Remembering Who You Were To Me Before You Became A Memory With Dr. Tina Fornwald
How do you hold the expansive story of a life when all people want to ask about is the ending? Dr. Tina Fornwald dedicates the month of March to remembering the whole person in grief, honoring her late husband, Mark Fornwald, nine years after his passing. In this raw and deeply personal conversation, she speaks directly to Mark, allowing listeners into a 32-year love that shaped her into the woman she is today—a relationship built on mutual strength, laughter, and raising their two children. She shares cherished, untold memories and explains why choosing to continue loving and living with his presence is more important than finding resolution. This is an invitation to witness a love that continues out loud and know you are not alone in your own journey. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Remembering Who You Were To Me Before You Became A Memory With Dr. Tina Fornwald A Love Story Continues Out Loud: March Dedication Before we begin, I want to name what this month is. For March, I am dedicating this show to my late husband, Mark Fornwald. Years ago, on March 11th, 2017, my life changed forever when he left this world. Rather than letting that date pass quietly or privately, I’ve chosen to honor him, my grief, and my love here in this space across March. This is going to feel a little different than my usual episodes. Some of what you’ll read this month will be spoken directly to Mark. Some of it will be spoken to you. Sometimes, you’ll simply be reading as love continues out loud. I’m not here this month to teach grief, analyze it, or package it into something tidy. I’m here to honor a relationship, what remains after loss, how love changes and shapes, and how we become when someone we love is no longer physically here. Reclaiming His Story: How People Talk About Mark Now If this is your first time tuning in, you don’t need to catch up or prepare. You’re welcome to tune in quietly, emotionally, or in pieces. There was no right way to be here. Mark, I’m talking to you, allowing others to read along. My first question, Mark, do you know how people talk about you now? They talk about you as my late husband, this man that I loved in person for 32 years, and the man who is no longer here. They talk about you as Tina’s late husband and Catherine and Alexander’s dad, who has died. They talk about you as the man who was a great hunter, the man who is the inspiration for that tattoo on my right thigh, the man who has taught me how to love, and the man who is the inspiration for Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, a nonprofit that I started to support other people who are grieving. People talk about you and laugh. Kim and Lionel have a joke about when they’re in their house, and they pull out a chair, and they find it, they say, “Mark left it there.” Kim and Lionel are my children’s godparents. Mark stayed with them one time when he was traveling for work. He would always leave the chair out. He would never scoot it underneath the table. To this day, Kim and Lionel will say, “Mark, did you do that?” because that means that one of them left the chair out. Those are some of the ways that people talk about you, my love. Beyond The Ending: Honoring How He Lived, Not How He Died Do you know how often you are remembered through the lenses of how you died, not how you lived? People I will meet, Mark, will say, “He died?” Instantly, they will ask how you died. I go into the long story about how I was supposed to have a work trip, but then I felt God pressing me not to go. I called you and asked you, “Did you want to get together?” You said yes because we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of months. We got together, and we got lost. We went to the movies. You had Chinese food for your last dinner. In my mind, I was thinking, “I know he wishes he had had steak and potatoes.” I can envision you. I’m telling them this long story. The next day, you weren’t feeling well. You went to have breakfast, and then you had a heart attack in our hotel room and never got up from that. I was at the end of the hallway, screaming into the phone to my sister and saying, “I love you. How can you no longer? How can this be? How is this possible?” That’s the thing that people want to know. Not how you were an amazing husband and not the things that you did, but how you died. I don’t know the fascination or curiosity. I do it myself. I ask people, “How did they pass?” I guess it’s something we do, but when I’m having this conversation with you and looking at these questions, it seems irrelevant. You died, and that is the most important part. 32 Years Of Love: Who You Were To Me Before Grief Entered The Room Do you know who you were to me before grief entered the room? I remember after you passed, Mark, and asking the kids, “Do you think Daddy knows how much I loved him?” In my mind, I wanted to know the answer was that you knew, but I wasn’t 1000% certain. I want you to
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