No mother should be burying their children, and no mother deserves to deal with their son’s murder. Unfortunately for Laureen Flood Rivers, she had to face the heavy burden of losing her son to gun violence in 2003. In this episode, she looks back on her story of grief, isolation, and coping after the brutal death of her son, as well as how it shook and ultimately transformed her relationship with God. She recounts how she let go of anger and found inner peace after forgiving those responsible for his murder. Laureen also emphasizes the urgent need to take action, especially from church communities, to finally put an end to the vicious cycle of gun and gang violence. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide. — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Coping With A Son’s Murder With Laureen Flood Rivers My guest is Ms. Laureen Flood Rivers. Hi, Laureen. Hi, Minister Tina. Why are you laughing? What’s so funny? Just the Minister Tina, your face. I can’t help it. That’s okay. Some of you may not know that I’m an ordained minister, and that is nothing that I have a problem with. I’ll actually explain that. Thank you for making that point of conversation. When Widowhood Real Talk with Tina was started, it was created with the intention to meet people at their point of need in their grief. I know that sometimes when people are grieving, their relationship with their faith is shot to trash, and I did not want that to be a hindrance. When my pastor and I spoke about me starting this nonprofit, we spoke about the idea that, one, everyone is not a Christian, and I understand that. I didn’t want the idea that I am an ordained minister underneath the Christian faith to be a hindrance for someone, that they could not feel love and support when they interact with me. Because if Minister Tina came first, that’s what they would see. Not only would they hear the word minister, they would probably think about every minister that relates to their past. Whether that was a positive or negative experience, it would become standoffish. The intention was this nonprofit is not faith-based. Mentioning my own personal story, my faith in God is the only way that I have been able to endure this great loss. Yes, I am an ordained minister, and she is. Laureen knows how relationships started in that particular part of my life. That is how our relationship is. I don’t have a problem with it because I know that that’s what God has called me to do.     Losing A Son What I know is true in me walking in my calling, whether the title is upfront, the love is felt. That is what I believe that people are supposed to receive from God, not a title, not this concept of being judged, but meeting people at their place of need and, in that place of need, filling that relationship with God. People will ask me, like, “Like how, for real? Like you have not lost all your mind?” And I will start with this, a lot of times, people are mad and upset with God, and they’re holding that inside. I have learned from the people that I’ve interacted with that until they’re able, to be honest, that they’re mad with God, they can be stuck in a place where they are not honestly dealing with their grief in all aspects of it. What would you say to that part? My relationship with you started in the heart of my grief over the loss of my son. Your son’s name? Jihad. We called him Haddi. His name is Jihad Nasir Rivers, and we call him Haddi. Jay Rock, he had a lot of, he’s my baby. I’m the youngest child of five. We’re going to go with Haddi today? We’re going to go with Haddi because that’s how everybody related to him. When I met you at Shawnee Church, I didn’t have a great relationship with my home church, which was about an hour and a half away from where I’m located in New Jersey. I love my bishop. I love him. He was the first male father figure, the first male that I actually reverenced in my life was a bishop. I couldn’t talk to him. I thought I could talk to him after, I’m going to say the death. My son was murdered, and it’s clear that he didn’t just up and die. He died at someone else’s hand. It was hard for me to understand why God chose to take my son. Did it start with, “How did God let this happen to me?” Yes. It was a lot. I saw you trying to process that. It was like, “God, I’ve been serving you. God, I’ve been faithful. God, I’ve been doing this. How did this happen to my baby?” My question was, “God, have I been serving you right? Have I been serving you in spirit and truth?” I was Muslim, and I chose Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It was a transition for my family. My children, I started them off, they just knew Muslim. I believe that I became Muslim because my brother was Muslim. I don’t believe that I chose it for my relationship with God or a god. I think that it was just you following who is into religion. I had to find something at the time, and my mother didn’t display that, but anyway, let me get back to how I was feeling about God. The night that my son was murdered, I have a