Grief And Faith

What A Hospice Chaplain Wants Every Widow To Know About Grief With Phil Allen

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Phil Allen | Grief And Faith

  In this episode of Widowhood Real Talk with Dr. Tina, Dr. Tina welcomes Phil Allen, a hospice chaplain and author who has spent more than three decades walking alongside people facing loss, death, and life’s most difficult seasons. Together, they discuss what grief really looks like, why healing cannot be rushed, and how faith can become a source of comfort rather than pressure during widowhood. Drawing from his book, The Ache in the Ordinary, Phil shares gentle wisdom about finding God’s presence in everyday moments, embracing honest conversations about pain, and discovering hope even when answers are hard to find. Whether you’re newly widowed, supporting someone who is grieving, or seeking encouragement in your own journey, this conversation offers compassionate insight and practical hope. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.   Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   What A Hospice Chaplain Wants Every Widow To Know About Grief With Phil Allen Our guest is Mr. Phil Allen. He’s worked as a lawyer, a pastor, a counselor, and now as a hospice chaplain. His book grew out of that winding path. Let’s get into this conversation now.     Philip, welcome to widowhood. Thank you. It is an honor for me to be here. Honor, thank you, welcome. People usually don’t gravitate that way towards the whole grief thing. Why is that an honor for you in welcome? Naming The Reality Of Universal Pain It’s because we all have it. Often, we think of people in the major seasons of life where it’s just horrible. Certainly, a lot of your readers are in that or have come through that, going through it. The reality is, whether we’re in one of those huge losses or it’s just the pain of life, we all have it. There’s part of me that wonders if somehow culturally, we’re trying to condition ourselves to not admit pain. Probably many years ago, I would not have said if it’s an honor to be on a grief show, but now I do just because so many of us are experiencing it. Having the freedom to talk about it and name it is an honor. What if the world was more welcoming to reality? Life and pain go together. Instead, my life is only amazing when it looks fabulous and airbrushed. Everything is perfect. Can perfection be part of pain in grief? Pain and grief lead to perfection. I suppose that I’d probably need to condition that by saying, I think that so much of perfection is connection. It’s ultimately through connection to God, but connection to each other as well. We most fully become the people we were intended to be. Yes, certainly in this life. Grief is part of perfection. A path to perfection. What a great question. What if the world were open to it? I feel like we’d all be more complete. We’d all be more whole human beings. We’d have space for each other and for ourselves that we don’t always have. For the person that heard everything you said, and was like, “Yes,” and then you said that God word. That’s the part that they wrestle with and feel like, “I’m not sure if that’s part of my story.” Do I understand that? To give you a little bit of my background. I was a pastor for a church for 30 years. I got burned out entirely and it was a spot where I didn’t think I believed anything. I didn’t honestly care if I believed anything or not. I went through a process where the only thing I can say is, from my vantage point, God gradually reintroduced himself to me. Finding Acceptance Through Spiritual Wrestling As he did that, I found a freedom, an acceptance, and an invitation in him that I hadn’t before. I’m a hospice chaplain now. One of the things that I will talk about with patients who don’t believe, but who will let me visit still is, “It’s okay to wrestle with whether you believe, what you believe, or how you believe. God’s bigger than that.” There’s a freedom also in just allowing ourselves the questions and the doubt and saying, “That doesn’t disqualify me from anything.” It can be a place of greater intimacy. Other clergy that are reading and can resonate with the words that you said but they’ve yet to say it out loud or share even come to terms in their own mind that they are there. What would you share with them? On one hand, I’d shared with them a caution because that was part of my burnout. I do have the sense that there are times and places where the church demands an unfair certainty from the clergy. Clergy are expected to have the answers, for their belief to be solid, their family to be healthy, and not to have doubts. I would caution them in maybe recognizing that in themselves that there are probably doubts there. Removing The Burden Of Certainty For Caregivers There’s probably anger and uncertainty. It’s okay. I was a human being 30 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, but I didn’t let myself be. I didn’t let myself have doubts, anger, and uncertainty that I was so willing to affirm and embrace in other people but not in me. I’m something greater. I’d just like to say it’s okay for you to genuinely feel lost at times, angry at times, mad and uncertain. It’s okay. What is the difference between being a hospice chaplain and a pastor? Someone looking from the outside is like, “Clergy is the same thing.” Share and help educate the

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Honoring The Empty Spaces Where Grief And Faith Meet With Kirk Byron Jones

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Kirk Byron Jones | Grief And Faith

  When profound loss shakes the very foundation of your spirit, causing grief and faith to feel like opposites, where do you turn for a candid conversation? Pastor, spiritual director, and author Kirk Byron Jones joins to share his decades of wisdom on God and spirituality amidst the pain of loss. Dr. Jones advocates for the powerful concept of ‘healthy doubt’ as an avenue for spiritual growth, and he shares his own personal journey through burnout and struggles with divine trust. He offers essential practices, like his ‘Morning Brew’ ritual and ‘Peace Pockets,’ encouraging listeners to embrace rest, ‘self-gracing,’ and sacred stillness to transform solitude from isolation into a wellspring of compassionate presence. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.  Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here    Listen to the podcast here   Honoring The Empty Spaces Where Grief And Faith Meet With Kirk Byron Jones Thank you for being along for this mini series, Voices of Widowhood: Healing through the Holidays. Our last guest for this conversation, Dr. Jones, has some nuggets for you. We’re going to talk about what fills you and what drains you. He also has a great acronym to start the day called BREW. The first B is Be still. The R is Receive grace. I’ll let him explain the rest of them to you in this conversation. Let’s jump into it.       Dr. Jones, welcome to the Widowhood. Greetings. It’s good to be with you. I’ve been looking forward to talking with you. When you hear, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” what comes to mind? What a first question. We’re here to talk. First of all, I take the word welcome very seriously in a lighthearted way. When you say, “Welcome,” I see from your face and from the invitation that you mean it, so I don’t take welcomes for granted. Thank you for the welcome. To the Widowhood, I celebrate community amid a missing or a losing. Yet, you found each other, which, to me, speaks of life continuing on amid loss, grief, hurt, and pain. We oftentimes find that in each other. There are resources within, but there are resources without. When you say, “Welcome to the sisters of the Widowhood,” it’s a layered blessing. When Grief Makes God Feel Distant: Honoring The Empty Spaces Thank you. You have spent decades working with pastors and caregivers on the idea of slowing down the pace, having a better relationship with God. I want to start there for the people who are grieving. They’d love to understand what that looks like in their grief because they’re not hearing God. They feel like God is distant. I can tell this conversation is going to be a slow conversation. I hope that people appreciate the pauses as much as they do the words, because the spaces in between this conversation, something tells me, are going to be very important. I would attest to that. This mini series that you agreed to participate in, Voices of Widowhood: Healing through the Holidays, I believe this is going to be the last conversation in this series. It is important as this conversation will air in the last week of January 2026. People have read from different people giving them information about encouragement, how to make it through, and how to breathe. What I’ve often found lingering in the back of those conversations is that missing piece of that candid discussion about God, their faith, and what that looks like in their grief. Understanding that every reader has a different faith that they may resonate with, but the overall concept of how this level of loss impacts one’s faith. Going to your question about how we honor, I hear it as how you honor the empty spaces. Being honest about the distance of divinity is important because often, God feels gone if we’re honest about it. Maybe not so much on a Sunday morning. I’m in the Baptist tradition. When the choir gets going, and there’s a whole lot of hallelujah going on, the assumption is that the spirit is in the place, but I’ve pastored long enough to know that even in such moments, there are people who feel the opposite. They’re maybe clapping to not be detected because it’s habitual. The real truth of the matter is, in any given moment in a worship or anywhere else, God feels gone. I’ve never experienced the loss that the sisters of the widowhood are experiencing. I preached a scripture where it’s post-resurrection. It’s the last chapter in Matthew. The disciples are gathered on the mountain. They’ve gotten word from this alleged resurrected Jesus for them to meet him on the mountain. There’s this interesting passage that says that they’re there. Some doubted. Though they had gathered post-resurrection, some doubted. The promise comes that Jesus says, “I’ll be with you always.” He didn’t separate the crowd before He made the promise, which means to me that the shouters, those who affirmed the resurrection and believed in it, and the doubters received the same promise. I may have been tempted to separate those who believed from those who doubted and said to the believers, “I’m with you,” and ignored those who were doubting. The moral of the story is that God’s being with us does not depend on our being with God. When God seems gone, it seems to me is when we need God the most, even though we may not feel God’s presence. We don’t have to feel God’s presence. God need not be invited to be present. I may have some folks who come at me on this. I don’t believe God needs to be named to

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Walk For Love 2025

Support grief awareness and Walk For Love in style. Proceeds help fund free grief support programs. Merchandise is available now, with new batches printing every 15 days — so order early to ensure you receive your items before the August kickoff on August 3,  2025

🛍️ How It Works

- Order anytime — Bonfire prints new merchandise every 15 days

- First shipping window: Orders placed by July 11 ship between July 1–11

- All items ship directly from Bonfire

- Order early to wear your gear for Walk For Love in August!

👕 Apparel – T-Shirts, Sweatshirts & Hoodies

🛒 Order here: https://www.bonfire.com/walk-for-love-2025-1

💲 Price: $23–$42

📏 Sizes: Youth to 3XL

Over 20 different colors

📝 Notebook

🛒 Order here: https://bonfire.com/walk-for-love-2025-notebook-1

💲 Price: $22.99

Great for journaling, writing affirmations, or gift-giving.

☕ Mug

🛒 Order here: https://bonfire.com/walk-for-love-2025-mug

💲 Price: $19.99

Sip your morning coffee with a message of love and remembrance.

🚶‍♀️ Travel Mug

🛒 Order here: https://bonfire.com/walk-for-love-2025-travel-mug-1

💲 Price: $24.99

Keep your drinks hot or cold while walking for love.

💧 Water Bottle

🛒 Order here: https://bonfire.com/walk-for-love-2025-water-bottle-2

💲 Price: $29.99

Hydration meets heart — perfect for walkers everywhere.

📣 Additional Notes

At checkout, encourage shoppers to select your board member's name from the referral dropdown to help us track outreach.

Use and promote hashtags: #WFL2025 and #WRTWT

Perfect for walking during the event or repping all year long.

Mental Health Walkathon to provide encouragement and inspiration for the grieving struggling with depression and isolation.

During the Walkathon, we walk together, united in our mission to support mental health. From August 3 - 9, 2025 we encourage you to walk one mile daily. Share your journey by posting a picture on your favorite social media platform with #WRTWT #WALKFORLOVE, and let’s inspire others to join us.

Funds from the Walkathon will allow Widowhood Real Talk With Tina to conduct an Annual Grief Garden and a Butterfly release ceremony and provide participants journals & pens.

Three ways to participate

Purchase merchandise ~ In Development

Donate: https://app.99pledges.com/fund/walkforlov

Make your pledge, 1-mile daily day August 4 – 10, and post #WRTWT #WALKFORLOVE: https://app.99pledges.com/fund/walkforlov

To Start your pledge team, email widowhoodrealtalk@gmail.com for details.

Register on Eventbrite: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1223004923649?aff=oddtdtcreator