What do you do when you lose your husband to suicide? How do you live with it every single day, and how do you talk about it with other people? I sit down with Erin Carlson, who shares how she became a widow at 36 and was left with three children after her husband committed suicide. Now in her eighth year of widowhood just like me, she explains how she breaks the stigma around suicide and why conversations around it must never be shunned. Erin also emphasizes why those in law enforcement need proper mental health support, remembering the legacy of her husband who was once part of the police force. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.   Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Dealing With Her Husband’s Suicide With Erin Carlson What do you do when you’re widowed at 36 with three children? What do you do when suicide is awkward to talk about, but that’s your situation? My conversation with Erin is going to give you answers to that question and more. Let’s get into the discussion. Erin is here to share and help you know that you are not alone, and that the way you became a widow matters.   Hello, Erin. Welcome to the widowhood. Thank you, Tina. Really, thank you? What goes through your mind when you hear, “Welcome to the widowhood?” Yes, thank you. That’s what I want to hear. What is the ticker tape in your mind when you hear something like that? I heard you ask this question before. I definitely thought of my response. I think someone else said it. It’s like the club that you don’t want to be a part of, but for whatever reason, you end up part of it. Do you feel like you can ever be honest about not wanting to be part of that club? Yes. In what spaces? Someone who has gone through it before, like you, like here, and people that I let in and that know me. That brings an interesting question because sometimes, the people who knew us with our spouse may not be the people who get let in. What does that look like, the people who let you in versus the ones who don’t? There’s a certain level of my story that I tell people, and then there’s a certain deeper level that I tell other people, like my friends who have gone through it and fellow widows. Even if they haven’t friends that I’ve made friends in recent years, there’s so much to being a widow and what I went through. I know we haven’t even gotten there yet, but since it was a suicide death, it changes things. Some people don’t want to hear it, or they can’t handle it, so I have to be careful. Thank you. Your husband’s name, Erin? Drew. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for trusting me that this is a safe space. Obviously, you’ve listened to some other conversations. You know my intentions for why we do this. Do you feel like it’s helpful to be in a place where you can share your story and not have to hold back? Yes. It’s helpful for me to have that opportunity in that space. It’s helpful for others because one of the stories that I listened to was about someone very similar to me. When we had talked about this opportunity for me to do this here, I went back and forth. Once I heard that story, I thought I should do this so that the next person coming along, if they happen to experience it, they know they’re not alone. It is because there are so many feelings that come up with it. It is. You’re absolutely right. Oftentimes, we want to know we’re not alone, but it seems difficult to connect. It seems difficult to be transparent and make your situation available. You’re right. I also say this, no matter how your spouse passed, people want to go, “How did they die?” It’s like, “How are you doing?” You’re asking me that question. I have a topical response. “Somebody passed,” versus the somebody who wants the details, and I want to share my story. I hear that’s what you were saying. Is that similar? Am I understanding? You’re right. How Erin Met Her Husband How did you meet Drew? He was a police officer. When he passed, he was a Sergeant in Danbury. All he ever wanted to do was become a Sergeant in Danbury. In order to get there, he had to start in a very small town. That was in New Fairfield. That’s where I’m from. I started working as a dispatcher there. I was involved in the fire department. I was an EMT. I started as a dispatcher, and I loved it. He was one of the officers there, and I met him. Did you hear his voice and go, “Okay, Daddy,” or did you see him? How was the connection? Were you listening and going, “Okay, Officer.” Honestly, I loved his voice, but it was when he came in and introduced himself. They would introduce themselves to the new dispatcher. His hands were so soft. He said he had never worked a day in his life. That was his comeback, too, which was so funny because it’s so not true. He always worked. His eyes were blue. He had his hat on. He was so handsome. He called me ma’am. He was very respectful, always. You meet him there. How does it shift to, “Are we going out?” Does he ask you as a group?