Giving yourself permission to live again after loss can feel unfamiliar and even uncomfortable, and in this conversation with Kelley Raleigh, that tension is explored with honesty, depth, and care. Kelley reflects on becoming a widow at 46 and the disorienting experience of grieving a life that changed in an instant while still choosing to move forward. Her story moves through identity shifts, evolving relationships, and the deeply personal choices that come with rebuilding, including moments that felt messy, unexpected, and real. What unfolds is a thoughtful reflection on grief that makes space for both sorrow and growth, gently challenging the belief that there is only one way to mourn. Through her lived experience, Kelley offers a grounded reminder that even in the midst of profound loss, it is possible to reconnect with yourself and begin shaping a life that still feels meaningful.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. 

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World.

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Watch the episode here

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How To Give Yourself The Permission To Live After Loss With Kelley Raleigh

Thank you for every episode that you’ve tuned into over the years. I want to tell you that I am inviting you personally to join me for Hope Grows Here on May 16, 2026, in Norfolk, Virginia. We are celebrating my 60th birthday, and we’re celebrating Widowhood. This is an opportunity for us all to get together and celebrate. Dancing, comedians, photo booths, and so much more fun. Did I mention it’s a ‘60s costume? I hope to see you there. For details, email me at WidowhoodRealTalk@gmail.com.

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Have you ever wondered what life would look like if you gave yourself permission to make change, or if you gave yourself permission to grieve and also laugh? This conversation with Kelley is going to challenge you and probably give you permission to live a life that you enjoy. Let’s get into this conversation.

Kelley, welcome to the Widowhood.

Thank you so much for having me. I’m so happy to be here.

A Clean Slate At Forty-Six

If I were to look at the ticker tape in your head, which is like, “Thank you. Welcome to the Widowhood,” what’s the backdrop when you think of that?

I go to the label of a widow. I still feel like I’m 30. Old people are widows in their 80s. Not people our age. It makes me chuckle a little bit. It makes me like, “I guess that’s me.” That’s what I think.

That’s fair. Age is relevant in this community. Do you mind sharing when you entered into the Widowhood?

I was 46. It’ll be 5 years in May 2026. I was 46, and he was about to turn 52. He was two weeks away from turning 52.

What is his name? Can you share with us?

His name was Eric.

A lot of things I hear people talk about in this experience is that they’re not the same person. When you hear that, what do you think now compared to that moment when Eric left this world?

I said this not long ago to somebody. It feels like it was a week ago and 100 years ago. It’s still a bit discombobulating sometimes. I’m a vastly different person, and I’ve been a vastly different person probably three different times in the last couple of years. I was a stay-at-home mom when he died. That was a completely different project for me because I’ve always worked. I’ve always been the go-getter. I’ve always been the type A, and then I was a stay-at-home mom with my kid. That shifted me.

I wanted to shift when we were towards the last year of our marriage, and then he died. It dawned on me that I can be however I want. It was almost like a clean slate in a lot of ways. I’d been doing personal growth work for many years. It wasn’t new to me to be like, “I know I need to date and rise from the Phoenix,” as much as I didn’t want to. I feel like I’ve been a handful of different people. I’ve tried things. I’m going to say my dark side, but my dark side is not a dark side. I even embraced some things that I thought I would never do. I got to leave it at that.

We’re not. This is called real talk. You don’t get to go, “I did some things.” We’re going to need 2 or 3 of those things. We need to know if it was a little fire. Let me go get my tea cup because you need to talk. Come on.

Widow Fire And Social Permission

It was taking risks with money, number one, which is not that juicy. Number two was with men. It was dating men that I would never date before. Even taking a lover and not having any expectations, and doing that. I have been in a relationship since I was fourteen. Relationship, then relationship, then marriage, and then I got a divorce, which was amicable. I was with Eric for seventeen years.

She’s over here blushing. She’s like, “I didn’t know we were going to go this way.” For the women who are reading this and are going, “The widow fire is real.” Some people feel shame. Some people feel like, “I was a good wife, and I loved my husband.” Can they both exist? Can you talk to them about that?

Yes. To give context, every single relationship I was in, I was completely faithful. I never once had that like, “I need to go have an affair.” Nothing like that. I embraced it a little bit. I was like, “Now what do I do?” Maybe your audience can relate to this. There are men who were scared of the widow, like, “What does this mean? Is she going to have a meltdown?”

It’s like, “I can handle myself. I’ve been processing myself. I’ve been working through my things. I’m either wanting to date you or not.” I will say there were about seven months that I had a lover. He wanted to date me and wanted to do other things, and I was like, “No.” Nothing. I ended it with him, and I met somebody that I’ve been dating off and on for a while. That changed the game for me. I made some choices that I would not have made otherwise.

I see the blush. I’m not looking for regret. I think women, more than men, need permission to live their lives. Thank you.

I agree. Societally, it’s okay for men to go. I’m not even saying we should go and sleep with everybody. I do think that there is a beautiful exchange that could happen. I’m in this space where that’s what I want and I’ve had that. That’s what I want to continue having. When I became a widow, the landscape changed. It was almost like we were in a different ball game. We’re creating it at this point. I made my own rules and figured it out. I will admit that there was a moment where things got messy. That was not my best look, but I don’t regret anything.

That is the reality. It started getting messy from the moment Eric stopped breathing. Everything after that was like saying, “I have a clean slate.” At the same time, “It’s not the clean slate I wanted.” That sounds like, to me, embracing the situation that I’m in. It’s like, “If I have to be here, then how do I look at this in such a way that I can continue living and not be in a place where I feel like I’m immobile and I can’t do anything else?”

I often see that people are in 1 of 2 places. One is where grief has become our badge. Sadness is the way in which the world has told us to validate the love for our spouse. Someone who has said, “I always wanted to go roller skating on the boardwalk. He didn’t like doing that, but I’m going to do it because I do. Maybe I wanted to burn candles in the house, but he had an allergy to them, so I didn’t. I’m going to start doing the things I enjoy and focus on loving myself.”

The “Epic Life” Commitment

That’s important. It’s crucial. I know how I lived. I was the latter, which is what you’re saying. I’ve seen other widows have an altar to their late husband. There are men who want to date them, and they’re like, “I cannot because it would be disrespectful.” They’re good. They’re in spirit. They’re in Heaven, or whatever you want to call it. They’re not asking you not to live your life. It’s a disservice to ourselves to shut that part off from the world because we’re not living our gifts. We’re not bringing the light or the love to whatever situation that we can if we’re dimming it in distress and living in that.

It was the next day after we found him that I woke up and said, “I will continue living the epic life that we’ve created with our kid.” That was important to me because we were unschooling my kid and traveling the world. We had our problems. It was seventeen years of marriage. Things get real at that point. He was my person, and we trusted each other implicitly. I’ve changed some behaviors, but we were ultimately good to each other. I also made the commitment that I was not going to be the sad widow at a dinner party that people felt sorry for. That may sound harsh.

I want to circle back to something you said. One, dating does not solve grief. We’re talking about your journey. I want to be clear to anyone who is reading. You mentioned that men were afraid of the widow. From my perspective, I had to tell them, “I’ve done more work on myself than you probably have. Do you know how much time I’ve been in therapy trying to see if this was something I wanted to do or why I was doing this?”

I didn’t go into that willy-nilly. First of all, I was with my late husband for 32 years. I need to understand who I am. Dating wasn’t the first thing for me. Unfortunately, I did not have widow fire. I was dry as a bone over here and very jealous of all the fiery ladies. I’ll admit that out loud. How in the world, within 24 hours of Eric no longer being here unexpectedly, and you make an intentional choice to say, “I will not be X, Y, and Z?” Where did this come from? How do you find the ability in the midst of this horrific situation to make a choice that looks different from what the world is saying? Where does that come from?

It comes from my own personal, heart-centered educational work that I, at that point, had done for fifteen years. It comes from Eric and me consciously living an intentional life and wanting it to be full. We thoroughly enjoyed being a family. We thoroughly enjoyed being with each other and our child. We were raising him. We were not sending him to daycares. I was a stay-at-home mom, and I was so epically grateful that I got to do that.

We wanted adventures. We traveled. That’s what we did as a couple and then as a family. It was so important to us to have that life for our child, and I felt like I got to continue that. I don’t want to change the trajectory any more than it already has for my son. He was about to be five. He was ten days from turning 5. My husband was in the backyard getting ready for my kid’s birthday party that was coming up. That’s when he died back there, and we came home to him. Everything changed in the matter of a second, and that was enough for my kid.

I tried to stay in the family house for as long as I could. I didn’t want so much to change. Selfishly, I also liked my life. I felt like, “I want to continue living an epic life.” The work that I do with using NeurOptimal Neurofeedback and my KINDbrain experience is what I was doing for myself. I was digging in. I had my moments and my days of utter despair and utter like, “God, what are we doing?” We had a strong spiritual and religious foundation where I knew that there was nothing I could do to change this. Let’s make the best of it.

Let’s talk about the brain work and those big words you were throwing out there. Let’s slow those down a little bit. Somebody may be reading this for the first time, and their spouse may have died. They’re like, “What did she say?” They’re trying to write that down. Can you circle back and expand on that a little bit, please?

Heart-centered education is something that I was a part of. I facilitated retreats and created curricula for teenagers and parents for six years for a specific organization. I took that into having a private practice. It’s all about radical responsibility. It’s all about connecting to your God, your spirit, your source, and your authentic self. It’s all about taking radical responsibility for your choices, what you’re allowing, what you’re creating, and what you’re promoting. It’s going, “First and foremost, I co-create with God.” If I get off-course, like we can talk about the men for a second, or maybe it wasn’t off-course, but I’m back on my course.

It was part of the course. It’s just that no one told us.

What choices did I make? It’s all about my choices and my desire to better my life and better myself. Be as conscious as I can in my communication. I’m still practicing with that. I had a conversation with somebody, and I had to remember, “I chose to be upset. I chose this. I can communicate that more effectively.”

For the woman who lost their husband a few days ago or a couple of weeks ago, it’s hard. For a hot minute, it’s a lot. The choice that I made was my through line. It was my thread that kept me seeing the end of the tunnel. It’s not always going to feel like utter despair. It’s not always going to feel like, “I don’t even know what to do.” I had those moments, but I didn’t live in them.

Thank you for mentioning that. You alluded to this a little bit. Let’s talk about the brain on grief and what that looks like. Also, the ability to make decisions and how difficult that can be.

Somebody was talking about Erica Kirk and how it’s been weird. I don’t know her. I didn’t follow her, but clearly, she’s a widow. It was unexpected, so I was paying attention. Regardless of anything that anybody thinks about her, you’re in a grief tunnel. You’re in a tunnel. That’s how I see it. I wanted to get through the tunnel so I could start living again, if that makes sense. You’re consumed because a part of you physically feels like it’s gone.

If you’re a parent, you’ve got to focus on your child or children. It’s a bit of a loop. You’re like, “What happened?” It’s discombobulating. We probably say things or think things differently than the average person who’s not in that utter grief because you’re grieving the life that stopped. You’re grieving the life that went away. It’s gone. I was doing NeurOptimal Neurofeedback prior to Eric’s death. It was part of my business.

That is what? Go back to explain what that means.

NeurOptimal is a type of neurofeedback. It is the only non-invasive neurofeedback in the industry. It does not push, stimulate, or manipulate the brain. Every other type of neurofeedback system does, even if they tell you that it doesn’t. NeurOptimal is the only thing that doesn’t push or manipulate the brain. I’ve been doing that, which ultimately expands the nervous system. It brings in resiliency because my brain and my body are choosing during the NeurOptimal sessions how it wants to organize itself or what new neural pathway it wants to create.

I was already working on expanding my capacity to handle hard things, which is why I think my husband and I, at that time, were in a messy park. It was because we were both doing it. It was like, “What do we want here? How do we communicate?” Coming out of that, I’d already had enough under my belt where I was like, “My nervous system has expanded enough, but I’m still going to feel the grief and devastation.” It helped me be clear-headed, focused, and in my body so that I could handle day-to-day things.

I know there are widows who were like, “I didn’t eat for three weeks, and I was in my bed for six months.” I’m not shaming anybody for being in that space because I understand. I’m here to say the NeurOptimal sessions probably kept me from being in a version of that space because I was able to be like, “I have my head on clear.” Even the night that it happened, I had to move in. I was calling his best friend, getting everybody there, and getting the fire department there. You go into whatever. I didn’t shut down. I’m proud of myself for not doing that and for being able to stay grounded.

Overcoming The Financial Narrative

I’m going to ask a tough question. On being able to travel and being able to stay at home, what if someone does not have the means, as you’ve been able to have in your grief experience, that they would be able to benefit from this? They’re concerned about, “How am I going to pay Carnell? He made X, Y, and Z amount of money. I made a smaller income. We didn’t have life insurance. These are the pressures that are plaguing me.” How are they able to take that experience, these pressures, and have time to do this process?

Eric didn’t have life insurance. We didn’t have any savings. I was barely making anything because my business was part-time. I was doing it for fun at that moment. I live in Los Angeles, and we were renting a house. It was ridiculously expensive as it would be here in Los Angeles. I am an example of that. I figured it out because it was so important for me to get out of the pattern and the stuckness. We traveled for four months.

We did road trips. We went to visit so-and-so. We flew to visit my family. We did camping trips. I needed us to get out of the house. I did it. I had no life insurance. People were like, “Let me help you.” There were people that did give me money. I wish I had been smarter about it and invested in things, but I was so focused on paying the bills and paying off debt that I didn’t go forward thinking enough. Even if somebody doesn’t have those means, be around your friends.

Call your friends. Your friends want to be there for you. Half of them are going to be scared because they’re going to freak out that they’re going to say the wrong thing. They probably will. They might, and that’s okay. Be around your friends. Ask people to stay with you. Go and plan a day at the beach, camping, or something out in nature. People can still do it. It doesn’t have to be exorbitant.

I wanted you to explain that so it seemed obtainable. Sometimes, people only hear a part of something. If we don’t know the backstory, we don’t know how someone was able to get to where they are. As you were going through losing your husband, did you turn this into, “How can I help other widows?” How does that transition happen?

I have to say it wasn’t necessarily conscious. I wasn’t marketing to widows. It was like they were coming out of the woodwork. My friend wanted to introduce me to this friend. A girlfriend lost her husband six months after mine. We had mutual friends. We were always supposed to get together as families because our husbands were going to love each other. We joke, “That never happened, but look at us. We’re friends now.” She has a child the same age, and she was unschooling as well. It came out of the woodwork.

When I network, and someone says, “I lost my husband.” Even a man who has lost his wife, it’s like, “I speak widow. I get it. I understand you’re probably overwhelmed. You’re probably not sleeping. You’re probably having no idea what to do. I understand all of that, and I can help you move out of it. If you’re ready to move out of it, I can help you move out of that space.”

Once they make the choice, then great. It’s about choice. We’re doing the work, and we’re getting out of it. Using NeuroOptimal and using everything I do in the KINDbrain experience makes it easy and graceful. There’s no like, “Forget your husband.” I’m not saying that. It’s not about that. It’s about how we can feel these feelings and then still live our lives.

That right there. I’m sure there’s someone who’s reading and going, “If I’m not in that, then what am I doing? Does that look right if I’m not doing that?” How does one give themselves not just the decision, but the permission?

You say it. You claim it. I’m sorry, but most things in society are about keeping people under a thumb. It doesn’t matter if you’re a woman, what color you are, if you’re a man, or if you’re of what religion. It doesn’t matter. Society, as a norm, wants to keep people right here. You don’t need permission from me to live your life. You can live your life. I’ve always done things differently, so I have that background. I don’t care what other people think. It’s what’s going to make me happy, and I’m not hurting people. You give yourself permission.

It’s okay if your neighbor judges you for doing X, Y, and Z because they don’t matter in that scenario. It doesn’t matter. If you’re allowing their judgment to affect you, then that’s on you. If you want to impress them or you want them to think a certain way about you, that’s on you. Once you choose to give yourself permission to do X, Y, and Z that looks outside the norm, but it’s something that you want to do, and you think it’s healthy for you. That’s on you if you’re not taking those steps.

The Path To Recovery

If I am a widow or widower and it has been 15 or 20 years and I still feel like it was the day that they left. Is there any hope if I want to make a choice and I want something different? Is that possible, or have I been in this space too long that I’m not recoverable?

It’s 100% possible. The human spirit is bigger than anything. The human spirit is connected to God, and that is bigger than anything. Whatever God you believe in or whatever source you believe in, you’re connected to that. When I gave myself permission the next day to continue living an epic life, everything changed. It was hard. I’m not recommending it to anybody, but that is what got me through because that’s my intention.

If somebody has been stuck in that for 15 or 20 years, give me a call. I have solutions for you. If you haven’t been able to get out of it by yourself or with therapy, I can show you a way. It can be very graceful. It’s not going to be disrespectful to your late spouse. They’re with God. They’re good. Do you know what I mean? Why would we want to suffer?

How would one get in contact with you?

They can call me. They can email me. They can go to my website. They can go to my Instagram. My website is TheKindBrain.com. My phone number and my email are on there. My Instagram is @Kind.Brain. People can schedule a 20 to 30-minute free consultation with me. I want to hear the stories about the spouses, but we’re not going to stay in that.

If you’re calling me, you’re reaching out for help, and you want to get past this. That’s why I’m going to assume someone is calling me. We do the things that get somebody through that. You’re signing up for the program and renting the NeurOptimal, and we’re meeting once a week. I will handhold you through this, and you will be able to do it. I have complete faith in every single person that I talk to that they can move through it.

What would the discovery call or that first conversation look like? What should I be prepared to discuss?

Not everybody is a widow calling me, but it’s like, “What’s going on? Are you sleeping? What are the basics that you’ve been ignoring? Are you getting in the sun? Are you getting into nature? Are you putting your feet on dirt, sand, or grass?” There are very basic things that somebody can do that get them back into their bodies.

When somebody has gone so far, and they haven’t been sleeping, and maybe they’ve gotten in the sun, but they’re looping, great. Again, the KINDbrain experience can move you through that. I’m with them every week. I’m not saying, “Go off and figure it out for yourself.” I will give them tools. It’s about what choices you are making, what you are willing to make moving forward, and how committed you are. It’s that simple. Everybody’s got their different story.

When I work with men and women, it’s usually very different. Regardless of being a widow or not, men usually have an issue with self-trust or self-sabotage. They’re not trusting their choices, or they’re feeling shame about things. With women, they get stuck in the anxiety, the looping, and the emotional piece. Men and women are different. I work with them differently because they are.

Recalibrating Your Environment

Thank you. When you thought about having this conversation, what were some things that you wanted to make sure the people in this community took away from this discussion?

I want to thank you for having this discussion and giving this opportunity to so many people out there. I know that you have a huge following, and I know that people are grateful that you are an outlet for them. If anybody can take away anything, it’s giving themselves permission to live the life that they want to be living authentically. Everybody can do that. That’s my prayer for people, that they’re discovering what that looks like and then making the choices to go do it.

I can relate to that. When you said making the reality of, “I have a clean slate. What do I want to do with that?” I remember I was driving home from work, and I was thinking about dinner. I thought about the plates that I would use for dinner. There were some plates that my late husband and his mother picked out a gazillion years ago. We would spend time trying to figure out which is the chipped plate and which one we will eat with.

I started thinking about opening the silverware drawer, and nothing matched anymore. I was like, “I’m not doing that. I am going to get some plates.” I wanted square plates, and he could not bring himself to see past a round plate. I stopped on the way home. I picked up some plates. I stopped and got some silverware. I came home with a takeout bag. I put all those dishes away. I was like, “I live here, and I’m going to live here.”

My husband had died, and both our children left to go into the Military. I’m in this 2,600 square foot house that had Thanksgiving and all the things to be in there by myself. I had to make a choice. Was I going to feel abandoned? Was I going to choose to live? All these things do not take money. I took different things from the house and rearranged them. I took what was my daughter’s bedroom and made that my study. I moved things around. I took my son’s bedroom and made it a guest room. I started adjusting it for me.

That is a huge step. One of the things we didn’t talk about is that our brain has a program for the way things look and expect things to be the same. You can simply change the paint in a room. Maybe it’s a chair where your loved one always sat. When you come into the house, you see that. If you move that chair, your brain has to start reprogramming.

It’s going to create a new neural pathway. The most important thing you said in that is you made the choice, and that is amazing. How did it feel in your body? Even just the dishes. Once you changed the dishes and you were in your house and you were in your kitchen, how did that feel in your body?

Amazing. I’m a retired Army officer. I am purpose-driven. I was making that decision very early on, like you. We’re in the hospital. My husband’s body is right here. My husband Mark had a heart attack unexpectedly. My daughter makes it to the hospital, and I’m picking myself off the floor because the nurses said, “Your daughter’s coming.” I’m like, “She doesn’t need to see me like this. Let me get myself.” I told her, “You are still going into the Military as planned.”

To this day, she’s like, “Mom, I’m trying to cry, and you’re like, ‘Stay on task.’” I’ve seen too many other people lose their lives because they felt like they had to stay at home to take care of people. I didn’t need her to pause her life for me. I knew that I would, somewhere or another, figure this out, but it didn’t require her not having a life. I know her dad would have been like, “We’ve traveled the world. I need you to keep living. We’re going to cry this out, but no.”

I can relate to that because that’s how I am. I know a lot of people are not that way, but they may want what it looks like to be that way in trying to figure out, “How do I change this? My coping skills for previous griefs are not serving me well in this situation. I need something different because I want something different.”

We have all created our maladaptive behaviors to keep us safe and secure. They’ve proven not to be that helpful because here you are, or here somebody is, ten years later, still in complete grief and despair. It doesn’t have to be like that. A week or two later, I moved his clothes out of the closet. I got a new bed. I changed our bedroom furniture. It was like you’re saying, I was like, “I live here now. This is me.” It’s okay to do that.

The prayer that I have for everybody is that they give themselves permission to do what is best for them at this point. Everybody is different. I’m saying this to the audience. You are living in the house. Things have changed. It’s okay that you want to change dishes, bedroom furniture, your hair, or whatever it is. It’s okay to do that because this is your life. You’re not doing it jointly with anybody else until you do it again.

Maybe you don’t.

Make the choices. I am a firm believer that our spouses are in Heaven or whatever, cheering us on. When I get with his best friends, we ride him. We make fun of him. I know he is like, “Thank God. I love this so much,” because he loved it when he was alive. I know he is like, “You’re going to get married again. I want you to find a great dad for Zane.” All the things. I know that he wants me to be happy, and I guarantee that is the same for everyone else. They’re in spirit. They’re a soul with God.

I’m going to challenge another question. What about that person who had a horrible marriage? There was abuse that deep down inside, they are relieved that they are no longer in this situation. They think their spouse is like, “I’m glad you’re mad. I’m glad you’re suffering.” They don’t have a vision of them being in a happy place. They’re glad that they’re no longer in despair. What do we say to them?

What I would say is to be grateful that you are in a new situation. Be in the gratitude of, “The abuse is done. Now, I can make different decisions.” My guess is that person is going to have to do a lot of soul searching and digging to understand how they got themselves into that situation and how to not repeat it again. To me, that’s another topic because they were in that. Whether they were on the way to getting out or whatever it was, they were in it, and there’s a reason why they were in it. How do we avoid doing that again?

Regardless, let’s move into gratitude. If you’re clean and clear, then be clean and clear and be happy about it. How do we move you into getting back into your life? I’m not even being cold and callous about it. We are the ones physically living here. We are still in the 3D body form. It is completely on that person to be in the mindset of, “I know that my spouse is in Heaven, going, ‘Whatever.’” That’s your mindset, so you can shift that. You don’t have to stay in that.

It’s a choice to see reality for what it is. Maybe I am making it up. Maybe they’re completely neutral in Heaven to what we’re doing. I like to think that at least my husband is cheering me on, and everybody else is, too. If somebody else has that different perspective, is that helping you or is that hindering you? It’s going to hinder you. It’s not going to feel good. It keeps you in this loop of abuse. Let’s step out of it. Gratitude would be the first piece to that.

Do not allow them to continue abusing you. They are no longer here. Is there anything you wanted to cover that we did not discuss?

I feel like I said a lot. I hope that it has been helpful to somebody. I give a lot of attention, and I’m intentional with my clients. I love what I do. I don’t take on their story. I’m here. I’m available. I’m happy to help the next widow or widower move through to the other side.

Healing In Community

Thank you. I’d like to give my guests an opportunity to be the host. Do you have any questions for me?

A question will come, but I do want to say you are full of love and light. You are full of spirit and God. It is such a joy to hear how you have gone through your process, too. What made you decide to do the show and want to go bigger than your community?

It was not my choice at all. I remarried. My current husband had a cousin who passed away, and the widow posted. It was his birthday. I looked at that message on Facebook, and I was like, “The first birthday.” I reached out and texted her, like, “Do you want to talk?” She was like, “It’s late.” I rise at 4:00 AM, and I am down super early. I like to be up when it’s quiet. I like that time for me. I said, “I’m here if you want to talk.”

She called me. I feel like the texts didn’t even go all the way through. We were on the phone talking until 1:00. It was way past my bedtime. I have a chair over here. I got out of that chair feeling like everything was creaking. I crawled into bed, and my husband was like, “What were you doing?” I told him, and he was like, “Oh.” I remember when my husband died, and a widow swooped me up. She took me to the spot, and I was like, “This is not a good look. I don’t think we’re supposed to be here.” She said, “Bring a swimsuit.” I was like, “What are we doing?”

I know the power of being able to share your story with someone you don’t have to explain it to. If you told somebody, “I haven’t showered in three days,” they’re going, “Yes.” To give that to somebody seemed like the least that I could do. Before I went into the bedroom, I could hear a guy saying, “What are you going to do when the next person calls?” I was like, “No one is calling me this late. What are you talking about?” It was then like, “How does a person who tunes into this show at 2:00 in the morning know that they’re not alone?”

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, this nonprofit, is a non-faith-based organization. The one thing I have learned, and I do know, is that oftentimes, people are conflicted in whatever their faith is during a traumatic loss. This was intentional not to have a religious affiliation. These are my personal beliefs. My personal belief is that if I am loving you through the love of God, I shouldn’t have to put a title on it. I should show up in that love. What I heard God was saying was, “How do we expand the conversation?”

At the time, my mother, who I want to say was 79, had a show. She was talking about the things that she has learned over 79 years of living in this world. God dropped in my spirit about a show and a nonprofit. Hence, Widowhood Real Talk with Tina was born. My job is not to carry the loss of the people that I connect with, but to make community. Someone said this in a conversation, “We suffer alone, but we heal in community.” I have seen some amazing connections made.

I know a widow who was six weeks pregnant when her husband passed. To be able to connect her with another widow who has a child about the same age, and they live 30 minutes from each other, is an amazing gift to give to the world. We are having an event here in Norfolk on May 16, 2026, called Hope Grows Here. We are celebrating my birthday, but we are also connecting. There are a lot of people who have met virtually, and they will meet each other for the first time. A lot of people don’t have a triggering experience when dressing up in a ‘60s outfit.

We may have an experience like, “The last time I dressed up was with my spouse.” We didn’t want any of that. I wanted it to be ‘60s-themed. Maybe you want to go glam, or you want to be bell-bottomed out. We need to be able to have something to look forward to, to celebrate, and to enjoy. At the same time, in this experience, we need to be able to raise money for people who need to go back to school to obtain a livable wage.

I am turning my birthday into something for the community to celebrate. There are so many times that I’ve talked to widows and widowers where they don’t have anything to look forward to. They don’t have any place they want to go. I know some of these people are traveling for the first time or getting on the plane since their spouse passed to be in this space, to be with other people, and to celebrate.

That’s huge. That’s beautiful. I love that you’re doing that. Good for them for going and making it a commitment to attend.

It is huge. I know my job is to follow the guidance that I’m given. With where people take it from there, you go back to saying it is a choice. Somebody may choose to say, “I’m afraid I don’t want to go.” What does that get you? You miss all the pictures and all the videos. You wanted to go, but you didn’t.

That’s your choice. You’re missing some fun because you didn’t want to be there. Every day, it is hard to make these choices. I love that you said trying to get through that tunnel. Not because we woke up one day and said, “I want better.” I was crying buying those dishes, but I was like, “We’re getting them. If not, where am I going to be?”

The Multi-Dimensional Path To Freedom

Two things can be true at once. We are multidimensional beings. I remember there was a point. It was maybe a week. I don’t even know. Days blurred in the beginning. A few days in, I’m laughing, and I’m in despair. We are multi-dimensional beings. When we are not taught that, and we are taught to be shameful and feel shame to feel something out of the ordinary. Whatever that is, whether it be going to the spa, buying the dishes, or cleaning out the closet. We’re taught, “That’s not an appropriate timeline,” what is an appropriate timeline? These are completely arbitrary.

When people keep themselves in that box, it’s like being in a bird cage. You’re in the cage yourself. The door is open. You can come out anytime. Sometimes, it’s scary. Sometimes, when I work with clients, I can see that they don’t want to go past that comfort zone. I’ve been there. Not even about being a widow, but there’s a comfort zone that I usually don’t want to cross. I will, but I don’t want to do it.

Once we cross it, it frees us up. You’re the only one keeping yourself in that comfort zone. Once you get outside of that box and outside of that cage, there’s freedom. It’s completely okay. Go to the spa. Get a massage. Have sex with somebody who’s going to make you feel better. Biologically, we need human connection. We need these things. Being holed up in our house is not healthy for anybody.

Thank you. Kelley, I would like you to close out this conversation. Anything you’d like to say before we wrap it up? I leave it in your hands.

Thank you for giving me the space. Thank you for letting me hold space here. I would love to hear from people who are tuning in if anything resonated with them. The biggest thing I can say is allow yourself to make a different choice. It is okay. If you need me to say it or you to say it, it’s completely okay. You might mess up. You might make a choice that gets messy. I have done that. I have been there. There were some things that got messy, and I cleaned them up and moved on. It’s okay because we’re living and breathing. We’re human. I’ll end on that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Important Links

• Kelley Raleigh on LinkedIn
• Kelley Raleigh on Instagram
• KINDbrain
• NeurOptimal
• WidowhoodRealTalk@gmail.com

About Kelley Raleigh

Kelley Raleigh is a Human Connector & Excellence Activator. She is an unschooling mom, retreat facilitator, and brain trainer for high-achieving clients across the country. In the last 10 years, she has risen from a massive loss of 2 babies, her beloved dog, AND husband, all sudden and all devastating. She decided those moments in time would ignite and transform the master teacher within and activate her regardless of circumstances