Losing a loved one is truly heartbreaking. How harder would it be if you had to deal with the death of several family members? Alicia Voss is here to share how she handled the passing of her mother and her spouse after they got divorced. She reflects on the importance of forgiving even when unasked for, the importance of self-grace in navigating the complexities of loss, and how her personal relationships transformed after going through grief. Alicia also talks about her inspiration behind Good Grief Great Mourning, a platform born from her personal grieving journey, and how she helps other people go through their own stories of loss. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.  Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Dealing With The Passing Of Family Members With Alicia Voss Have you ever wondered how your grief looked different if you and your spouse were divorced? What would you consider if you felt like a widow or widower? How does the difference of losing your parent impact your grief? What does the word HEMS have to do with grief? That’s the answer that you’ll receive in this next conversation with Ms. Voss. Let’s get into the discussion.     Alicia, welcome to the widowhood. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. “Welcome to the widowhood.” What comes to mind when you hear something like that? If I were to see the ticker tape inside your head going widowhood, what would that reap? It almost sounds surreal. I used to think as a kid that that was a word for old people. Ironically, I got married young, so I know that’s not the case, especially being in the grief space. I used to think that was a term for people with a lot of gray hair and up in their 80s and 90s. It is something. Seeing yourself in that community, how has that changed the narrative for you? For me, it brings everything back into a normal perspective because I’m it. I feel like I can empathize more. I see through different lenses. When you have conversations with people and introduce in the conversation that you are a widow, do you get some response like you thought in your mind as far as, “You’re a widow,” and coming to terms with that with people? For those that don’t know, my ex-husband passed away after we had separated, so it was a little different for me. Me getting married early on was more of a surprise, but getting the news that he had passed was a shocker, for sure. Thank you for mentioning the dynamics of your situation. If you’ve been married to someone and they passed, it still impacts you. Some people may go, “They were divorced. I don’t even know why you’re talking about him anymore.” What would you say to someone that made a statement like that? It’s selfish. That’s like saying if you had a child that passed away, you have another child, so you should be okay with this new child. Each grief process is different. You’re going to process it no matter what. It’s still a part of you. That’s a part of your story. It’s a chapter in your book, I feel like. When you say process, instead of that generic term, what does that grief look like? I want to have this conversation because there’s someone reading this discussion where they’re divorced, and their spouse passed. They feel like they can’t grieve because they were divorced. They feel they don’t have the right to be sad, or they don’t have the right to elicit these emotions, but they exist. Can we dive into what that  looked like for you on a granular level? Sure. I’ll start off by saying the separation and divorce was a grieving process also. Having to separate from something that you’re used to in your day-to-day life, that starts the process. It’s almost like you move from one grief to another grief. He never remarried, and neither did I. When I found out he had passed away, I felt like you were saying initially. It was like, “Do I have the right to grieve?” I had to give myself permission because no one else was going to respect my grieving process if I didn’t go through it myself. I took a few days to get past the shock. It was more of a numbness, initially. Once I realized, “This is it. This is final. No more,” then I had to start going through the stages. I didn’t deal with depression, anxiety, or anything. It was more of bargaining, like, “I wonder if this had been this way, or if this had have been fixed, his life would’ve ended up this way.” You go through those stages or what have you. I would say to the person, “If you’re not together and that person dies, give yourself grace to grieve. I know that sounds cliche, but you have the right. It is your right to process your grief even if you’re not together.” For me, I feel so free in the fact that we had some issues, as any marriage would, but forgiveness was a big factor for me. I forgave him before he ever asked. He asked me for forgiveness two weeks before he passed away. I had already forgiven him. We were friends. We had multiple discussions about different things. That made my process a lot easier. I was able to say I forgave him, and we were in a good space. I felt so free, but I still felt the pain, like, “He’s not