No one deserves to lose their spouse in an untimely manner, but such is the bitter reality of life sometimes. Yolanda White became a widow at a pretty young age, and she initially drowned in isolation and depression. But thanks to social media, she found a community that helped her through the grieving journey and allowed her to undergo an intentional healing process. Tune in to our conversation as Yolanda looks back on the challenges of navigating grief with young children, the difficulties of celebrating holidays and anniversaries after her husband’s passing, and the importance of focusing on self-care despite the sadness. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.  Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Yolanda White’s Intentional Healing Journey Welcome, Yolanda. Normally, I say welcome to the widowhood, but I don’t know right now. I’m just going to say we are here. I want to say thank you for wanting to have this conversation. This is something people do not want to do, but I feel like for you, it’s part of your healing. It’s part of your coming to terms to not let it swallow you up, but that’s my perspective. Why are you wanting to have this conversation? When I first became a widow, I started to look for support, but I couldn’t find anyone who looked like me. My idea in my head of what a widow was and that picture when I close my eyes and hear that word is an 80-year-old woman or someone who has lived their entire life with their spouse and has grandchildren and fulfilled this dream that I had and that got ripped away from me. As I was looking out on the internet for support groups and things, I wasn’t finding anyone who faced the same struggles that I did, or at least someone who was vocal about it. I chose to live this journey out loud and ask questions and see if there were other people who could relate or give me advice. In turn, that ended up finding you and a ton of other people on social media. It’s just been a really cool experience to know, A, that I’m not alone and B, I’m now helping people. That wasn’t my intention. I was like, “Help me,” in the beginning and now we all help each other. It’s just been a really cool community to form. I actually met someone in person that lives local to me that I met on TikTok. Do you know Liz Cannon? Yeah.         I never imagined that it would turn into this. I’m glad that I stopped being afraid and I just put myself out there and started talking. You said so much. One, Liz is one of the board members of Widowhood Real Talk with Tina. I didn’t know that. I want to circle back. You said you didn’t see someone that looked like you. How much did that impact you feeling like you were widow and not seeing someone that represented you? In a big way? It made me feel alone. It made me cry. Finding Support On Social Media You mentioned about not seeing someone that represented you. How impactful was that to your journey or your grief? I felt very alone and hopeless there. A lot of times, like you, I look for other people and those who have gone before me so I can follow in their footsteps. I just didn’t see that. I didn’t see anyone who had gone before me, who was 39, had plans and dreams for the rest of my life with him. We’ll get into this, I’m sure, but I didn’t just lose him. I also lost my three stepdaughters. It was a lot at once. They’re still living, but unfortunately the relationship has been severed. Thank you for sharing that. I’m going to say this for you. You lost your husband by him taking his own life. Someone has taken their life young, hopeful and now alone and feeling like no one can relate to you. You find out on social media that there are other people and people go, “I’m not going to go on social media. That’s just so weird. You don’t have anybody you know? You have friends and family, don’t you?” I’m going to say this, our friends and family love us, but they oftentimes do not have the mental capacity, knowledge, or emotional bandwidth to know how to show up for us. It drives us to people that can validate, understand and relate because so much of this we cannot really articulate. When you’re in a space with another person that’s lost a spouse, you can almost start a sentence and go, “Yeah,” before you have even. What did you think about going to social media for your grief? My very first video was after my husband took his life. I don’t have local family. My family was here. My mom stayed with me for I think six weeks. My sister came. It had been a total of like seven and a half weeks where someone was in my home because I also have three children. Someone was here to help because I was just a mess. At that time, this was before EMDR, I should say I found my husband. There was an image and a video, if you will, of that moment that would replay. I was just numb. That very first night when there was no one here. No one was in my bed because my family was sleeping in my bed with me and I was alone.