What To Do A Day After Someone’s Passing
The day of your loved one’s passing is indeed a hard time to get through. But unbeknownst to many, the day after their death is much harder to get through. As I remember my late husband Mark on his ninth death anniversary, we explore the often-overlooked emotional weight that happens one day after a special someone dies. I look back on what I learned from the extreme quietness following Mark’s passing and why I continue to embrace gratefulness long after his death. We also uncover why emotional fog is not something you should feel bad about and how to give yourself grace through the immense power of self-care. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here What To Do A Day After Someone’s Passing Before we begin, I want to name what this month holds. Through March, I am dedicating the episodes to my late husband, Mark Fornwald. He left this world nine years ago. In fact, yesterday, March 11th, and each episode this month is part of an intentional space of remembrance, reflection, and honesty. These conversations may feel a little different than a typical episode. Some moments are spoken directly to Mark, some communications to you, and some are love continuing out loud. If you are joining mid-month, you are exactly where you need to be. You need to be here. This is not a series that requires catching up. Only presence. Remembering Mark On The 9th Anniversary Of His Passing Mark, I am speaking to you and to you again and letting others listen in. Mark, yesterday was the ninth anniversary of your passing. That is hard, the reality of that to me, that it has been nine years since I held your hand, since I heard your voice the day you died, the day you transitioned, the day you left this world. For me, as soon as March hits, I start having underlying anxiety, tension, and just thinking my mind starts playing over the events of what happened leading up to your passing, how we spent time together, the day before we went to the movies, and went out to eat. The furthest thing from my mind was that I would leave Delaware without you. The events go over in my mind, coming home to home-based guest housing, running up the steps, and us just feeling like we were being kids and hanging out. I left something in the car. We went back down to get it without any fussing. It was just simple. We went out to eat, went to the movies, and finished walking so I could get my required amount of steps for the day. Never would have thought that that would have been the last time you made love to me, the last time you held me tight. All of those thoughts just come flooding back. It is not as Technicolor as it was originally, but the thoughts and the memories exist. Yes, I took off from work. I cannot work on your death-versary. My mind is drifting off to other places, and it is not fair to the people I work with, nor is it fair to me. I do not think it is fair to you, Mark. It is worth honoring, just like your birthday, to me. This has such a great impact on my life, changed when you left this world. Do you know how heavy the twelfth still feels? It is like a hangover. It is like the feelings leading up to the day are a lot of stress. The day itself does not always feel that much pressure. The day after is like a balloon releasing just what is left. Maybe I ate too much food, and I am sitting there with that over-gorged feeling. Each part of this timeline impacts me differently. The anxiety is building up is worse than the day before. The day after has that lingering effect. Maybe like when you had a cold, and you took too much cold medicine, and you sort of have that washed-out feeling, that is what the day after feels like for me. Do you know how my body remembers even when the calendar moves on? I did not know, Mark, until you passed, how much my body would be involved in this grief process. I literally thought grief was no more than being sad for a certain period of time, and then that sadness would go away. Somewhere or another, I would just drift back into life. I was so wrong. The inability to sleep, the inability to focus, the inability for my body just to behave the way it did before you died, drove me to reading books about grief, talking to therapists, talking to other men and women who had lost spouses to understand, is this how it really feels? It was confirmed to me in so many different ways that this is what grief looks like. I am so grateful for every conversation that I had with every person helping me to lean in and to live in my life in your absence. If not, I think I would have thought I was crazy. I would have felt like, is it this complicated? Having those conversations with people, not podcasts, but talking to friends who had lost loved ones and understanding on a personal level, this is how it feels. It was validating for me. It helped me understand every therapist session, every conversation I had, to know grief is heavy, and it does impact my body. Do you know how alone the day after can feel? It
What To Do A Day After Someone’s Passing Read More »
