my hands to my heart and I just spoke to Jim and I just want to honor his birthday and honor how he showed up as a dad to our children and say thank you. Of course I had tears. That’s part of the soul connection. It’s a constant. People always describe grief as waves or the water’s hitting the shore and the horizon. That’s real. That’s real life.

The Hidden Pain: What The Public Must Understand About Grieving Men And Boys

I would agree. Now we get to the men question. You and I have talked about the limited support for grieving sons and men. What do you wish the public understood about men, young boys, males grieving?

I think one thing that’s really important is that sometimes you won’t see the signs of grief. Sometimes there’ll be such strong denial and avoidance to discuss it, that it’s really shoved deep in. Our society doesn’t promote the emotional expression sometimes, whether it’s through crying or sharing of emotions or discussing. That is really important to be present with young men or our adults that are partners and really to honor the process of our emotions to feel.

I think people have to be really aware that some do feel greatly and some may mask it even with anger. That anger can come out in different ways. I say you have to be really patient. Also, I think you have to be really mindful. Be kind, be soft, speak, ask questions. Ask a lot of questions. I think one of my most important messages would be is don’t ever make assumptions that they’re okay because sometimes they will not tell you. You have to really dig in and ask those questions and be mindful because our society doesn’t promote the sharing of that pain.

That is profound. During our pre-podcast conversation, you educated me on the 504 plan. That, I believe, is a hidden gem that more people need to know about. Can you elaborate on that?

Absolutely. There’s a 504 plan. Many people may be aware in special education, there’s something that’s called the individual education plan. Around the American Disabilities Act, around the ADA, there’s something that is section that’s called a 504. You can ask for accommodation. If you have a child that is in school, you have a right as a parent or as a guardian to request accommodations around the time of grief. There’s no exact period. William, I love you. I’m going to share. I asked for my youngest who was still in school and it was so hard to focus. For the death to be so fresh and so painful and to have to go to class and take an organic chemistry exam, it’s almost impossible.

The 504 plan, you can sit down with the guidance counselor, there’ll be a school designee, which could be like a principal, an assistant principal. There’ll be different people from the school that would sit down with the family. If you are not familiar with the process, I also act as an advocate. It’s something that I do nationally, but that you can look for an advocate in this field that can show up and go to school and meet with the district with you to help formulate a 504 plan.

It is a beautiful way to provide additional supports after somebody has passed. I’ll also share with you, my mom and I witnessed this through the Blue Butterfly program, is that so many young children, especially middle schoolers, are unfortunately bullied. I think the teachers give extra attention because they’re aware that the child is dealing with a really tough situation at home. Other kids sometimes are just envious that a child’s getting extra attention.

We really have to talk to our kids. The 504 plan is a wonderful way to provide some additional services. I think I shared this with you on our pre-podcast, that William needed to release energy. He was on the track team. I’m like, “Clearly, he couldn’t go out to the field by himself and run the track,” but we were in Florida. There are steps. I said, “Can we make some accommodation for him to literally have the opportunity to run the stairs?” That was part of his plan. You could be as creative as you need to be for whatever your child’s needs are.

Thank you for sharing that. When they do that, who in the school do they speak with regarding that?

I would say you look for your guidance counselor. If not, there’s a case manager that deals with special education and 504 in many schools throughout the nation. At the Council of Great City Schools, I was in a position as a lawyer for 30 years, 78 school districts. There’s often a case manager at the school site, or there’s somebody, a director in the school district. Almost always, there should be somebody at the school site that’s dealing with IEPs and 504s. You can always ask the guidance counselor as well. If you can’t find them, you can always email me and I’ll help you.

What is your email address?

It’s Julie@RisingpPhoenix.Life. I mean that. I help people all the time. I’ve helped some people in higher education. It’s a place actually, Tina, where I give a lot of pro bono time because I had the blessing of really working with my colleagues at the Council of Great City Schools of helping to craft several of these laws, working on US Supreme Court cases on special education.

I feel like it’s a gift that I’ve been blessed with through my education to give back to others. Even though I’m in this space of working on this transformational soul coach in my book, it’s really important. Do you know what I’m going to do? I think I’m going to add a section in the book on 504. I have to look to see what I have, but it’s really important and I’m glad that you raised it. People need to be informed of what their rights are and what they can do to help their children.

Flip The Script: Final Lessons On Isolation And Building Community

This conversation has been very informative. I try to give an opportunity for my guests to flip the position here and see if you have any questions of me.

Sure, I would love to do that. You have been doing this podcast for a long time and working with all kinds of people. What is the greatest lesson that you have learned that you share with others in order to go through the process of grief?

I know everybody does this differently, but if you find yourself isolated for an extraordinary long time to the point that all you do is go to work and come home, you put on this per functional disposition at work and then you come home and as you’re driving home, you are collapsing. Nobody knows you’re doing that. There’s not one friend, not one neighbor, not one relative. I encourage you to reach out. There are moments in this process where you will need to be alone because you have to travel this road individually.

However, if no one knows, if people have been asking how you’re doing and you say, “I’m okay,” and you’re not, maybe you have to hire a mental health professional, a therapist, a psychologist, a grief coach, somebody that can be that advocate for you because as we started this conversation, this is hard. I was in the Army for 21 years, an Army officer, breast cancer survivor, birthed some kids. None of that compares to the level of difficulty and long ongoing part of my life. I would encourage you to reach out, maybe email me at WidowhoodRealTalk@Gmail.com go to our website, or we’re on social media and message me. This is hard. I encourage you to have community.

You really are illuminating something that I think is full circle from our conversation. We have to build community. One of the things, actually, I was talking with a coach of mine who was creating something called luminaire, like the whole idea of the light and creating an awakened feminine archetype, changing our language around widowhood to being one of like a flame of internal light, but a circle and a community of support.

I think what you’re saying is so critical because that person in that car that’s crying, if nobody knows they’re surviving. In order to thrive, you have to lean into your community, into your tribe. My mother, I describe her my book as the Heartwood. I have family members, my sister, my cousin, my dear girlfriends, I wouldn’t have survived without them, Tina. I was that strong, badass lawyer. There was nothing that was going to knock me down.

I worked with a lot of men. I was tough as nails. However, this took me to the ground. Without support, I would never have survived. Yes, that’s the most beautiful answer you could possibly give. Also, for people to know that you are not alone in this grief. There’s so many of us that have had similar experiences and even so, we may experience it differently. We still need the same support.

It’s beautiful. Thank you. Any other questions?

Sure. Do you connect at all with your husband, Mark and how does he in your life?

The first week after he passed, it seemed as if there was a lot of connection. I want to say it’s been about six months. I was making the bed one day and it was our marital bed. I was just making the bed, doing what you need to do. I walked on his side and it was like I walked through him. I could smell him. I tried to move backwards into the same space where I smelled him and I fell to the floor and just cried. I think I was screaming out, “I’m right here.” I could smell him and everything. I’ve had a couple of dreams about him. The dreams have been more of him alluding to the fact for me to continue living and his job here is done.

The home that I live in was the first home I ever purchased without him because we had purchased the property together, and I closed on this house and I came in here with a blowup mattress. I was like, “If the mortgage starts, I’m in here tonight.” I came in this house and I can’t remember everything that I did, but I remember falling asleep and waking up and he was just standing there.

He had never been in this property because this is new. He was walking through the house and he would walk down the steps and he would just look back at me and smile. He was walking through the living room and looked back at me a smile in the kitchen. He said, “You’re going to be all right.” That was the last time I had a vision, a dream or anything from him. When our kids are being children, I mean, they are adults and I’m yelling at him for that. That’s a different thing all together. It’s like, “You’re out here in eternity and I’m over here parenting.”

That’s hard.

I’m like, “Sir, I have questions about this set up.”

“I need some help.”

I think I got played.

I want to honor something. Your gift or the intuition of the smell, some people are not familiar with that, but that is a very strong, intuitive gift. It is not one that I’ve experienced, but several people do experience that. That’s a very special gift of intuition. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that, but that’s really a beautiful gift.

For your audience, I have been taught for your dreams. When he’s telling you that his journey was over and look at all you’re continuing, that is real. If you wake up and you know it, it’s a visit. It’s very different than being like just in a dream state and having a dream. If you wake up and you can really articulate exactly what you saw, experienced and whatnot, I have the same type of experiences, you just know that that was actually a visit and he was literally guiding you. It’s beautiful. That’s awesome.

Those are the things that just give you pause in this life. Julie, I just want to say thank you for being here for this conversation. I am going to say something to our readers, people that have joined us, and I would ask you to close out this conversation maybe with any final words, something you feel like we didn’t cover or wanted to share, and once again, how they can connect with you.

First off, I just want to say this was such a blessing. I’m so honored that you asked me to be here. I’ve enjoyed every moment. I think that we have spoken raw truth to everyone reading. My final words would be, yes, there are divine ashes, that you go through the pain, but you can rise and to be present and to give yourself moment by moment, that you will transform through it. You will become that vessel of light.

Each one of us can become that luminaire. We can become that woman that really is a sacred light while being mindful of those around us to go through this process. It’s important. Juliet@RisingPhoenix.Life is my email. Feel free to email me to go to my website, which is RisingPhoenix.Life as well, or LinkedIn. It’s Julie Wright Halbert. You can find me there. I’m honored and I’m just so grateful and I honor each one of you who’s going through the pain right now and to believe, to know that you will rise. You truly will. Thank you.

Thank you.

Important Links

• Julie Halbert
• Julie Wright Halbert on LinkedIn
• Juliet@RisingPhoenix.Life
• WidowhoodRealTalk@Gmail.com

About Julie Halbert

Julie is a Transformational Life Coach and national education advocate dedicated to helping people reconnect with their inner wisdom, resilience, and purpose. For nearly 28 years, she served as national education legal and policy counsel for the Council of the Great City Schools, where she worked to advance equity, strengthen school systems, and support families across the country. She graduated with honors from the University of Maryland and later earned her law degree from the University of Miami School of Law. Julie is admitted to the Federal Bar, the U.S. Supreme Court Bar, and the Florida Bar.

As the founder of Rising Phoenix Coaching, Julie guides clients through life’s most challenging seasons—helping them navigate limiting beliefs, emotional obstacles, and periods of transition so they can rise with clarity and confidence. Her coaching is grounded in compassion, authenticity, and the belief that healing begins when we reconnect with the truest parts of ourselves.

Julie is also a devoted mother to two kind and compassionate young men, Jacob and William. She finds deep joy in yoga, time in nature, beach walks, mountain hikes, boating, kayaking, and her passion for skiing. These rhythms of stillness and movement keep her grounded and balanced, allowing her to pour into others from a place of strength and wholeness.

Whether she is advocating nationally, supporting families, or guiding individuals one-on-one, Julie’s mission remains the same: to empower others to rise, heal, and rediscover the powerful, purposeful life waiting within them.