Grief is quite challenging to deal with all year round, but it can be specifically tougher during the holiday season. Keynote speaker Marie Alessi talks about her mission to bring lightness into grief, not to make it completely go away, but instead make it much easier to handle. Reflecting on the sudden passing of her husband, she stresses the importance of embracing joy despite the sadness – regardless of what other people may think. Marie also offers practical advice on raising children after your partner passes away, responding to insensitive comments about grief, and finding your very own North Star amid your grieving journey. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.   Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here     How To Bring Lightness Into Grief With Marie Alessi Our guest, Marie, has provided the number one answer to give to someone that is grieving. I’ve never heard it, but I’m going to be using it every day going forward. Let’s get into this conversation now.       Marie, welcome to the Widowhood. Tina, nice to be here. When you hear, “Welcome to the widowhood,” what’s the ticker tape in your mind? It was very bizarre when you just said that it came unexpected. I’m like, “Is it something to want to be welcome to?” That’s the first thought that came up. Here we are in this club together. Marie Alessi’s Journey Of Loss And Grief It is, and I hear that phrase. It’s a club that no one wants to be in, do you think we think about this club in the onset of marriage? First of all, let me say this, thank you for being part of this special series, Voices of Widowhood: Healing Through the Holidays. We’re having this conversation with the intentionality that people during the holidays, grief hits you a different way. Our conversation is focused around that intent. I want everyone in our community to get to know you first. Thank you. I don’t think it’s anything that you ever think of when you get married. However, my background is maybe slightly different because my mom became a widow when she was 43. My dad passed away when he was 46. I was only twenty. It was somewhat in the back of my mind, however, never in a way that I thought, “This could potentially happen to me.” I never thought of that. I don’t think anybody ever does until it does. Oftentimes, our vows say, “Until death do us part,” or these words are there, “For richer or poorer, in sickness or health,” but when they actually show up and your life is transformed and you are advocate of grief, you bring lightness into grief, how do you do all those things for yourself and for others? I think it comes back to what I just shared before that my dad died when I was really young. I had already a very intense shift happening in my life at the age of twenty, where everybody’s going about being young and happy and completely carefree. That carefree stopped for me the day my dad passed. I remember the first one and a half years, roughly. I had no idea how to handle my grief. It was debilitating. It numbed me.       It was just something that pulled the rug underneath my feet. Nobody teaches you how to deal with grief. Society’s expectation is when somebody dies, and especially for a widow, especially for a young widow, your life is over, basically. There’s this expectation that grief will last forever. There’s language like, “There’ll always be a hole in my heart.” I don’t succumb to any of those beliefs. I don’t use language like that. The way I bring lightness into grief is by sharing different perspectives. I am so big on teaching and sharing about the allowing, allowing joy back in, allowing love back in. When you look at the before and after timeline, before somebody dies in your life, it is so normal. Nobody would ever question that. There’s joy, there’s sadness, there’s happiness, there’s tears, there’s all sorts of emotions all over the place, especially for women before somebody dies. Afterwards, all of a sudden there’s grief. I’m like, “Not true.” It’s not the reality. The reality of it is that there’ll be smiles and happy tears or laughter even of joyful memories or new memories that you create. Guilt comes in because society teaches you that that’s not part of it, and that’s not true. I’m going to share a very quick scenario that happened at portrays that so perfectly. One of the songs that I always sang to Rob was “Love is in the Air” because there was so much love between us. I would always sing and I sing when I’m happy. That’s just what I do. I would often sing that song to him. I remember I was standing in the kitchen one day after Rob died. I was cutting some vegetables, I was preparing dinner, and I started singing “Love is in the Air.” All of a sudden, there was this guilt that came in. I remember vividly that quick train of thoughts that rushed through my head and I forced myself to continue singing. It wasn’t with the same enthusiasm and with the same, like as I usually do with all my heart, with all my body, with everything. I forced myself not in a negative way. I really encouraged myself to keep singing. That was very pivotal for me because I thought in my head, “This is what Rob would want. This is what we promised