The journey of widowhood can be a lonely road, but remember, you’re not alone. In this episode, you’ll find a raw and honest look into the complexities of widowhood. It breaks down the enduring nature of grief, debunking the myth that it magically fades after a year. This episode reflects on how losing a spouse transforms identity and emphasizes the importance of community support during this difficult time. Be encouraged to embrace new identities and to find joy in life again, while also fostering understanding and empathy among those supporting the bereaved. Tune in for an enlightening conversation about navigating life after loss. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here Understanding The Realities Of Widowhood The Grief Journey To keep myself straight, I don’t have anybody asking me questions. I have a list right here. We are going to go down the list and I’m going to share some things with you from my perspective. I understand that everyone may see this from a different vantage point. I’m sharing with you my lived experience and conversations that I have had with hundreds of widows over the last few years. First of all, what I want people to know about widowhood is that grief is a journey. After one year, grief continues. There is not something magical that happens after one year that you should think that your friend or your family member who is grieving their spouse that this grief has completed itself. What may happen within that first year is they may no longer be dealing with a grief fog or a grief brain. You may say, “What is that?” When a person experiences a great loss, they can often have trauma in their brain. That will show up that the prefrontal cortex in the back of the head in the amygdala is operating differently. I know for myself that for the first 6 to 9 months, my brain was protecting me from the reality of the full trauma that Mark had left this world. What that did for me. I was operating in a fog. I was not my normal self. I feel like I was floating through and watching my life go as I was also a part of it. When I look back at that first year and I ask different friends and family members what they remember, my vision is cloudy. I know that is part of the mechanism of this body to be able to help protect me from that trauma. In that first year, they may have moved past that grief trauma, that grief brain, and that grief fog, but rest assured that there is more grief ahead of though. I say that to validate my widows and widowers and people who are grieving, and also for people who tune in to this episode who are supporting others who are grieving, and they want to know what is behind that veil that they may not be given privy to know and to understand. Please know that this is a life journey, and they need you. They need you as long as you know that person is no longer in this world. It does not stop after one year. The complexity of it changes. Recently, I received some documentation that required me to have to provide my late husband’s death certificate, birth certificate, marriage license, and DD-214. Seeing all of those in one sentence is more than a notion. Having to open up my safe, find these documents, and think about Mark’s life and death have catapulted me back into thinking of things that I have not thought of in a long time. It has made that grief return in a heavier and different way. I’m still able to function, but I know if this would have happened in that first year, I would not. It would be different, but I do know that there are still things happening in my life that allow my grief to resurface. I want you to know that in one year, it’s not over. A Spouse’s Identity The second part that I want you to know is a part of a spouse’s confidence, assurance, and identity has been wrapped up and connected in their marriage to their spouse. When my husband passed, I had to practice saying my name alone. I had said Tina and Mark for so long. I had to practice saying Tina without something accurate. It was hard to think about who I was if I was not Mark’s spouse. It was hard for me to think about who I was as an individual, what my goals were, and what were my life aspirations if they were not tethered to Mark’s existence. I did a lot of work. I did a lot of journaling. I did a lot of introspective looking at Tina and seeing, “Who am I? What is it that I enjoy doing? What gives me pleasure? What do I not like to do?” My identity was sometimes understanding that I don’t like green jelly. I had it in the house because Mark and the kids like grape jelly. I found out I like orange marmalade and that’s okay for me, but it took me to the grocery store, consciously choosing not to purchase things that I purchased on rote, and to look for things that were different. Do I like going to bed earlier? Do I have to have meat with every meal? Do I prefer going for a walk versus when I can drive? What do I want to do with my life and my career? All of those parts of my identity were something