friendship Archives - Widowhood Real Talk with Dr. Tina

Living Life With Passion: Lessons Learned From Death Over Coffee With Joi Brooks

Podcast / February 22, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk | Joi Brooks | Death Over Coffee

Sometimes, all you need is a good conversation over a cup of coffee. In this episode, Joi Brooks, the host of Email and Coffee, opens up about the profound journey she embarked upon following the loss of her husband, Harry, and the passing of her parents. Joi shares her insights on embracing life with renewed passion, drawing valuable lessons from the shadows of death, all while savoring the warmth of a comforting cup of coffee. Beyond her personal tragedy, she discovered an unexpected ally and, through her experiences, gained the wisdom to support others in navigating their own grief. Join us for a heartfelt conversation with Joi Brooks, where the aroma of coffee accompanies reflections on life, loss, and the enduring spirit that arises from the darkest moments. Thank you for viewing this post. I am not a licensed therapist or professional life coach. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Living Life With Passion: Lessons Learned From Death Over Coffee With Joi Brooks Our guest is Ms. Joi Brooks. She is a widow and has a wonderful perspective that I know that you will find insightful, empowering, and encouraging. Let’s get into the conversation now. Happy morning to you, Joi Brooks. Happy morning. I’m thankful that it’s not flooding this morning. She’s been part of the widowhood conversation. Flooding, what is that about? It’s called living on the South Shore of Long Island. We get used to it over time. It’s not a good thing, but it could be worse. I was looking at different places in the weather. Ohio is getting spanked by the snow and a lot of other places. What is the weather in New York? It’s foggy. We had a rain and windstorm. It wasn’t as bad as Tuesday or Wednesday when we did have flooding. It’s not in the house or anything like that. It could be, but it was about an inch in the garage. How long have you lived in this area? Twenty-five years in 2024. What’s your worst flooding experience? Superstorm Sandy. How did that impact you? Five feet in the street and three feet in the house. It’s past the garage into your home. It’s like a swimming pool in the house. What was that experience? We lost everything. Every day, you rip everything out. You throw it out, and everybody down the block has the same thing. Everybody’s stuff is out in the front. The Red Cross trucks drive by, and they feed us. It’s martial law. There’s a lot right there. That’s packed with stuff. What is the frequency in which you’ve endured? That was what they called a 100-year flood. It shouldn’t happen like that. Hurricanes, yes, because Long Island is prone to what is called a North Easter, which comes up the coast of the United States. It circles around and spanks us. Because I’m on the south shore of Long Island, it goes around and pushes the water up, and we get a hot time. A perfect storm was Superstorm Sandy, which was a hurricane, a full moon, and a North Easter. A hurricane is not bad enough. It was a North Easter hurricane. The way it came up and circled around. That was the perfect storm. We get flooded. There are times when I walk the dogs, and it’s an adventure because I’m not going down the street. I turn around. I got to walk on this person’s lawn. It’s something that we live with. If we get down to a personal level, we shouldn’t be living on the South Shore. One of my husband’s dying wishes was to move out of the house. I like it here. The summers are beautiful. The neighbors are lovely. They know me, and I know them. I’ve been living here for several years. If I were not to come out of my house for 2 or 3 days, they’d be knocking, phoning, or texting. That’s important. I could move to some other place. Odds are something else would be an issue. It’s a trade-off. The weather on Long Island in the summer and fall is lovely. In the winter, it’s iffy and dicey. In August, we get hurricanes. New York, it’s hurricanes. The East Coast gets hurricanes. You dived right into what was going to be my question. You spoke about the devastation, but why stay? You’re right. Everywhere in the world has some level of extreme weather that you experience, but you cannot outdo those relationships that have been built and cemented over time and the people who care for you. People would notice if something were awry in your life. I can understand that outweighing because you have to pick which extreme weather situation you’re going to live in. You have found one worth being there for. When your neighbors read the blog, they know how important and valuable they are. If you’ve never been mushy, let them know. They mean a lot. There are services, shopping, doctors, lawyers, and a whole amount of services that, for the past several years, I’ve been part of. I’d have to start that all over again. I’d find a new doctor, dentist, or accountant. You could pick anybody. You could shop at any store that you want. When I walk into my supermarket, there are a few people who recognize me, and I talk with them. It’s a thing. You mentioned your husband. Please share your late husband’s name. His name is Harry. Since he passed, he’s become a saint. He’d laugh at that because he was no saint. I’ve turned him into Saint Harry. He could do

Living Life With Passion: Lessons Learned From Death Over Coffee With Joi Brooks Read More »

The Challenges And Rewards Of Relocating After The Death Of A Spouse With Monika Dunn

Podcast / April 27, 2023

There are many things you can do after losing a spouse. One of these can be relocation. In this episode, Monika Dunn provides insights into the rewards and challenges of relocating after the death of a spouse. The discussion with Monika Dunn wraps up with sharing Tina’s journey from her perspective and those of family/friends. Moving to Virginia, Tina stayed with Monika on her last night in PA. Many connections join Tina’s friendship with Monika, the similarities of their children’s ages, serving in the military, their faith, and being in an interracial marriage, to name a few. Tune in to this episode and see how friendship gets us through challenges. Thank you for viewing this post. I am not a licensed therapist or professional life coach. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here The Challenges And Rewards Of Relocating After The Death Of A Spouse With Monika Dunn Hello, widowhood. I want to thank you for being on this journey with me. Thank you for investing your time in tuning in to this show and hearing the stories of my grief over the death of my late husband from the vantage point of myself, my family, and my friends. The conversation with Monika in this episode is wrapping up the sharing of my story because I wanted you to understand you are not in this alone. This is a road that I have traveled longer than some and shorter than others. As we continue on this topic of grief and losing a loved one, I want you to know that I care, and I want to hear your stories. I want you to share questions that you would like for us to cover on the show. I would like for you to email me if you’re interested in sharing your story. You can go to the website because Widowhood Real Talk with Tina is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit with the mission of supporting people that are grieving, and providing a candid place for a conversation about grief. That’s what this is all about. You can email me at WidowhoodRealTalk@gmail.com. You can go to our website, Widowhood-RealTalkWithTina.org to be able to share your stories and recommend different questions. Let’s get into this conversation with my friend Monika. Our conversation is with my girlfriend, Monika. She got me out here way past my bedtime but Monika is committed to the hood, so she got me committed too. I’m appreciative of her time. Monika, tell us a little bit about yourself. I’ve known Tina for quite some time. We go way back to when our kids were little. We met in church mainly because our kids were together and in school together as well. Besides that, we connected pretty easily because we share a lot of similar interests. I have two kids and I’ve worked most of my life either for a company. I work partially for a spa and partially build my own clients so when I retire one day, I’ll have a little lovely job or hobby, and provide some monetary resources as well. I’m from Poland but I’ve been in the US since ’87. This is my home now. I love God. I love sports. I’m very competitive when it comes to football. The Steelers are my team. College football and college basketball, I’m all into it. I love the outdoors. I love working out. I try to be healthy and I like having fun. Let’s go back to Poland. What age did you come to the US and what was your life like in Poland? I came here when I was sixteen. I came from a tiny little place with literally less than 1,000 people in my village. I came from a little place to New York City. That was a shock. Life in Poland was very different from what I experienced here. Most of the people were farming, but not business. It’s to mainly grow food for themselves. Either one or both parents were working as well to provide income. As kids, we work since we were very little, either attending to the livestock, going out and working in the fields, school, and very little playtime. Everybody knew everybody. If you got in trouble with anyone, they would correct you right there. We didn’t get in trouble that much, but it was very loving and open at the same time in some ways. I also had a tough time growing up because my mom was in the US. When I was ten, she left and I didn’t see her since I was sixteen. We also didn’t have phones available or camera phones for sure. I would talk to her maybe twice a year for a couple of minutes with a very bad reception. In between, we would write letters. Also, my youngest sister, who was three at the time when my mom left in ’81, I haven’t seen her until she was ten. She left when she was a baby and then she was a little brat when we got here to the US, but she was super excited to see us. Tending animals, you said two words. You shared some of that with me. I want you to expand on that a little bit more about what tending animals look like. They have to be taken care of every day. Usually, I would get up around the summertime probably at 3:30 or 4:00. I go out there and feed them. I clean up all their mess. I give them water. In the summertime, we would take them out to pasture and we didn’t have enclosures. The way our lots were set

The Challenges And Rewards Of Relocating After The Death Of A Spouse With Monika Dunn Read More »

Chris Wissmann On Drawing Strength From Faith And Friends When Grieving

Podcast / April 13, 2023

Losing your partner siphons everything from you. During such a low point in your life, never forget that you can always turn to your faith and friends to get through with grief. In this discussion, Chris Wissmann talks about drawing strength from God and the people around you when you are grieving. She provides a candid insight into our friendship, the people Chris has lost in her life, and how her faith has been her strength. We also discuss our friendship over the years and our families. Chris provided a safe space and immense interest in my thoughts and grief for Mark. I sincerely appreciate her willingness to honestly want to know every idea, concern, and stressful part of missing my late husband. — Thank you for viewing this post. I am not a licensed therapist or professional life coach. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Chris Wissmann On Drawing Strength From Faith And Friends When Grieving The OGs My next conversation is with my girlfriend, Chris Wissmann. We have had children and went on a road trip together. She’s going to talk about that. We have lived life together. We are not paid actors, but we are friends that love each other. We are sharing our life and our story in hopes of encouraging someone else along this way. I am sorry for the person that you have lost that has driven you to this conversation, but I’m glad that you found us. I thank you for being now part of our hood and our community. Let’s get into the conversation now. My guest is my girlfriend, Chris. Let’s see what she is going to say. How about you tell me a little bit about yourself? I am a wife and a mother. I enjoy friendships. I need more questions. I like to cook. What about that belly wash? That is grape juice. It’s grape concentrate like the frozen stuff and a package of Kool-Aid. You could get a grape tropical punch and prepare the Kool-Aid like you would normally, but with less sugar. Put the grape juice concentrate in there with the appropriate amount of water and stir it up. It’s a belly wash from Wisconsin. That’s what Mark’s mom and grandmother would fix for the people who were helping them with their harvest and stuff on the farm. It seemed way more complicated than that, and the baking skills that you’re underestimating over here. Thank you. I am not an elaborate baker. I only bake easy things. Which are? Brownies, pies, cakes. We like to eat a whole lot of sweet stuff. How did we meet? You met my husband first. My husband was a non-traditional student at CNU. We moved from farming back to Virginia so he could go to school. CNU is Christopher Newport College. That was before it became a university. I was working and Mark was in school full-time. He was busy meeting all these people and they all had female names. He told me he was going to be meeting Tina to play racquetball with her. What time? On Saturdays is how it came to me. I’m like, “Okay, but who is Tina?” The time became important because it was 6:30 in the morning. Who would get out of bed to play racquetball at 6:30 in the morning besides my husband and especially a female? I didn’t know any girls or women who would get out of bed to do that. Not anybody in their right mind. They were supposed to be married. That’s what he finally told me. I’m like, “Why is she getting up? Why are you playing racquetball with her?” “Because she likes to play racquetball.” “Is she married? What does she do on Saturdays?” “Her husband likes to sleep in as you do.” I’m like, “Ouch.” They played a lot and I didn’t still know who she was. I got up early one morning on Saturday to meet her. This was way before cell phones. I got up early because I had not met her. He hadn’t made any effort for me to meet you. I came home a different day and there was a blonde in my house. He was tutoring her. Now he’s meeting Tina to play racquetball. Who was the blonde? Lori. I had no suspicion that he was being unfaithful, but I also was not comfortable that all his friends at college were girls. I didn’t hear men’s names anywhere. He even got a welcome letter from Christie. I’m like, “This is too many, Lori and Tina. I got to meet her.” Whatever was going on this day, she was making sure Mark was not coming downstairs. I drove to their apartment complex and Mark would normally come down. Before cell phones, I could not honk my horn at 6:00 in the morning because the whole apartment complex would wake up. I’m like, “Where is this dude at? If he did not get up, I’m going to be upset.” I go upstairs and knock on the door. She says, “Hello.” I was like, “Is Mark here?” She’s like, “Who are you?” I was like, “We are about to have a whole situation. I just want to play racquetball.” She starts drilling me and asking me all these questions. I was like, “How do you know if I like playing racquetball with him that much? This could be over.” It might not be worth it. After a while, Chris and I became more friends, and Mark became boring. Her husband’s name is Mark, just like my late husband. Both of our birthdays

Chris Wissmann On Drawing Strength From Faith And Friends When Grieving Read More »

Silent Strength: The Power Of Friendship With Jennifer Pilant

Podcast / March 30, 2023

Jennifer Pilant and Tina Fornwal have been close friends since 2009, and their bond has only grown stronger over the years. In this episode, Jennifer, who is the Supervisor of IT Specialists, showcases the power of friendship through widowhood by demonstrating her unwavering support for Tina after the loss of her husband Mark. Alongside her partner Paul, Jennifer dropped everything to be there for Tina during this difficult time, displaying her own silent strength and emotional depth. Tune in to this inspiring episode to witness the depth and resilience of friendship in the face of adversity. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Silent Strength: The Power Of Friendship With Jennifer Pilant Friends Who Were There Our conversation in this episode is with my friend Jennifer Pilant. She took me back to some places that I forgot and didn’t even realize. I appreciate Jennifer being able to come to this conversation and share her heart. She has some good nuggets. She would call herself one of my quiet friends, but once I got her to talk, you can see the richness and the wealth that she brings to our relationship. Let’s get into the conversation. In this episode, my guest is all the way from the other side of the world is my girlfriend, Jennifer Pilant. Welcome, Jennifer. Where are you right now? I’m in a city called Wiesbaden, Germany. I work at Wiesbaden Army called Clay Kaserne for the Department of the Army. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Share with our guests and friends that are here who is Jennifer Pilant. Jennifer Pilant is a Supervisor of IT Specialists. I work here for the Department of the Army and for NETCOM-Europe. I’m here in Wiesbaden with my son Connor who came over with me. My husband is still in the States, but we’re hoping he joins us soon with a job over here. Before that, I worked for Tobyhanna Army Depot, which in 2012 is where I met Tina. We both started working together on the same day in October 2012. I had the privilege of going through new employee orientation. She was my battle buddy during that. We sat literally next to each other. I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, for many years. We’re going on 29 years on Valentine’s Day this 2023. When you told me that, I was like, “That means double gifts, right? That doesn’t mean you get cheated on Valentine’s and your anniversary.” I guess because he got away with only giving one gift for our anniversary and Valentine’s into one. How did you and Paul meet? I took a hiatus from college and so did he. We both had gone two years. He did school in San Jose California. I was at Rutgers for two years and then we took a financial break from school as we were paying for it ourselves and started working. I had a summer job at a Nine West Distribution Center in New Jersey. He had come back with his parents that retired from the Air Force at that point and they settled back in New Jersey too. We both started working there. We did it before we got married. You talked about Paul’s parents being in the Air Force. How has that impacted anything that happened in your life with you and Paul as far as a military career or serving in the military? It impacted it. As I said, financially we couldn’t afford to support ourselves through college and work full-time and all that. At that point, neither one of us had considered the Air Force. We sat down and started talking to his dad about what he did when he was in the Air Force, the benefits of getting tuition paid for, seeing the world, and getting out of New Jersey. Both were not very happy. From his experiences and guidance, I was like, “Not just Paul joining the Air Force but myself also.” It was a good deal for both of us and it sounded exciting to me as I grew up in a pretty disciplined household thinking about basic training and all that’s involved. As scary as maybe some other people, we both decided, “If we’re going to do this, let’s get married first.” We did that. We got married on Valentine’s Day in 1994 and two weeks later after our honeymoon, I got shipped off to basic training. They called me. They said, “We got an earlier spot than what Paul’s was. We had an opening.” I was like, “I can do this.” I got shipped off the basic training and then probably a month and a half later, Paul got shipped to basic training. What was basic training like in the Air Force? I was in the Army. I’m curious about what that looks like. I want to know. The first day, you remember getting there, the initial part, the shocker, or what do you recall from boot camp? The time from getting off the bus, getting yelled at, and being told what to do and where to stand. From that time on, it was probably a shock to the system, but not a terrible thing. It’s a day of being shocked and then at that point, it was like, “All I do is follow the rules and what they tell me to do.” I already knew from Paul’s dad. The biggest thing I always joke about is, “You have to do what they say and follow orders. Be smart enough to learn what you’re supposed to learn and the way you’re supposed to learn it. They can yell at you all the way up in your face.” Screaming and yelling are there. They’re screaming and spitting in your face but at least, in the Air Force, they can’t hit you. For all this time growing up, you’re getting disciplined, and the discipline I went through it was, “I

Silent Strength: The Power Of Friendship With Jennifer Pilant Read More »

The Power Of Friendship: Navigating Grief And New Beginnings With Elizabeth Randles

Podcast / March 23, 2023

For today’s episode, Tina Fornwald sits down with her dear friend, Elizabeth Randles. They were both in the military, worked at Tobyhanna Army Depot, deployed to Iraq, and are women of color in the workplace. Liz shares her experience with grief and how her life is in a stage of growth and new beginnings. Their discussion shows the extensive levels of support a friend will give in your time of need. When you are in your most difficult moments of life, people often scatter, but for Tina, she learned her friends dig in deep and help carry the load. This episode is a testament to the power of friendship and the enduring connections that sustain us through all of life’s ups and downs. Join this candid conversation with Liz. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here The Power Of Friendship: Navigating Grief And New Beginnings With Elizabeth Randles Friends Who Were There Thank you for joining us. We’re going to have a conversation with a friend of mine named Elizabeth, who was with me in Tobyhanna with my husband passed. We spent a lot of time together. Liz has gone through some personal losses that she’ll share and what she was able to leverage to have empathy for me and what I was going through. Let’s get into the conversation. Also, I am sorry for the person you have lost. The grief that you are carrying has driven you to be in this conversation. I hope you feel like you are part of my hood and know you are part of the community and you were not alone. Let’s see what this is about. My guest in this episode under the series, “My Friends Who Were There,” is my girlfriend, Elizabeth. Hey, Liz. How are you? I am good. It has been a minute since we’ve seen each other. I am glad to get to see you and have some catch-up time. It’ll be a year. Who is Elizabeth? Tell us about yourself. Elizabeth is somebody that is constantly growing and evolving. I’m learning more about myself the further I get away from the military because I joined the military at seventeen. That’s all I knew all my life. When I retired, I had to learn who Liz is and that was a process because I didn’t even know what my favorite color was. I didn’t know how to dress for my body type because I always wore a uniform. I had to learn who she is. I’m still learning who she’s still coming to. To be 63, I’m still learning. How old are you? I’m 63 and still learning. You’re flawless at 63. How long were you in the military and in what branch? What did you do? I was in the military for 28 years. I was in the Army. I was a communication electronic repairer. I repaired radios, teletype, and things like that. What were the evolution of your career in the military, the rank you had, and the places you traveled? I made the highest enlisted rank that you can make which is an E-9 Sergeant Major. I’m the first female in my job or my MOS or Military Occupation Specialty to make an E-9. That’s an accomplishment. I’m in a book, the 100 Sergeants Major of Color. There’s a little asterisk next to my name because I’m the first female in MOS. I’ve been all over the world. I’ve been to Kuwait, Germany three times, Korea twice, Fort Campbell, Kentucky twice, Fort Dix, New Jersey, Fort Monmouth, New Jersey, and my last duty station, Tobyhanna Army Depot in Pennsylvania. How about your family, friends, and other things going on outside the work list? I’m an empty nester now. I’m starting my life over as a single person. How old are your children? What are they doing? The oldest is married and he’s doing well. He’s back in school now. The youngest one is in school and going to Lock Haven University. Both of my boys are back in school. When you’re not working and you’re not raising children, what do you enjoy doing? I take myself to the movies, on dates, and out to dinner. I’ve been traveling a lot. I got back from San Diego. I’ve been out to Detroit. I’ve been doing things I love to do. What was the last movie you saw? I’ve seen Missing. The one with Nia Long. It was good. I took myself out to the movies. How did we meet? I was thinking about that. We met around 2008. You were coming in this little back stairwell and I was going down the little back stairwell to go to the bathroom. We bumped into each other and I was like, “You’re new here.” You said, “Yes, I am.” We gave our names and that was it at that time. Our friendship was a very slow processing friendship because it was just hi, bye, and stuff. We never communicated until a few years later. It was when we took that LMP course. Where was here? Tobyhanna where we worked at. We worked at the military base together. We took an LMP class together. We were deployed to Iraq or Kuwait around the same time too. You were in Kuwait when I was coming back. I had a week’s transition there. That was when we started to connect a little bit more past the hi’s and byes. It was a slow process. That was in 2010 or 2011. I met you in 2008. That’s about a three-year span that took off. What do you remember about our friendship and me being in Pennsylvania? The most I remember most is how people were confusing us you, Liz, and me, Tina. We were both like, “We don’t even look alike.” You’re four inches taller than I am and have a darker complexion. We both had locks, but your locks were different from

The Power Of Friendship: Navigating Grief And New Beginnings With Elizabeth Randles Read More »