Experiencing the profound journey of living with grief, especially after the loss of a spouse, can feel incredibly isolating and overwhelming. In this episode, Tina Fornwald welcomes Carol Banens, author of Kintsugi Your Heart and certified grief educator, to share her personal experience and expert insights. Carol unravels common myths surrounding grief, discusses the physical and emotional impacts of loss, and provides ten essential self-care practices to aid in the healing process. You’ll hear candid conversations about the lethargy of grief, the challenges of returning to daily life, and the power of community support, particularly through Carol’s monthly Grief Cafe. Learn about active mourning, the importance of self-compassion, and how to navigate the unique timeline of grief to find hope and healing. Whether you’re a widow or supporting someone through loss, this conversation offers valuable guidance and a reminder that you’re not alone on this journey. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here The Art Of Living With Grief With Carol Banens Hello, Widowhood. Our guest, Carol, is going to come and share with us from her lived experience, and also from the book of her poems that were inspired by her grief, The Art of Living With Grief. She is going to unmask some of the myths that we hear about grief and give you the truth, and also talk about self-care and ten essential practices that will help you on this grief journey. Let’s get into this conversation now.     Hello, Carol. Welcome to the Widowhood. Thank you, Tina. I’m so glad to be here. “So glad to be in the Widowhood,” is that your first instinct, or if I were to see the ticker tape across your forehead like, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” what’s the background thought of that? Navigating Grief’s Reality: Carol Banens’ Personal Story & Lethargy I am so glad to be here, and the reason is that I’m a widow, and I know how hard it is. I think I have something to add to help people manage it and cope with it because it is such a hard journey. I’m glad to be here seven years out from the death of my husband, so that I can guide people and we can have a conversation about hope and what is available in widowhood. Those are very powerful words because a lot of times, people are thinking, “I need to make purpose out of my pain,” or “I need to do something with this.” What is your husband’s name? Brian. When Brian passed, what was that journey like in your pain? What was the pivotal point where something started coming out of that? It took longer than I thought. I didn’t think of pain or any purpose initially. I’m sure most people are like that. You’re thinking, “What now? How do I go on? How do I take a step forward?” For me, at the time, I was dealing with a sick mother in the UK, flying there, a friend with Alzheimer’s, Brian had been very sick and in and out of hospitals and the hospice, and I was working a full-time job, treating people in chronic pain. I was pulled in a million different directions. After he died, I had never felt so tired. The lethargy of grief hit me, and I thought, “I’m just tired. It’s just busy,” but I didn’t understand about grief. I didn’t know this whole body experience was about to hit me. I couldn’t read, couldn’t make decisions, couldn’t focus, any of that, and yet I went back to work three days after his funeral, thinking, “I can’t leave my patients, need to get back.” I was exhausted. Pain and purpose didn’t even come into it at that point at all. I was very flat. I was exhausted. Nothing was joyous. I have wonderful friends, beautiful people around me. I’d go out and think, “I’ve got to get home.” I can’t even tolerate the social interactions. I would say it took about three and a half to four years, which surprised the heck out of me, for me to feel a bit more like myself. Thank you for sharing that. I want to circle back to the exhaustion, not realizing that it was a package deal, the overstimulation of people, how that can be relentless, the secret, sacred safe space of being home, and detaching from all of that. What comes to mind as you hear me make those statements? I wish I had known about grief and had some idea of what to expect so that I knew there was something called the lethargy of grief to start with, to understand that that’s our body processing what’s going on and all the physiological things that are going on inside us that make us forgetful and tired. I felt like I had lead inside me. I’d look at the coffee table and think, “I should tidy those papers.” I couldn’t even do that. I didn’t want to cut the lawn, but going out, I think it takes energy, and it’s this processing of our loss that takes so much from us that we can’t hear. We can’t focus. It’s just too stimulating in a time when what we need is quiet. That can even be difficult, just sitting quietly with those difficult emotions. For me, in the end, probably the most healing thing is when I step back and give myself time. It took me a while to get there, though. Three days after Brian’s funeral, going back to work, what do you think of that now? How crazy was that? Why didn’t somebody say something to me? Why didn’t