Who I Became Because I Loved You
Love changes us—but sometimes in ways we don’t fully realize until we look back. In this heartfelt reflection, we explore the transformative power of loving someone deeply and how that love shaped the person I became. From lessons in vulnerability to the growth sparked by connection, this story dives into the ways love challenges us, teaches us, and ultimately helps us evolve. Discover how love isn’t just about the other person—it’s about who you become in the process. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Who I Became Because I Loved You Dedication, Purpose, & Intentionality Welcome to who I became because I loved you. Throughout March, I am dedicating this show to my late husband, Mark Fornwald. He left this world on March 11th. In each episode, it is part of an intentional space of remembrance, reflection, and honesty. These conversations may feel a little different than a typical show. Some moments are spoken directly to Mark, some are communicated to you, and some are simply love continued out loud. If you’re joining mid-month, you haven’t missed anything. You need to be here. This is not a series that requires catching up on. Only presence. Mark, I am speaking to you again and letting others listen in. The first question. Mark, would you recognize me now? I think the answer is yes and that’s based on a show that I’ve done with my daughter and my son. Both of them have articulated in their own way that I’m showing up in Tina brand. That if something happens, I give myself to it. I challenged myself with it. I address it and I keep going. Mark would say, “You did this pretty much as I thought you would.” Personal Transformation & Boundaries I have grieved him probably every day since he has been gone for years and yet I still keep living. I keep showing up and living my life intentionally. That is done intentionally with this show. It’s done intentionally with the work that I do, with this nonprofit Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, with every retreat that I host, the event that we are hosting on May 16th on Norfolk called Hope Grows Here. Mark would probably look at say, “That’s what I thought that you would do.” I am glad that I have continued being who I am under different circumstances but yet being the woman that I am. Do you know which parts of me were born after you left? Absolutely. I had experienced breast cancer before Mark passed. In that process, my no game was starting to develop. Where I could say no for something without question, don’t ask me about it because no was in complete answer. After Mark’s death, my no game became even stronger because I don’t know my moment, my hour or my second when I will no longer be in this world. I can say no to something that I don’t want to do. That was birthed out of him. This nonprofit that I run, this whole show that we’re having was birthed out of Mark leaving this world. Looking at life differently, he would be surprised about my ability to be a little bit sloppier, ability to not care about things being cleaned up as much as they were. He also would be surprised about my ability to be late sometimes. It was so important for me to always be on time. Part of that is that I am a retired army officer, but now there are some things that’s like, “If I get there on time, it’s fine.” Grief & Emotional Reality He would also be surprised because my daughter does not stress me out. I go, “Nobody died then it’ll be okay. It will work itself out.” He would be surprised about that. Do you know what grief demanded of me? When I read that question, I had no idea the amount of phone calls I had to make in that first year to say, “My husband died.” I needed to change the electricity out of his name into my name because my husband died. To call his employer and tell them, “My husband died and he will not be returning to work.” All of those conversations. We had a plan mentally what the other person would do in the absence but had no concept of the emotional weight of caring about life, all the paperwork, waking up every day and being like, “Sam, Tina, Mark died. Don’t expect him to be here.” To intentionally have to tell myself to practice saying Tina instead of Mark and Tina. The weight of not being able to sleep at night, laying in bed and looking at the pillow that he would not sleep on. That weight, that stress, I certainly didn’t expect it, and I don’t think that he could have expected what grief would demand of me. I was struggling with going back to work, to wonder if I could think and have conscious thoughts that would allow me to perform a job. The mental fall and the forgetfulness. All of that. I don’t think he realized the grief, his absence, his death would demand that of me. Do you know how loving you prepared me for becoming someone new? What comes to mind is Mark’s family. I had a lot of people that died at an early age, and because of that, we had several conversations about him leaving this world and the life that he wanted me to have in his absence. What kind of love? What kind of amazing
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