Healing Archives - Widowhood Real Talk with Dr. Tina

When Grief Never Fully Leaves: Eileen Bellew On Widowhood, Trauma & Healing

Podcast / July 2, 2026

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Eileen Bellew | Grief

What happens when the ‘before’ and ‘after’ of your life is separated by a single, catastrophic moment? Today, we sit down with Eileen Bellew, author of After John Jumped, to talk about the raw, unfiltered reality of losing a spouse in the line of duty. Eileen opens up about the sudden transition from FDNY wife to widow, the struggle of raising four children while navigating her own PTSD, and the difficult, necessary journey of healing when grief feels like a permanent resident. We discuss: The ‘Scarlet Letter’ of Widowhood: How social dynamics and support systems shift instantly after a tragedy. Defining Trauma, Not Just Loss: Why Eileen had to face the specific, painful details of her husband’s death to move forward. Finding Humor in the Hardest Places: How laughter and hope can exist alongside deep, lingering grief. Parenting Through Tragedy: How to hold space for children’s trauma when you are trying to survive your own. Eileen’s journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Whether you are walking this path yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation is a reminder that you don’t have to carry it alone. Tune in to hear why—even twenty years later—there is value in the struggle, and why healing is never about ‘moving on,’ but moving forward. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here When Grief Never Fully Leaves: Eileen Bellew On Widowhood, Trauma & Healing Widowhood Real Talk with Dr. Tina is more than a show. We are an entire 501(c)(3) non-profit. One of our favorite programs is Children of Widowhood Secret Santa. This allows us to help children who have lost one or both of their parents. That process is done by the remaining parent or guardian applying on their behalf. Go to our website, Widowhood-RealTalkWithTina.org, select Events in the drop-down menu, and then select Children Widowhood Secret Santa. Apply between June 1st and June 30th, 2026. This allows us to help and sponsor you. If you are an individual, organization, book club, or group that would like to sponsor a child or entire family, please email me at WidowhoodRealTalk@gmail.com. This is our opportunity to take this show on an individual basis to people who need to know we are here, and you are not on this journey alone. ‐‐‐ What happens when your husband has to jump four floors to save his own life, only to die? To think after twenty years, you would say what grief has taught you, what you have learned, and how you have grown. What would you tell yourself the day after John jumped? That’s the conversation we’re going to have with Eileen. Let’s get into this conversation. Eileen, welcome to the Widowhood. Thank you for having me. “Thank you for having me to the Widowhood,” the ticker tape in the back of your mind. What does it say? We know this is a club no one wants to be in, so what’s the real thought of, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” when you hear that? Defining The “Widowhood Club” And Societal Stigma You’re right. It’s not anything that I ever thought I would be in. Sometimes, I think to myself that I’m not. I don’t know. I sometimes think that I’m not part of that club, but I guess I am. It’s always in the back of my mind that I don’t want to be part of this club. I know. When you think of a widow, do you think your own face represents that? When society speaks of widows, what do you think they’re thinking of? It’s like that Scarlet Letter feeling. Especially in the firehouse, because my husband died in the line of duty, you went from the wife to a widow. The whole dynamic changes. They walk on eggshells around you. They don’t want to upset you. When you went into the firehouse a week earlier, you were joking and razzing with them. You walk in a week later, and even twenty years later, I don’t know what to say that there is a greater respect, but put on a different pedestal. With that, you lose that friendship and the funness of it. You’re the widow. Would you want the funness? Do you think that they need to know? If someone from the firehouse were reading this conversation, what would you want them to know from your perspective? My perspective is that when I lost John, I lost a whole other family, the firehouse family. John was an FDNY. FDNY stands for? The Loss Of The Firehouse Family Dynamic The Fire Department of New York. You live with everybody for 24 hours. You have 24-hour shifts. They know everything about each other, and they know everything about each other’s families because you are with them for so long. He would come home, and I would know who was pregnant or who was getting married. In one instant, I lost all of those families. I lost all of the knowledge about everything that was going on in that firehouse. When you come into the firehouse, they’re not discussing those things with you. They’re like, “How are you doing? How are the kids?” With the voice change. With the head tilt. I appreciate that. One of the things John was on was the firehouse softball team. I was a pretty good athlete in my younger days. They used to say, “Do you want her to get up for you?” They used to razz him. That’s all gone. It’s almost as if you wouldn’t dare speak poorly of John, but I still make fun of

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The Five Widows Club: Stories Of Love, Loss, And Living Again

Podcast / December 4, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | The Five Widows Club

Grief changes everything, but storytelling can help us find our way back to ourselves. Dr. Tina Fornwald opens her heart to share the journey behind The Five Widows Club, her upcoming book that explores love, loss, and the raw reality of grief. Drawing from her own story of widowhood and the collective experiences of five women—Monique, Carmen, Ava, Trish, and Joyce—Tina reveals how storytelling helps us see ourselves in others’ pain and find light in the darkness. Through these women’s intertwined paths, she reflects on what it means to grieve honestly, love deeply, and continue living with hope. More than a book, The Five Widows Club is a testament to community, compassion, and the power of sharing our stories so no one has to heal alone. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here The Five Widows Club: Stories Of Love, Loss, And Living Again Voices Of Widowhood: Healing Through The Holiday Unveiling The Five Widows Club: A Deep Dive Into Grief and Healing Last week, you heard that I wrote a book, and I know you want more details and a little bit of information that I shared last week. This conversation is the deep dive into The Five Widows Club. You are going to enjoy this conversation. If you have more questions that I didn’t answer, please email me so I can give you the rest of the tea. Let’s get into this conversation now. — Widowhood, I promised you monologue conversations, and here’s one that I owe you. Last week, in my conversation with Romana, she mentioned that I have written a book. Our conversation is to give you some more details on the book, my how, my why, and yada yada. I have notes here, so pretending like these are you asking me questions, but some of these came from conversations that I had with the advanced readers. Number one, what inspired me to write The Five Widows Club? I lost my husband. My husband Mark died on March 11, 2017, and my world was altered forever. I was in the military for 21 years. I have survived breast cancer. Oftentimes, when I hear books speaking to these different topics, it’s very clinical, or it’s so high in the sky. Everybody’s happy, and no one’s living the real reality. I felt like that type of story needed to be shared with the Widowhood. There are resources. There are clinical books, but a story. A story that you can relate to, a story that you could share with family and friends, that they could read, that book in some way, understand how you are experiencing and what you are going through. I am pretty certain that when you read The Five Widows Club, you will see yourself in these whittles and you will say, “I am seen. My story is validated, and what I’m going through is real.” Meet the Widows: Monique, Carmen, Ava, Trish, and Joyce’s Journeys This is not a happy-go-lucky, everyone-ends-up-like-life-is-ending for so many of us. It is continuing. It is still going on. These stories are real. They are gritty. They are raw. They are happy. They are crying. They are everything that we experience in this widowhood journey. Who are the women in this story, and how did they shape their journey? I’m going to go over what I have here, which is a summary of the book, and then give you some information on each of the widows. When the unthinkable happens and their worlds fall apart, five women from very different walks of life find themselves in the same grief support group, united not by choice, but by loss. What begins as an awkward circle of strangers slowly transforms into a sacred space of honesty, healing, and unexpected sisterhood. Meet Monique, Carmen, Ava, Trish, and Joyce, five widows, navigating a jagged terrain of grief. Each woman carries a story, a secret, a weight she never expected to bear. Through shared silence, passes of stones, and reluctant cups of tea, they confront love, loss, and the truth that healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. Raw, poetic, anchoring real life. The Five Widows Club doesn’t sanitize grief. It holds space forward for the forgotten voices, for the private aches, and for the moment you whisper, “I’m still here.” Monique, the perfectionist who found how to breathe. A boutique owner, a checklist queen, always in control until the morning she found Darnell’s body. She didn’t cry at the funeral. She made sure the jazz band played his favorite and smiled through the condolences like a hostess. Behind closed doors, she crumbled in her stilettos on the living room floor. Monique’s journey from performance to presence, from pretending to participation, she’s learning that being strong doesn’t mean being silent. “I burned the dinner again, but I still ate it, and I laughed because he would have teased me.” Allow me to read something. The fact that this is my first printed copy. As you can see, there are a lot of tabs. There’s a lot of editing that I’m making right now. I’m recording this. My goal is to finish going through all of the edits and then clean it up on my soft copy. I have an editor to whom I’m sending it. We have a timeline. From there, I’m going to move forward to publishing. The goal is to have the book in print and available for our event, Hope Grows Here, on May 16th, 2026, here in Norfolk, Virginia. Hope Grows Here is a 60s theme event because, yes, we are celebrating my 60th birthday.

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Rivers In The Desert: Healing Hearts And Broken Places With Katherine E. ST.

Podcast / October 16, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Katherine E. ST. | Rivers In The Desert

Grief touches every life, but in the midst of loss there are often unexpected glimmers of hope–rivers in the desert. In this heartfelt conversation, author Katherine E. ST. joins Tina Fornwald to share the journey behind her book Rivers in the Desert: Glimmers of Hope in Impossible Times. Together, they explore the many faces of grief — from the loss of loved ones to broken relationships, health challenges, and financial struggles — and the ways faith, forgiveness, and community can bring light into the darkest seasons. With deeply personal stories, poetry, and even the healing power of music, Katherine invites listeners to see that even in life’s deserts, rivers of hope still flow. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Rivers In The Desert: Healing Hearts And Broken Places With Katherine E. ST. Hello, Widowhood. Our guest is younger than normal, but wisdom is large. We’re going to talk about something being too much and being a lot. The revelation was profound. In the conversation about how to support the grieving, she asked some good questions. This conversation about Katherine’s book, Rivers in the Desert: Glimmers of Hope in Impossible Times, is something that’s going to benefit you, encourage you in your moment of desert, and bring the glimmer of hope that is the spark and the start to know that life will have meaning. Let’s get into this conversation. Welcome To Widowhood: Beyond The Obvious Grief Hello, Katherine. Welcome to the Widowhood. Hello. Thank you for having me. When you hear, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” what are you thinking? Initially, I think, “I’m not a widow. I don’t know what that is.” Not that I don’t know what it is, but I haven’t had that experience in life. You always explain to me that it’s beyond being a widow. It’s that everybody experiences grief. People can relate to that feeling. When I hear that, I hear welcome to the community that you’re building and encouraging those who have gone through situations of grief. Thank you. Rivers In The Desert: A Young Author’s Journey Through Impossible Times You’re welcome. You nailed it. It is a conversation of grief and loss. With my husband’s time in this world ending, I haven’t felt like he’s lost. That is a profound level of grief, but in that we experienced a lot of pain. There are similarities in that process as far as how we manage pain. We’re going to talk about the obvious. You wrote a book, Rivers in the Desert: Glimmers of Hope in Impossible Times. Tell us. What are we talking about, impossible times at 28? I need the community to understand. “I’m going to listen to the 28-year-old in the book. What hard times does she have?” Break it down. There are so many different things and aspects. I know we’ll get into some of them inside the book. I may not have experienced what some people would call obvious grief, but there have been so many different situations and times in my life where I have felt lost and my world falling apart. There are family relationships and situations not working out, where you would think that they would be working out, friendship relationships breaking, or even my relationship with myself in believing who I am, and then finding out, “No, that’s not who you are. This is not what you’re supposed to be doing. You’re not as good as what you thought you were.” There are all kinds of realizations smacking you left and right. Impossible times came when it was all of those different aspects happening at one time. It is feeling, “What is my life right now? I want to be doing what I should be doing, but I’m in this place. This person is leaving me. I thought this person would stand by me.” It’s one thing to grieve when somebody has left the world. It’s another thing feeling left when they are still here. The painful part of it is that we are here. We could be doing well together, but there are things in the way. Now I feel alone and even feel at times that God has left. It is all kinds of grief, turmoil, and frustrations that I was dealing with, growing pains, I guess you could say at some points, and just humanity in life. Thank you. That was a very good overview. I’m going to warn you or prepare you. I let you give a topical overview. It’s called real talk. We want some real situations, some real tea. You don’t have to use the person’s name. The people leaving you, I want more of that situation. I want to hear about what that loneliness is. When you write a book talking about glimmers of hope, that hope is further illuminated when the reader understands what your impossible times were, because now they can grasp that. Another level of transparency is going to be required. I’m preparing you now. You can change the names to protect the innocence, but the description, so you can start thinking about what that’s going to look like. That’s hard. It is, but that’s why I’m preparing you. The dedication is, “For every soul that has ever found themselves in an impossible season.” What came to mind for you when you thought about impossible seasons and your readers who would take this book in those very difficult moments? It is friendships that I thought would last forever, and did not. I see a mother or father who has suffered a miscarriage. I see someone who was

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From Loss To Self-Discovery: A Widow’s 16-Year Path To Wellbeing With Laura Cross

Podcast / March 20, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Laura Cross | Wellbeing

Embark on a 16-year journey of healing and transformation with Laura Cross, a remarkable woman who has navigated the complexities of widowhood and emerged stronger than ever. In this episode, Laura shares her deeply personal story of loss, resilience, and self-discovery, offering a unique perspective on the long-term impact of grief and the ongoing process of healing. She discusses the challenges and triumphs she has experienced along the way, the importance of self-care, and the transformative power of community and connection. Tune in to discover how Laura’s journey can inspire hope and empower other widows to embrace their own paths toward well-being. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here From Loss To Self-Discovery: A Widow’s 16-Year Path To Wellbeing With Laura Cross Our guest is Laura Cross, an Air Force veteran and dynamic owner of White Sands Premier Travel with an unwavering dedication to promotional self-care and personal growth. She Founded White Sand Self-Care and serves as the dedicated host of the popular TV show. Mindful Mondays with Laura Cross. Laura’s dedication lies in creating a vibrant self-care community that offers invaluable education, resources, connections, and opportunities for collaboration. At the helm of the White Sand Self-Care community group on Facebook, she empowers individuals to lead their best lives. Let’s get into this conversation. Laura, welcome to the show. Thank you. Life’s Too Short: Redefining Priorities After Loss People say thank you, but what do you think when you hear welcome to the widowhood? I appreciate the opportunity of being able to be here and share my story or my experience and stuff with people. What of your experience made this seem like a good match for you when you heard about this conversation Widowhood Real Talk with Tina? Unfortunately, there are a lot of us who go through it and experience it, and it’s not always an easy challenge. Everybody thinks that you get a lot of those people that think that, “You should snap out of it or get over it,” or other people think you know that you take too long. It’s a conversation that we don’t normally talk about. It’s something we keep to ourselves, but it’s something that we should talk about because I am sure there are others out there who are struggling and trying to get on with their life or however you want to put it, reinvent your life. Start over for me. I felt like I was almost starting all over. That is very true and I like that there are different terms. People get hung up on “It’s not moving on, it’s moving forward. It’s not getting on with my life and continuing living.” Just as this grief journey is unique. The way we articulate it for ourselves is a unique experience. I have one widow, Andrea. She says Grief is similar and grief is different, and I believe that’s so true. Every time I have a conversation with someone, their spouse may have transitioned from this world, they may say transition, died, passed away. At the end of the road, they are no longer here and you are trying to continue to live. I feel like sometimes people get too wrapped up in argumentative about a word that means the same thing and we are trying to get to the same place. I love that you had different versions of that. Would you share your late husband’s name with us? It was Randy Cross and it all comes down to your beliefs, your background, cultures. I have found being more open-minded and listening to other people’s perspectives, sometimes you think about it. It gives you another way to look at things than the way I may have looked at it originally. I agree with you. My perspective of life changed so much when my husband passed. Life is short. We say this statement, but when someone close to you passes, the fragileness of life becomes very real. You realize how much you believe and how much you don’t know what happens, but what I have come to terms with how I show up now, the spaces I’m given with people are important, and if I don’t take what and do well with that, what am I doing with the life I have been given? It took me a lot of years, but I was the same as you with the whole process. That’s my whole thing is life’s too short to be doing this. One of those things was like when I was working for someone and because of what I have gotten paid, I realized I didn’t have to go work and answer to somebody, but I used to be that person who would always be there no matter what snowstorm. They were the ones that I could count on. After he died, it was like, “No. I’m not risking my life to go if 10 million other people don’t show up. I’m not showing up.” You start putting value on different things and realizing that what you’ve been doing, although it may be admirable, it’s not always necessary. There are other things that are more important. You bring up a good point. The perspective of work, what we value, what we spend our time with. You said it took you some time to get there. When did your husband transition from this world and what was your journey like getting to the place of understanding that for you? That would be December 21st, 2004. Approximately 10:00 PM at night. We were laughing at lunch. He was

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All Grief Is The Same And All Grief Is Different: A Double Widow’s Story With Andrea Lott Haney

Podcast / March 6, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Andrea Lott Haney | Double Widow

Grief is a universal experience, yet every journey through loss is unique. In this episode, Andrea Lott Haney shares her extraordinary story of navigating the complexities of double widowhood. Andrea opens up about the profound grief and emotional challenges of losing two spouses, offering a unique perspective on the similarities and differences in grieving multiple losses. She discusses the importance of self-care, community support, and faith in her healing journey, and provides inspiration for others facing adversity. Tune in to hear Andrea’s courageous story and discover how to find hope and meaning in the face of life’s greatest challenges. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here All Grief Is The Same And All Grief Is Different: A Double Widow’s Story With Andrea Lott Haney Finding Community & Support After Loss: The Widowhood Club Andrea, welcome to the Widowhood. Thanks for having me, Tina. I’m very honored to be here. What do you think when you hear, “Welcome to the Widowhood?” What was the first thing that came to your mind if the ticker tape would have just printed on your forehead? I say a lot whenever I meet somebody newly widowed that it is the worst club to belong to and we have the best members. We support each other like no other club, the Widowhood Club, in both the specific sense of your group and then also the general sense of just being widows and how, once you’ve been through it, you know things that the general public does not know and you have been places the general public has not been. There’s a solidarity there. You nailed that. For people who are reading and just to make them jealous, when you say my group, what does that look like to you? What did that look like to you before you became part of that group? TikTok: A Digital Oasis For Young Widows I met you on TikTok, but I was not on TikTok prior to Brian’s passing. I specifically got on TikTok because other social media platforms were too emotionally loaded for me. Being widowed twice, my first husband, Gary, who passed in 2010, his passing predated my first iPhone. I did not have a huge social media presence in those days. I was on MySpace and I had just gotten on to Facebook for work, but I didn’t have a ton of digital memories and so forth of him. When I got together with Brian, I really wanted to change that. I made it a point to document digitally and on social media all these seemingly unimportant moments of our lives because they were important to me. After he passed, I’m so glad that I did that because I know that those memories are so precious, but in the immediate aftermath, I did not want to see them. It was more than just turning off the memory feature on the platform. It would be like my friend would change her profile picture and it would say, “Brian Haney liked this photo or something.” It would come up non-consensually. These other social media platforms were just so emotionally loaded for me. I went to TikTok because it was a fresh slate for me. That’s where I met you and where I met a lot of the other ladies and men who are part of supporting each other through your organization, Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, and how you use your platform to not only engage with us and to help us when we express our feelings, but also you go live, you include us in your videos. We’ve created this network in the way of a lot of us know each other now. Some of us have even met outside of social media or exchanged phone numbers and talked offline, and we’ve become our own little support group in a way. That is so huge. Thank you for explaining that. I must admit, before I got on TikTok, I thought everybody was gyrating or somebody was dancing, and that’s all I was going to see. There are subcultures for any topic that you’re interested in. If you’re an author, there’s author TikTok. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, there’s stay-at-home TikTok. There’s actress TikTok. The ability to create a network. The thing you mentioned about going live, that ability, if you’re not ready to talk to people and sit on the outside, watch these conversations, and then decide, “I’m going to say something or I’m going to get engaged,” they did this right. I’m not a tech person by any means, but I’ve heard it explained that it’s an interest-based algorithm as opposed to a follower-based algorithm. They’re better at knowing what you want to see. If I’m on grief tok or if I’m on widow tok, it connects me to other people like that. The very first video that I made on TikTok was basically introducing myself as somebody who had been widowed twice at a young age and saying, “I knew nobody in my real life.” Over the years of being widowed, I had met hundreds of young widows at that point and I knew nobody who was double a widow. Now I know people who are my age and double widowed. What does that mean for you in your grief journey to know that and to know them? The Power Of Community In Grief In my grief journey the second time, I have done a lot of throwing my fists in the air and saying, “This is so unfair. How could this possibly be happening to me

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When Hope Feels Lost: The Power To Transform After Widowhood With Debbie Weiss

Podcast / February 6, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Debbie Weiss | Widowhood

After the unexpected loss of her husband, widowhood became a turning point that sparked a new chapter in Debbie Weiss‘ life. Debbie joins us to share how widowhood unexpectedly launched her on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Debbie opens up about navigating grief, redefining her identity, and finding the strength to embrace new possibilities after loss. From redecorating her bedroom to writing the books On Second Thought… Maybe I Can and The Sprinkle Effect: A Guide to Creating a More Colorful and Fulfilling Life, Debbie’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of saying ‘yes’ to life, even when it takes you in unexpected directions. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here When Hope Feels Lost: The Power To Transform After Widowhood With Debbie Weiss Debbie, welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Tina. I’m so happy to be here. I’m glad to have you here and I cannot not say something about these glasses that you have on. They’re just so jazzy. Tell us about those. Thank you. They are my favorite thing. I discovered them a few years ago. They’re called Pair Eyewear and you buy the frames from them online. I have progressives, so it’s not like you can’t have a prescription. I have a prescription and then they sell you all different toppers or different designs that just snap onto the glasses. It’s like an accessory. A different accessory that I get to pick out every day just like when you pick out your jewelry or whatever else. I’m like, “What glasses am I going to wear?” How many toppers do you have? Maybe 50. It’s just like nail polish and everything else we change. You get to have something that goes with your outfit. I like that. Thank you. As a matter of fact, I was thinking, “I haven’t bought myself anything new in a while. I must be due.” Time for some toppers. That’s it. Finding Your Restorative Place For Peace And Rejuvenation There are different shades of purple, the designs and everything else. It sounds like it’s quite an array. Thank you for sharing that with us. That is your favorite thing. Where’s your favorite place to go in the world or if you had a favorite vacation you’d like the take. Where would it be? To any beach. I grew up near the beach. Not right on the beach but probably about 10 to 15-minute drive with no traffic from the beach. It’s just my happy place. That smell, looking at the water and the sand. It does it for me. It’s hard to be unhappy at a beach for me . Thank you. It’s important for everybody to find what their places because there’s something about when you’re at that place that you get refilled. You have a sense of peace there and it can be maybe your sunroom in your house. It can maybe be a walk with a pet but knowing what it is that fulfills you and revitalize you because one thing we’ll know about being in the widowhood, it can get draining. You need to find that place that you can restore yourself. Let me share something. As you say that, it reminded me of something and we’ll get into it. My husband was sick for a long time and I was a caregiver for a very long time. Money was an issue. Our house was brand new when we moved into it. It’s now 25 years old and nothing has been updated, time and life and all of that. In my bedroom, my husband had fallen and pretty much broken his nose. There was blood all over the carpet that wasn’t cleaned. Let’s just say that I would go into my bedroom and I hated it there. My cousin one day said to me, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. Some way or another, we have to make this a safe place. We have to make this your haven. Somewhere that you can walk into to escape everything that’s going on outside of these walls and just feel at peace and happy in that space.” I had never given consideration to and it doesn’t have to be. In my case, I did wind up redoing my whole bedroom and it’s amazing now, but it doesn’t even have to be like that. I just noticed if you move your furniture around or clean up a corner that you never had. I never had paid attention to how much our physical space affects our mental outlook. Thank you for sharing that. Since you’ve mentioned your husband, what is his name? If you would, please. His name was Gary. Thank you for mentioning that. I’m going to flow with the conversation, versus the way I was going to approach it. In you mentioning about how you change your bedroom, my son, who went into the military in October. In November, my husband relocated to Virginia because he was trying to find a job there. That was in 2016 and in March 2017, Mark passed. May of 2017, my daughter left to go into the military. A 2,600 square foot house and 1.75 acres, the children grew up there. It was the bustling hustling situation. We were looking forward to them getting out of the house and being empty nesters and life took a dramatic turn for me. I was left in the house with everything just the way it was. I would come home from work and sit in the

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Evaluating The Realities Of Widowhood With Joi Brooks

Podcast / December 19, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Joi Brooks | Widowhood

Before embarking on a new chapter in life, many face the profound and often isolating experience of widowhood. In this poignant episode, Joi Brooks shares her deeply personal journey through widowhood, reflecting on her life after the loss of her husband, Harry. With humor and heart, she navigates the complexities of adjusting to a new routine while cherishing the memory of Harry and the little things that remind her of him, like his t-shirts and quirks around the house. Joi talks about the challenges of balancing work, retirement, and the grief of losing a partner. This episode offers a moving look at resilience, loneliness, and the quiet joys of continuing to honor a lost love. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Evaluating The Realities Of Widowhood With Joi Brooks Joi, welcome back. How are you? It’s winter. Winter is starting to kick in here in Virginia, but what does it look like? It’s a heated blanket. It keeps me warm. I’m in my office and it tends to get a little chilly because I’m just sitting here. Are you in New York? I’m in New York. What’s the temperature like now for you? The temperature is 36 degrees. We are doing this on a Thursday night and this is my actual last conversation for 2024. Whereby, it’s only going to get colder. Yes. It is a bit nippy in Virginia, but it was that cold and I was told the coming week is supposed to be in the 60. Good for you. We’ll get like 40s but it was very windy. It was 36 degrees and it was very windy. I was out with the dogs walking and I thought, “I can’t wait to get home.” I can hear the wind outside now. How many dogs do you have? Three. That’s what happens when you become a widow and you don’t have a social community around you. You build a social community and since you can’t create people, you buy dogs. Did you have the dog before or since your husband passed? I’ve always had dogs. They were always my sanity. They were always there for me when I needed to escape humanity. Sometimes, humanity is like, “Oh my goodness,” but humans need social community. We do. After high school, you just can’t find friends the way you used to. It’s not the same thing. High school is like a store for friends. From me, high school was not the best. I flourished after high school. It was not the cozy situation. High school was not it for me. It was after high school where life became more interesting but if that was interesting part going forward would be more challenging so I could see how that could change. For people that may have not caught our conversation before, would you mind sharing your late husband’s name with us? It was Harold Brooks. I only called him Harold when I was pissed off. It was Harry. All his family referred to him as Harold, so maybe they were always pissed off. I don’t know. When I would call him Harry, they’d do one of these head cock things like, “Oh, Harold.” He refers to himself as Harry. The three dogs you have now. Did you have those with Harry or did you get them since he died? I had two of the dogs and one of them was getting old when Harry was going through cancer. He would always complain, “She’s snoring.” “She’s this.” “She’s that.” She still alive three years later. It’s funny how things end up. She’s not snoring anymore, though. I thought about that the other day, when did that stop? The Experience As A Widow In 2024 Three years being a widow. What does 2024 look like for you? It was a year I retired and I sort of retired in 2023 three but I retired from full-time work and I kept all of my part-time gigs. In July of 2024, three of my part-time gigs ended. Back up a little bit. What was full-time work for you? All of my work is email marketing related. I had a full-time client. That was in 2023 when that contract ended. That was a long-term full-time contract. I kept my part-time gigs. As I said, 3 or 4 part-time gigs and then all of them slowly started to end. With part-time gigs where you’re working on particular projects, you expect at some point in time, you’re going to solve the project. You’re going to succeed and it’s going to be over. I always knew that, but they extended. I had one client that was like five years. As they ended, I thought to myself, “Let them end and see what happens. Stop. You don’t have to do this. You need to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. You need to slow down a little bit. You’re not proving anything to anybody. You do need to think about your next chapter.” I don’t know what the next chapter is. I’m forcing myself into that and if monetarily it’s a problem, then you know that. If it’s I don’t have enough to do problem, then you know that but figure out what the next few years of your life will look like. You are riding out an old routine that may have run its gamut and I wasn’t sure. As they ended, I was like, “Someone’s telling me to end these. Let them in. Don’t get hysterical.” I’m carrying one client and thinking

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Forever My Brother: A Journey Through Grief And Light With Nina Rodriguez

Podcast / December 5, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Nina Rodriguez | Grief

Grief is a universal experience, yet it manifests uniquely for each individual. In this episode, Nina Rodriguez delves into sibling grief and the often-unseen struggles of those who have lost a brother or sister. Nina discusses the challenges of navigating grief within a family dynamic, where parents may be consumed by their sorrow, and the importance of extending grace to one another. She highlights the unspoken truths of masking grief at work and in families, stressing the importance of open communication and acknowledging loss. Join us for an honest and heartfelt conversation about coping with grief, honoring the memory of loved ones, and finding healing in the face of unimaginable loss. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Forever My Brother: A Journey Through Grief And Light With Nina Rodriguez Hello, Nina. Welcome. Hello, Tina, and thank you so much. It’s an absolute honor to be here. I love your work, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here and with your audience. Thank you for that. I’m like, “Are you trying to get me to start crying?” We just said hello. I joked around that I make people cry for a living, in the best way. I want to explain to my audience and people this part of this conversation with us. When we chose the name Widowhood Real Talk with TinaI that name was intentional because even though this organization was birthed out of the passing of my late husband he was my husband when we look at the “hood,” because I’m from Chicago, “hood” means family to me. Being the widow in my hood means that Mark was someone’s brother. Mark was someone’s uncle. Mark was my children’s father. He was someone’s friend. Every conversation that we have on widowhood is that conversation from who was impacted by the “hood.” Everybody is impacted differently. It could have been his health provider. It could have been his financial advisor or his lawyer. Even though the widow may be the person most visibly impacted, the person that she has lost had different relationships with other people outside of hers, and it’s always important to have a conversation from different perspectives of that person who is no longer here. Their life may be complete, but we are still going through the process of enduring our lives, living, and experiencing in their absence. The Symbolism Of A Butterfly I thank you for being open to having the conversation from your lived experience and in the things that you are doing in this journey, but I want to ask a couple of questions before we get into, maybe, the reason why we are going to talk. Tell me about the butterflies that are behind you, because I am just the blue one. Feel free to turn around. I want to go there. Tell me about those and how you came about them. I will tell you about them, but first, I want to acknowledge something you said that a loss has such a big ripple effect and profound effect on everybody who loved the person. Thank you for making space for these conversations. In my case, I didn’t lose. I’m not a widow yet, not anytime soon but I did lose my brother. He was my only sibling, and he was right behind me, right there. About the butterflies, those butterflies were a gift from my grandmother. She gave them to me when I was sixteen years old, and I have had them since. It’s not like I have a close tie to butterflies or anything like that, but I do to these because they are special. They’re something that she felt like she wanted to give me, and they remind me of her. That big one in particular I was moving, and I told my husband, “Be careful with that one,” and as soon as I said, “Be careful,” he dropped it. He was so mad, and I was like, “Of course you would.” In any case, I feel like it’s symbolic of life. Sometimes it’s a butterfly with a broken wing, and it’s still beautiful, and it still reminds me of my grandmother. I feel like it’s symbolic of her presence. They are beautiful, and I like having them around. I did not even notice that one was broken, and now that you said it but that the beauty did not become less and even paying I never saw that. We focus on Sometimes. Now that’s all I see because I’m looking now. Who is not functioning with some type of broken wing? I feel like that’s so symbolic of life, and that happened also after my brother’s passing. I said, “It feels real to what we are going through right now, very in line with what we are going through.” The Grief And Light Podcast Am I correct that you do a podcast also? Yes. I created and hosted the Grief and Light Podcast, similar to yours in that I like to give a voice to the griever’s experience. Initially, it started with me exploring my grief because, at the time so, he passed September 11, 2019, when I was looking for information, I didn’t find anything about sibling loss. Whatever little information I found was usually about somebody who passed at a very old age and somebody else losing their sibling. I said, “Where are the people who lost their siblings at my age? What are the resources?” At the time, there was nothing. I found one online grief group, and it was all over the

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A Mother’s Grief: Finding Strength And Healing After Loss With Cheryl Scruggs

Podcast / November 14, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Cheryl Scruggs | Grief

“It is what it is. I’m going to live here out loud.” Cheryl Scruggs joins Tina Fornwald for a raw and vulnerable conversation about navigating the turbulent waters of a mother’s grief. After experiencing a series of devastating losses, including the passing of her daughter, Stephanie, Cheryl opens up about her struggles with mental health, suicidal thoughts, and the complexities of grieving multiple losses at once. She shares her journey of healing, the importance of finding your community, and how her faith has guided her through the darkest of times. Cheryl also discusses her book, Surviving Grief, and her podcast of the same name, where she shares her story and offers support to others who are grieving. This episode is a powerful reminder that even in the face of immense pain, there is hope for healing and that by embracing vulnerability, we can find strength and connection with others. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here A Mother’s Grief: Finding Strength And Healing After Loss With Cheryl Scruggs Cheryl, welcome to the show. Tina, thanks for having me. When you hear Welcome to the widowhood, what really comes to your mind? Women who have lost their spouses. Thank you. You’re like, do I fit in? Is this a space for me? I appreciate the organic and transparency. For everybody, I am still getting over bronchitis. I have tea and I am trying not to sound like my fictitious character, which is Marge. This has been smoking six packs of cigarettes a day because when I start coughing badly, that is what it is. Sure enough, I’ve had this conversation planned and I’m committed. Be patient and be kind and don’t tear me apart in the ratings. Cheryl, you bring up a good point. Thank you for mentioning that. When we came up with a name for this organization, the term widowhood was to cover the entire community. I’m from Chicago. Hood means family to me. I am the widow of origin in this organization, but my children, my family, my friends, when one person passes, that relationship of every other person connected to it, somebody else, like when my husband passed, his parents would have been impacted from his passing, his siblings would have been impacted, his nieces and nephews. Even though it was the widow experience, me, but the entire hood was impacted. As we get into your conversation, hopefully, that idea of me explaining this is you’re in that hood from the perspective of the person that you have lost. In the same vein, I’m actually going to speak with the board members about considering changing the name or using the DBA because if I have to explain it, that’s too much. I want people to organically feel like they’re connected and know that they have a place here. Me explaining that to you hopefully gives a sense of how you do belong in this conversation but it’s like, when you’re already grieving, you ain’t got time for extra explanation. I need to have known already. We’re looking to change that, but it is intentional to support the hood. That is all of us that are grieving. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share that with you. Now that you hear the name of it, what do you think when I say welcome to the widowhood? When you said widow, even if you didn’t have the hood, that automatically takes me to somebody who has lost somebody who’s grieving. The hood just includes everybody that’s in the midst of the grief. There’s a widow, there’s a cousin, there’s a child, there’s a parent, there’s a cousin. The hood just ties it all in. The widow is grieving, but so are we collectively, we’re all grieving. Where are you located physically right now in the world? Right now I’m in Maryland. I just moved from Georgia about three months ago. I moved because I wasn’t doing too good mentally and physically. I went from a size 14 to a size 2. I think I’m grieving so many different things not only the loss of my child, but a relationship. I lost my job seven days before I lost her. It’s been a lot. I had no family down there. The guy who I was seeing, he was there. Anyway, I had no family there. It was just me and my grandkids. I was crashing. I was walking 20 miles a day, not eating just so I wouldn’t have anxiety and panic. It was a mess. Now I’m in Maryland and I’m healing and I’m at a size six now and I’ve gained some weight. The anxiety isn’t as bad. I still have my days, but it’s getting better. Thank you for sharing. I’d like to go back and dive into each one of those things that you mentioned a little bit more. I am sorry for the passing of your daughter. Your daughter’s name, would you share it with us, please? I’m Stephanie Scruggs. Stephanie’s Passing Stephanie. When you think of Stephanie, you just started smiling. What are the thoughts that when you think of her comes to mind? Stephanie was so confident. No matter what she put on, and one day she came home to my mom’s house and she had these long locks down to her feet. She was just in my mom’s kitchen and she was my mom was like, “Girl, if you would sit down and stop swinging that hair.” She was just so confident and Stephanie, as a child, always was my neat freak. Like she was very clean and she hated things out of order. She

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Turning Loss Into Legacy: The Power Of Estate Planning With Adam Zuckerman

Podcast / November 7, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Adam Zuckerman | Estate Planning

Estate planning is more than just paperwork—it’s about securing a legacy for your loved ones. In this powerful episode, Adam Zuckerman, founder of Buried in Work, shares how the loss of his father motivated him to build a company focused on transforming estate planning into a meaningful process for families. Adam talks about the importance of preparing for the unexpected and how his journey through grief inspired him to help others navigate the emotional and practical aspects of planning for the future. Tune in for an inspiring story of resilience, how to turn loss into purpose, and how estate planning can be a source of strength and connection. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Turning Loss Into Legacy: The Power Of Estate Planning With Adam Zuckerman Adam, welcome to the widowhood. Tina, thanks for having me. I’m glad to have you. What do you think about “Welcome to the widowhood?” What do you think when you hear that? There are a lot of different ways I can think about that, but weirdly, I think about possibility. There are a lot of negative connotations with things in life, and I think we need to do our best to turn that schematic around. There is a comedian who said something to the extent of divorce being a bad thing to most people. It’s not like someone says, “It was amazing. I finished her sentences, she finished mine, I met her parents, we got along great, so we got a divorce.” It’s a culmination of something, and that something can lead to something that isn’t necessarily better but can be different. When you say “Welcome to widowhood,” I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. It is a difficult and painful experience for a lot of people, but there can be some very positive aspects that we can find if we look hard enough. That’s fair. I would like to add, as you mentioned the statement about somebody getting divorced, that becoming a widow or a widower is a life goal. We take marriage vows and we say, “Till death do us part.” We don’t take marriage vows and say, “Till we get divorced.” When you say those are #RelationshipGoals, this is what it looks like. We don’t often think about what it would be like to be in my position or someone who has lost their wife, but this is what life goals look like. I love that. That is such a wonderful way to look at it. It is. In the idea of the inevitable, the reason we’re having this conversation is that the products that you support and you do are about life goals, the idea of wanting to have a plan, care for our loved ones, and leave everyone in a good space. Before we get into this, how did we get here with this, and who is Adam? Who Is Adam Zuckerman? I have a strange background. I’m an attorney, I have an MBA. The absolute last thing that I thought I’d be doing, if you spoke to me 5 or 10 years ago, was working in the industry that a lot of people refer to as death tech, which is neat. I have sold clean energy plants to prime ministers around the world. I was the entrepreneur and futurist for Discovery Channel’s parent company. I was somebody jumping off the top of Mount Everest, how you make the show better, go fix file sharing, or invest in startups. I was at a hedge fund outside of law school when I got my MBA. That grew to $1.2 billion while I was there on the ops team. This is all new for me, but it became very personal after my father passed away from leukemia. If you like, we can get into the story of how that happened. I would because that is the heartbeat of what you’re doing. Six and a half or seven years before starting Buried In Work, my father was diagnosed with leukemia for the first time, AML. Your dad’s name, Adam? He’s Andy. It’s funny, a lot of people called me Andy growing up. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the way. Maybe I’m an Andy by default. He named me wrong. He was diagnosed with AML. I donated bone marrow to him, so we got him some extra time, which is pretty neat. There’s only a 30% chance that I was a match, and I was. The procedure went well, and he relapsed once. He was at my house one day, and we were doing some woodworking in the basement. He walks up the stairs and he goes, “Adam, I’m tired.” My dad is not one to complain. He’s one to make a joke. When we say we’re tired, we go and take a nap, we get some tea, we read a book or something like that. When he says, “I’m tired,” it means something is not right. I have to go back to the doctor’s office. We’re in Maryland. He goes to Hopkins, where his doctor is. These doctors are phenomenal at Johns Hopkins, so shout out to them. They ran some tests. They told him to check in on a Thursday. Twelve days later, he passed away. It was quick. There are some positive narratives. If this happened twenty years ago, we wouldn’t have got those extra six and a half or seven years. My sister’s kids were younger when he was diagnosed first. That extra time that he got, he was able to build relationships that they’re going to have memories of right now, which is phenomenal. The

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