Grief Transformation: Actively Healing From Unresolved Grief With Ghulam Fernandes

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Ghulam Fernandes | Unresolved Grief

  Oftentimes, people are stuck in grief and don’t know how to get out of it. And that sucks because most of the time, the other parts of our lives are perfectly fine but we aren’t present enough to enjoy them. Healing from unresolved grief is an active process, not a passive one, as today’s guest explains. Ghulam Fernandes is a grief transformation coach who specializes in unresolved grief. Ghulam has had multiple bereavements, something that she draws upon a lot when working with her clients. Ghulam believes that you can and should take active steps to heal yourself from grief and live your life fuller. She shares some of the resources that will help you do just that. Tune in to learn more about her transformative work and how it can make all the difference in your grief and rebirth journey! — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Grief Transformation: Actively Healing From Unresolved Grief With Ghulam Fernandes Our guest is Mrs. Ghulam Fernandes. She is a grief transformation coach. She has had multiple bereavements growing up. Without the right knowledge, tools, and processes was stuck for years in pain and therapy. She is now passionate and training others in how to deal with unresolved grief, so they can move forward and get their life back. She had extensive personal experience with grief and training for over two years with the Grief Recovery Institute and also with Edu-Therapy UK in January 2022. She started her handling grief practice and has been working with individuals who are stuck in the pain of their grief to teach them the knowledge, tools, and processes that they can use to identify the process of all past, present, and future grief. She loves seeing lives transformed. Let’s get into this conversation now.     Ghulam, thank you for joining me. It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much for the invitation. I’m so excited to be able to be here and for us to have a conversation that can be a light to people who may be struggling in the dark. Same here. What would you like to share about yourself initially? I just became a grandmother, which has revolutionized my life. Are you a good grandmother or are you one of those grandmothers that maybe get away with everything?  It’s still early days. I’m trying to be a good grandmother because I know that without a lot of love, but also clear boundaries, children can grow up a bit wild. That doesn’t serve anybody. She makes me laugh so much. We live in a world that is full of challenges at the moment. Everywhere you look, there’s bad and sad news or even sadder and worse news. I’ve created a little file of my granddaughter, and all the different pictures and videos that my son sends me. Now and then, I think, “I need some granddaughter time.” I go in there and I’ll just laugh and smile until I feel restored, and then I’m back to being able to cope with the reality of the world that we live in. We all need something that brightens our hearts and brings a smile to our faces. She’s my first granddaughter, so that’s made it special. She has your heart in a different way. My youngest sister’s daughter and her husband who is in the Navy, your reaction is the same reaction I see from my sister when she talks about her grandson and how it bubbles her up inside. It’s that newness of life, the freshness, and the innocence of it all. It’s all so good and pure before they’ve been bombarded with things in life. It’s that purity of expressing themselves by saying, “If she’s not happy, you’ll know about it. If she’s smiling, you’ll know about it.” We get into, “Should I say this? Shouldn’t I say this? What will people think?” Monitoring and censoring ourselves and not being ourselves is not helpful to anybody. She’s extra special. We’ll talk about that in a little while. In my brief journey where I had multiple losses growing up, one of the things that happened was I had three miscarriages, and we don’t know about the first because the baby never really started forming. The second two were little girls. I had two sons and my husband. I always felt outnumbered. I was very excited when I thought I was going to have a little girl. After the miscarriage, that didn’t happen. It felt really special now that we have got a little girl in the family. Thank you for sharing that part because what we don’t know oftentimes is the backstory of a situation. Having this authentic, real talk brings some of those things to light that we generally may not be able to have a conversation with someone. I know that sometimes people’s friends will listen to a podcast and find out something about their friend that they didn’t know because the conversation didn’t come up or there wasn’t a safe space to have it. I appreciate you sharing that. Unfortunately, I also have experienced having a miscarriage. The first trimester was right around my late husband’s birthday, and that was my first introduction to grief. As you and I know, grief is surrounded by a lot of different things. Oftentimes when people hear grief, they dive towards someone who has lost a loved one, which is absolutely grief, but it does expand further than that, which is what complicates life because we don’t realize by the time we’re dealing with the death of a loved one, it’s compounding from 6 or 7 other different things that we handle. This was the one that may have broken us or put us in a place where we can never pay attention to everything else because it’s not only the death of that loved one, but it’s a compounding of other grief experiences that we’ve had. Now, everything crumbles …

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