Imagine being thrown into the depths of grief and coming out the other side with a heart that’s not just healed, but stronger than ever. Today’s guest, Susan Peters, shares her transformative journey from heartbreak to hope. After the sudden loss of her beloved husband, Susan embarked on a path that not only helped her reconnect with her heart but also led her to embrace new dreams and a deeper purpose. In this heartfelt conversation, she shares lessons on how heartbreak can be a gateway to greater strength, resilience, and authenticity. Whether you’re navigating grief or simply seeking a fresh perspective on life’s challenges, Susan’s wisdom and courage will guide you toward embracing your own heart’s journey. Stay tuned for an enlightening discussion on how to transform loss into an opportunity for profound personal growth.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. 

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World.

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The Miracle Of Marrying My Heart: A Journey From Heartbreak To Hope With Susan Peters

Hello, Widowhood. Our guest is Ms. Susan Peters. She is going to share with you from her heart. The lessons that she has learned are going to be vital to your own healing journey. The ability to go from someone who may have been shy to brave, the steps in healing, and the interesting facts of how our heart breaks and light coming in make us stronger. Allow me to share a little bit of Susan’s bio with you. After an unexpected and devastating loss of her beloved husband, John, Susan began a transformational journey of the heart to move through her grief. She discovered how creating new dreams, helping bring her heart back into wholeness, and authentic connections allowed her to embrace the fullness of life.

She hopes to inspire others to reconnect more deeply with their own heart and loss, thus giving them a chance to discover their new identity by opening up to the possibilities of new dreams so they will be able to live out their authentic purpose. She is in love with the life she has chosen and truly believes that connecting with the depths of her own heart and each other will transform the world. Let’s get into this conversation, and you can purchase Susan’s book. Hello, Susan. Welcome to the Widowhood.

Thanks, Tina. I’m so glad to be here with you.

When you hear, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?

Reframing Widowhood As Bravery

To tell you the truth, when I first heard the term widow, I did not like it at all. If you had said to me, “Welcome to the widowhood,” when I was first in loss, I would have been like, “I don’t like that.” I learned from Emily Tanner in the Brave Widow that widow is a brave word. Widows are brave. Widows step forward. They have to step into a lot of different things that they didn’t want to and didn’t have a choice to. Once she said that, it switched something in my brain to say that being a widow is honorable. It’s not fun, and it’s not where you want to be. You don’t wish it upon anybody, but it’s also honorable. It also gives us a chance to step forward and share with others to see that we can help and support each other through something very difficult, and we can get through it together.

There’s a lot there. Thank you for sharing that. I don’t know anybody who liked hearing the word widow. I remember we were taking care of some paperwork shortly after my husband passed, and the person that I was working with had this big computer screen. They shifted it and said “Marital status” and clicked “Widow.” I don’t know if it had been 48 hours. It felt like somebody had ripped my heart out. It was like, “That’s what I am now.” I wanted to tell him, “Don’t check that,” but he had to. Your brain is just settling. I would agree with the concept of the brave widow.

I would also go so far as to say that I believe widows should be celebrated. We completed our marriage vows. The amount of knowledge and wisdom. No matter if the marriage was good or bad, you learn something from sticking to that and could benefit other people who are newly married or maybe have been married for a while. It is difficult. It is sad, but there is something very powerful about who we have become in this process. You talked about the Brave Widow. I think you and Emily’s podcast is going to air very close to each other. Tell us about your connection with Emily in the Brave Widow community.

Emily was on a summit with someone else whom I had become friends with because she was in Canada, and her husband had died. She started creating summits to help people get over their grief. Emily happened to be her guest. I joined in some of her Brave Widow things. One of the very early ones is when she had told me that being a widow is brave. Ever since then, I was like, “I love this woman.” She was the one who gave me my chance to be on my first podcast. She got me started on that.

It’s interesting because our story connected between our meetings, and we got to share a lot online and share our stories. Somehow, we connected. She gave me opportunities to step forward. I was grateful for those opportunities to share my voice and to share to make a difference in some other widows’ lives.

Would you consider yourself brave before that?

No. I think I was brave in certain ways, but I wouldn’t describe myself as that. Stepping through grief in the way that it happened helped me to have to be brave because it was during COVID. I had to do things by myself, and it was a big eye-opener. It’s almost like I didn’t have a choice. I had to step into the bravery, which was good because it wasn’t like, “I have to choose. Do I do this or not?” It was like, “All right, I either do it or I don’t do it.” I did. I looked back and went, “I did that.” I was proud of myself that I could do it.

Thank you for sharing that. It is a choice because you could choose to stay in bed. You could choose to hand those responsibilities over to someone else. You could have chosen to navigate it a different way. It sounds as if you chose to be an active participant in your grief journey. For a widow who may not have done a lot of things for herself, what advice would you share from your own experience that would be helpful for her?

Rediscovering Identity & Healing Through The Heart

I didn’t do a lot of things for myself. I took care of our family, our kids, my husband, and my mom and dad as they got sick and ill. It was easy to put myself on the back burner. When John died, I think what set in for me was, “Who am I?” I didn’t know what my identity was anymore. I was no longer a spouse or a wife. Our kids were all gone and married, and I was by myself. What do I do now? Who am I now? Do I have a purpose? Do I have to exist until I die? I started realizing that the only way that I could look at myself now is through my heart and through my own eyes, and then figure out who I am through that. Going to my heart space was what took me forward.

Thank you. That leads right into your book here, The Miracle of Marrying My Heart. When you came up with that title, what did you want to convey to the reader?

I felt like John was my other half, and I lost it. How do I ever get back? It didn’t seem like I’ll ever be complete again. What I also started hearing was that when our hearts are broken and shattered, that’s when the light gets in, and that’s what helps our hearts to expand. When I looked at it that way, I thought, I want to do everything I can to love and trust myself 100%. To me, the miracle is that our hearts can not only be full again, they can be more full, more expanded, and able to hold and give more love than ever before.

I’ve never heard that concept. Thank you for sharing that. Oftentimes, I feel that people are apprehensive to say I’m shattered or I’m broken because of the passing of a loved one. It’s natural to feel that way.

I was very broken and shattered. I felt hollow inside and like I was a deer in the headlights. What do I do? I had no clue.

The first tab I have here is from Christine Jarvis. I believe this is a part of people giving their commentary on the book. I’m going to read that. “A touching account of how Sue transformed the grief and loss of her husband’s death into a new reality. Her message is both inspiring and helpful in a world that struggles with the pain and uncertainty of death.” Christine Jarvis. What comes to mind for you when you hear that?

We don’t have to be stuck in our grief. There’s always a possibility to move forward. We’re almost meant to put down our grief and hide it because we need to get on with life and get back to things as normal, instead of allowing the grief to be what it is and supporting people in and through that grief. When we support and encourage people in their grief, they step forward. Their power and authenticity become more available to them, and they’re more able to support and encourage others, and be permission to others to have their own grief and step forward through it.

You mentioned not having to rush through your grief. Have you experienced that or other widows that you’ve encountered having that feeling of rushing through it?

The Ongoing Nature Of Grief & The Myth Of “Getting Back To Normal”

Sometimes, you feel like society wants you to get over it and get back to who you used to be, but you’re never going to be that person again. It takes so much time to heal. It’s over four years now for me, and there are still moments when I’m sad and still grieving in certain ways. Things come up. I feel like that’s something that’s going to be with me forever. At the same time, there’s the possibility that when you give people time to grieve and allow it to be in their own timing and not force it, they get stronger as they go along.

It’s like a muscle. When you go to the gym and you work it out, it allows people to get through their grief. Supporting them in stages builds their heart up and builds them back up into what is next for them and what their next chapter is. We only grow from our challenges. Growing our muscles from our heart is also important.

When people are trying to rush through it, do you think they’re trying to fix it, or is it so painful for them to be in the experience with someone hurting?

I think that’s possible. Sometimes, we want to rush and get it over with. It’s like going through the drive-thru so we don’t have to cook. It’s like, ”Hurry up, get this. I want it to be done. I want to move on with my life.” If we personally do that after losing somebody, then it’s going to hit us somewhere down the line if we try to rush it at the beginning. If other people try to rush us, it’s going to frustrate us and make it harder for us to step forward because we’re trying to be what someone else wants us to be. We’re not figuring out who we are in this new situation. We have to allow people that time to figure out who they are and allow them to grow into who they can be instead of trying to make them who they used to be because they’re not that anymore.

Thank you for sharing that. I often hear people say, “My life isn’t what it used to be, and I want my life back.” Can you talk about how that’s impossible?

I feel like what you go through is so challenging and so traumatic that if you go back to where you were, you’re living a different life. You’re trying to live a life, and that person is not there anymore. You can never interact the same again. When people think that you’re going to be that way and you try to act that way, it’s impossible because it’s like going through a door, stepping back, and that door got closed. It’s like, “Now, what do I do?” You’re left trying to figure out which door do I go through next. That can be very hard and very confusing. To try to open that door and go back is almost impossible. When that person dies, the key is taken with them, and we don’t have the key to get back in. Do we want to go back in? I don’t feel like I would want to.

I can relate to that. I’m going to read the table of contents, and then we’re going to cover some specific areas in a couple of chapters, if that’s okay with you. Chapter One, The Bursting of Dreams. Chapter Two, Crisis of Faith: Who Am I? Chapter Three, What Is Your Dream? Chapter Four, Dear Heart, Will You Marry Me? Chapter Five, Should I Bring a Ring? Chapter Six, The Sacred Ceremony of a Joyful Dance of a Complete Me. Chapter Seven, Honeymoon with My Heart. Chapter Eight, Nurturing New Dreams and Letting My Heart Shine Brightly. Dream Waivers, End Notes, Permissions, and About the Author. I am going to read something from The Bursting of Dreams.

“Day after day, I found myself on a solo journey in the dark, trying to make hard decisions for John’s survival. I sat in the waiting room alone for three hours, worrying, praying, and hoping as he had surgery to remove 90% of his pancreas. I then faced the grim news that the surgeon encountered more devastation inside John’s gut area than expected. The only words of possible hope were that it would be a long, long road to any possible recovery.” What do you think now, hearing those words?

It still hits me in the gut and the heart because you hear those words, and it takes you somewhere else. It doesn’t seem real. You have to try to face the reality of it, but at the same time, it doesn’t seem real. Even now, hearing it, it still doesn’t seem. Did all this happen? Yes, it did. My brain goes right there again. It’s almost like there’s hope, but the long recovery makes you go, “Why and how long? I don’t understand this.” There are so many questions that come with it, and there are no answers. Not any.

No matter what you ask of the doctors, they don’t know. They’re trying their best. It’s a hard situation to be in because you worry about your person, and you don’t know what’s happening to them. You’re trying to digest it all. It’s something that you don’t even know a lot about because it’s a lot of medical terms and things that are coming at you left and right that you’re trying to get through. You want it to be over, but it’s not. You have no control over it. I think the hardest part is the lack of control. You have to trust what the doctor said. “Is that okay? The long road ahead is going to be something we have to deal with and hope for the best.” You don’t know what that means. I think that’s the hardest part when you’re going through sickness and possibly facing death.

I would agree with that. You mentioned something about all this information in medical terms. That’s coming at you in an instant. You’re having to make decisions. Your brain is cloudy. You’re drifting off here and there. Decisions need to be made. It is a heavy weight. Thank you for sharing that. In your book, each section has questions for reflection. I’m going to ask you some of those if that’s okay. This one says, “Have you ever felt caught in a spin that wouldn’t stop? What finally ended it? How did you feel during and after the experience?”

The “Spin” Of Crisis & The Relief Of Finality

For me, the spin was like the spin on the computer. When John was sick, all the things that were happening, I felt like it was spinning, and it wouldn’t go to the next page. The doctors would call me in the middle of the night and ask me questions. Should we do this? Do you give us permission to do this? I was like, “I don’t know. Do what you think is best.” It would keep going and going. Day after day, I would go in, and day after day, he’s not getting better. There’s more news, more tests, more procedures, and more problems that arise. The spin was like it wouldn’t get worse, but it wouldn’t get better. It would keep spinning.

What finally ended it for me was when he died. The day he died, I felt the spin stop. I was like, “At least I know now he’s done with suffering. He’s done with peace.” I don’t have any clue how to step forward, but at least the spinning is done. I can deal with the moment because it’s finally like I could stand in the moment. I think that was the hardest part. I didn’t feel like I was standing. I felt like I was caught in a spin during the four and a half months that he was in the hospital. I finally could stand there and say, “Let’s see what happens next. What’s going to be next?”

Thank you for sharing that. I know we may share the stories of our spouses’ transitioning, but it still comes at a price. I don’t want to gloss over that. What gives you the certainty that you said that John is no longer suffering? He’s at peace. What gives you that confidence?

I saw what he went through, and seeing him there not having to move, not having to breathe, not having any machines on him anymore, that at least gave me peace that he was at peace. That’s what the end was for me to say, “Yes, it’s hard to leave you.” That’s a whole new topic.

The limbo, not knowing what’s happening.

It’s the unknown. That’s the hardest.

It’s that place of in-between, wanting something to happen but can’t control what’s going to happen next, and then knowing that he has left this world. Now, I need to start figuring it out. That is something every widow will journey through, the idea that their spouse is no longer here. What does life look like? What are all these decisions that I need to make next? Chapter Two. I want to read this, and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind. “A crisis of faith. Who am I?”

Loss Of Identity & The Void

I did not know who I was. It’s the scariest feeling of my life because I felt like I lost my identity, like somebody stole my whole wallet, my whole life, my birth certificate, and everything. I honestly felt like I didn’t know who I was or how to go forward, even. It was the weirdest feeling. I never felt that in my whole life. I have to face that. I would look in the mirror, and I’d be like, “Who are you?” It was such a challenging question because I couldn’t answer it. Not where I was. I felt like I was in the void, like I was in some weird vacuum void. I honestly didn’t know what to do with it.

Thank you for sharing that. It almost seems incomprehensible for us not to know who we are. We’re adults. We were functioning human beings. There is something intense about when your partner leaves this world, in that sense of emptiness and uncertainty. What do I do now? Everything I did was with this person. Now, I’ll never talk to them again. The decisions that I need to make. Do I call myself Miss or do I call myself Mrs? Do I say our children or do I say my children? All of those things start unpacking very quickly. What did that look like for you when you were thinking, “Who is Susan?”

I was like, “What do I do?” I’m used to going shopping and buying things for both of us, getting his lunch ready, getting his breakfast ready in the morning, and having supper with him. Now, I have no one to have a conversation with. When I would go visit my grandchildren and my kids, he was not there with me, and I had no one to share that with. All of that played into it. Every single one of those things was like someone throwing a rock at my head.

Over and over, you get hit with something new every day, multiple times a day, especially in those first six months. It even continues. Every once in a while, something still comes up that’ll be another rock at me. I’ve been grounded a lot since then as I move into who I am. At the beginning, it was hard. It was this most emptiest feeling I’ve ever felt.

Thank you for sharing that. You mentioned earlier about the Brave Widow. How did coming into the community impact your grief journey?

It made a big difference. For one, I found out that I wasn’t the only one grieving that kind of loss, even though I knew there were other people from millions of years ago doing that. At the same time, talking with people and hearing their stories, what they were going through, that they felt the same way as I did, like a deer in the headlights, that they felt empty inside, and that they didn’t know what to call themselves or how to step forward.

All those things started saying, “I’m not the only one. We have something in common. You understand what I’m going through,” when other people would be scared to even talk to me, and sometimes hide. They don’t even want to approach me. It’s nice to have somebody who understands and that you can still be sad with, but you can also laugh with because you can talk about the silly and fun things that you used to do with your husband or spouse. You can also cry in front of them, and they’re not going to be judgmental about that you’re crying every time you talk.

That validation is important. If a widow told you she’s much of an introvert, she doesn’t want to talk to people, I don’t see any value in how that’s going to help. My husband is still going to be dead. What would you share with her?

I would say to go ahead and grieve those moments because you have to take that time, and you have to also be ready to step forward. No one could have forced me to jump into a group. I was asked to be in a couple of groups, and I said, “No, I can get through this myself.” It wasn’t until a friend of mine who lost her sister, and she was doing a hospice Zoom at the time because of COVID. She said, “Do you want to sit in with me on a Zoom?” I felt like I didn’t need it, but I’ll support her. That’s what I did.

I got on there instead of realizing that other people were sharing. I thought, for one thing, I learned what other people are going through. Another thing I found out was that I could contribute some of what I was doing to get through my grief with them. They were like, “I never thought of that.” We each had different things to share, which I wouldn’t have thought of ahead of time. Once I did that, I thought, “This is important.” All of a sudden, it took some of the weight off my shoulders. I don’t have to carry this by myself. I do have somebody I can share it with. I do have people who get it. You could breathe again. I felt like I could take a few breaths, and I didn’t have to struggle by myself.

That is huge. I like how you said it has to be at your own time because sometimes, people will try to thrust you into doing something. It’s good to hear the value of something exists when you are ready to venture into it. What gives you a strong feeling of purpose in your life? What gifts do you have that you can use to help create a vision for the purpose that you can contribute to the vision and serve others?

Purpose Found Through Shared Grief

I feel that my purpose now is to share that if I can get through grief, you can get through grief. We can help each other by sharing our stories because that’s what gives me the connection to other people’s hearts. When I share my story and somebody responds, they almost always start sharing their own story of grief or loss in some way, shape, or form. All of a sudden, we’re connected at the heart level. When you’re connected at the heart level, you can shift each other up and out of the space that you’re in. To me, that’s the gift worth sharing because it’s not like we have to have these special, crazy, amazing gifts. It’s mostly about loving each other.

We have to love and support each other through the hard times. It doesn’t mean we have to be in each other’s faces every day or constantly share things to make them happy. It’s knowing that we can be there for each other and support each other through our stories, through our words, through our experiences, through our tears, whatever it is. It’s almost like everything turns into a gift once you start sharing it with somebody, because you can see something new that you didn’t see before. To me, I’ve gone forward because of seeing something from a new perspective and something that someone else gave me to step forward in.

Thank you for that. Before we finish up, I have some questions on the book. You talked about loving and supporting others. For people who may not have experienced a profound grief, what are some suggestions on how they could support someone who heavily grieved?

The most important thing is to give them space to be who they are. Don’t force anything upon them. Allow them to be in the space they are and to move at the speed they need to. Listening is the best thing we can do. A lot of times, I’ve heard this multiple times from people, so many people say the wrong things because they don’t know what to say, and it can be offensive to people sometimes. Giving a hug, listening, and saying, “I have no words, but I love you. I know that I’m here if you want to share something,” and simple things. Keep it as simple as possible. Send a note, send a card. They may not respond to you, but they’ll appreciate it. I appreciated every single card I got in my mail.

I also appreciated that not every single person wanted to talk to me because I didn’t want to talk to people at the beginning. My birthday was not too long after John’s funeral. My family organized a parade of cars to come down my street, toot, and say hi to me. I was like, “I don’t even want to go outside and say hi to anybody,” but I did. It ended up being fine. It was all nice and good. Sometimes, we need space to be, and it’s okay. You’re not leaving that person alone, and you’re not being mean to them if you do that. At the same time, let them know that they’re supported through notes, texts, or little cards, until they’re ready to talk about it.

I can accept that. Tell me some of your favorite stories about John.

The Healing Power Of Nature & Connection With John

John was fun. He would make me laugh. He said goofy things that would make me laugh and smile. We had a fun laugh that could always break up what was going on. He knew how to break up the hard things in life and make certain things, like life was fun. We were in a car accident in the year 2000. Ever since then, he was like, “Life’s too short. Let’s enjoy it,” and so we did. We got to see our grandkids, and our kids helped them move and went to visit them because they all live in different places.

We enjoyed those moments and treasured the time together as a family, and the times that we spent together, especially out in nature. He loved being out in nature. I liked it at the time, but he has gotten me to truly love nature. That’s where I find a lot of peace. I thank him all the time. Thank you, John, for teaching me that this is important because now I feel his presence a lot in nature. I feel like he’s still walking with me. We’re just on a different journey. We’re not side-by-side, body-by-body, but we’re side-by-side, spirit-to-body. It’s still a relationship that goes on and continues.

You talk about nature. I look at the pictures in your background, the birds, and the trees. Can you tell us how that is intertwined with the love for nature that you have now?

When I’m outside, I can feel the connection to John better because it’s so much more expanded. The birds will be singing, the moon will be out, the sunrise, the sunset, or there’ll be a bunny or a squirrel. John was always quick to point those out, “Look at that crazy squirrel over there,” or “Look at that bunny running around the yard.” Now, I pay attention more to those things. Through that, it brings me back to my heart space, realigns me, takes away the stress, grief, and sadness, and helps me to realize that life is a gift. When I realize that life is a gift, I’m not as sad. I’m grateful. Part of my healing journey is being grateful for the blessings that I did have instead of being sad at what I lost. To me, that’s what was a catalyst for getting through.

Thank you for sharing that. The last section of the book that we’re going to cover, because we can’t give it all away. We have to get a little bit of a teaser here. “Nurturing new dreams and letting my heart shine brightly. Learning how to follow new dreams has transformed my heart, mind, body, and soul. It has led me to both love myself more and to reach out to others in ways I have never done before, allowing love and joy to expand in many beautiful ways and bring more light into the world.”

Learning To Love & Trust Yourself After Loss

It’s part of being the brave widow. I have learned that I can step out, I can share my story, I can share love with other people, and that I don’t have to be afraid. I feel like when I lost John, my biggest fear was losing him. After that, I was like, “What do I have to lose but to share love and to share more?” Once I connected with my heart and realized that I can use my heart for a greater purpose and to share it with the world, I started easily connecting with other people and sharing my story, and found that those connections were important to me. I could connect to so many more people because of my story, because I was willing to share it, but they were willing to listen, also. All of a sudden, these connections would come one after the other.

Even to write my book, it’s made up of a bunch of different people who came into my life and changed my life. They helped me to go from being sitting in a puddle, crying, to crawling, to standing, to walking, to running, to enjoying life, and to realize that life is to be enjoyed. Life is a gift. Don’t waste it. I can even hear John saying, “I gave you a good story.” He got sick the day of our son’s wedding, and he died on Valentine’s Day. That’s two bad combinations. Why, John? Why did it have to happen? Now, when I look back and see the blessings of it, I hear him saying, “I gave you a story. Don’t waste it.” It helps because people are like, “If you can get through losing your husband on those days, then I can get through it, too.”

I can give people permission to get through the hardest things that they’re going through because I showed up and was able to do it. I didn’t do it by myself. I had lots of people who helped me and lots of people who were encouraging and supportive in lots of different ways. All of it was, “We’ll help you take the next step. Here’s a little nudge to take another step. Here, how about if you look at things this way?” All of those things made a big difference, and being able to step one step at a time through the hard stuff and into something new.

Every time I also would let go of something that was holding me back or emptied myself of something that I was holding on to, I always gained something better. I always expanded my heart. I always gained a new friend. I always found that there was something better, and the story doesn’t end. We create new chapters. The dream is that we can keep dreaming up new chapters. My book doesn’t just end at the end. It keeps going because I have learned that I can create more dreams, I can meet more people, I can share more stories, I can learn from them, I can grow from them, and they can learn from me. We all keep connecting in new ways. That makes my heart so happy.

I love that. You and I connected through an event with the Brave Widow, and you’ve been part of the Winter Solstice. Can you talk about how widows could benefit from that event and what you’ve learned from that yourself?

I love how Emily set it up to be like, that’s the night where it switches from the daylight hours being the shortest to then it starts switching over to they get a little bit longer and the light gets a little brighter every day from that moment on. It is like grief. It is like death. We hit that point where we’re at the darkest point of our lives, but then we have that chance to switch it over, just like nature. Nature is such a good way to look at things because all the seasons mirror our life, mirror death, and always show us and lead us back to new birth and new life.

That’s what the Winter Solstice event is. It helps us to process what’s hard and sad and dark, but then leads us to the next step, where tomorrow, the light is going to be a little bit brighter. Guess what? We can help each other and support each other to get to that next step and get to the next day after. Pretty soon, we’re back in the springtime, and we can start seeing that there is new life again.

Questions of reflection. Do you feel that learning to love and trust yourself more can transform the challenges of life into a new way of living life with purpose and joy?

Yes, because that was how I was able to look at my broken heart. I said that with a broken heart, I’m stuck in one spot, and I felt like I couldn’t move on. Once I looked at my heart, that if I learned to love and trust myself 100%, that would make me want to love myself and love this life that I’ve been gifted with being in. God has created me and brought me into this world, into this life, and I have a purpose and a reason for being here. If I can share my heart with other people, trust it, and love it 100%, then I can let myself off this leash that I’ve been holding myself on and thinking that I’m living, but I’m not.

All of a sudden, I have an extra way of looking at my life in a new way and sharing my heart with others. I’m not looking at the sadness that happened. I’m looking at the possibility of what can happen when I trust my heart and love myself 100%. It helps me to love and trust other people 100%, too, which has been a big eye-opener and a huge part of my growth in life, and makes me so happy inside.

If a widow is thinking about writing a book, can you share some lessons you’ve learned in your book-writing experience?

The Role Of Writing & Sharing Stories In Healing

I’ve learned that, for one thing, writing anything that comes to us because of our grief helps us to process it. Even if you write down words or scribble on your paper because you’re sad, angry, or frustrated, that’s a start. Get it on paper. It helps you to get it off your body because our bodies hold a lot of grief. When you hold that grief, it’s suppressing and heavy. Once you start letting it on paper and you write it out, you draw it out, or whatever you can do, it starts putting it on paper. You can see it, read it, and say, “This is what I went through. I did this, I survived this, and I got through this.” Even though it’s sometimes sad to read it back, it releases those tears, and it helps your story to process.

I first started writing a blog on Facebook every week and people started responding like, “I never thought of that before,” “I never looked at grief in that way before,” “My sister was sick,” or, “My mom died, and your words consoled me and helped me get through that hard time.” I never thought of that before, how that could be so important. When we write our words, our stories, and what comes up through our vulnerabilities, grief, and loss, it helps other people to be able to process theirs. I think more quickly, the more we share with each other, the faster we can heal from it.

Embracing The Journey Of Grief

You have learned a lot in this journey, Susan. Taking all that you’ve learned and where you are now, if you could have talked to Susan on that Valentine’s Day that John passed, what would you tell her?

I would hug her with as much love as I could give her because I feel that love is the most important thing that we cannot take for granted. Once you lose somebody and you can’t hug them and love them anymore, it’s the hardest thing to have to deal with. I would hug her and say, “I love you. You’re going to get through this, and we’ll do it together.”

That’s amazing. I look forward to hearing the response that people give you from this book. Thank you for sharing a copy with me and allowing me to talk with you about this. I’ve asked you a lot of questions. Any questions for me?

Thanks for one thing. Thank you so much for having me and for sharing my book and part of my story. I appreciate having this opportunity. I would like to say, I feel that it is so neat how you have stepped forward to offer so many chances for widows to be able to connect on these levels, publicly being able to share stories and to be able to talk about our grief so that other people can benefit from it. How did you ever get the idea to do that? What prompted you to get started?

That’s a good question. Thank you. My mother, who is now 81, was interviewed on a podcast about the things that she learned in life. A family member who had lost their spouse reached out to me. When I reached out to her, she had posted about her husband’s birthday, and it was her first birthday. I reached out to her, she called me, and we talked. It started at maybe 9:00 until 1:00 AM, way past my bedtime. When we finished the conversation, I could hear God prompting me, “What are you going to do for the next person?” I was like, “No one’s calling my phone right now. I’m going to bed.” I felt that sense of pressure from God to create a space for people who are by themselves, because the more I talk with other people who were grieving, so many times they’re by themselves.

They don’t feel like anybody cares. They don’t feel like anybody wants to hear what they have to say. My community showed up. My family and friends showed up, and they still show up eight years later. To hear that people were alone and feeling like what Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, which is a register 501(c)(3) set up to support the bereaved, I’ve learned as I’m in the process of reviewing some of my own journals, what I’m doing now in this nonprofit mimics how I have been grieving in my own grief journey.

We support people in three different ways. When people are hurting, they go to social media. They may not be ready to talk to someone, but you want to hear something. We have content across six social media platforms in our weekly podcast. All that information has over 4.3 million views in 111 countries. It tells me that people are listening, that people are hurting, and what we’re sharing is helping people.

The second way we help is with resources. On our website, we have a list of different books in different categories and different mental health professionals that you can connect with. We host a grief support group once a month. On the second Thursday of the month, there is a widower who hosts a men-only grief support group. I host an open grief support group. We have mental health events, and we have a butterfly release ceremony. We have a memorial garden. We have in-person widow events. We’re planning one now for the first weekend in December in Atlanta, Georgia.

Because of the views and being a nonprofit, there’s space for business owners or individuals to sponsor. We have five different levels of sponsorship programs allowing people to come along, support our mission, and then get in front of our viewers because that’s an opportunity that may be a niche market where someone’s looking to connect with that community. Because all of the board members of Widowhood work full time, we do this to volunteer to support the world. We do need each other in our pain.

That’s amazing. You have done so much and not for that long of a time. How long has it been?

My husband passed in 2017. This foundation, Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, was started in 2022.

That blows my mind even more. That’s wonderful. You’re right. That does show how people do need it and want these kinds of things. Not everybody is ready to step forward and talk about it, but like you said, if they can listen, hear, and start processing what it is, that’s how I got started, just listening to people speak in interviews at summits. That’s such a wonderful way to get it out to the public so that they have that opportunity.

There’s going to be a widow who listens to your story, and they’re going to realize, “If Susan wasn’t that outgoing, and she was able to move through this. I can do this too, the messages that people email me or put on the podcast. I want people, when they’re tuning in to this conversation, to feel like they’re the third person in the room that I’m asking a question that they would have asked next. That’s why I have an organic conversation, so it can flow naturally, and people can know that someone cares, and you’re sharing from your heart.

I love that, Tina. It’s wonderful how you do it.

Thank you. I want to say one thing, and then I would like for you to wrap up this conversation with the closing comments. I want to say thank you to everyone who viewed this podcast. I am sorry for the person that you have lost, who has driven you to this conversation. I am so glad that you found us, and you’re here. I look forward to speaking with you.

Thanks for having me. I think the last thing I would love to share is, more than anything, make sure you love yourself through all of this that you’re going through. It’s a hard thing for us sometimes to love ourselves. When you can love yourself from the inside out, and you’re not worrying about something on the outside that’s making you happy or feel loved, then your heart can heal. It can get complete again, and it can help you to be able to step out and share it with other people. You will be so rewarded as you do that, because people are so open to love. It’s what keeps me going.

Thank you so much, Susan.

Important Links

• Susan Peters
• Susan Peters on Facebook
• @Susan_Peters_Author on Instagram
• Brave Widow
• The Miracle of Marrying My Heart
• Brave Widow | 034: Sue Peters Love, Gratitude, and Service

About Susan Peters

Susan Peters is a first-time author and coauthor of three Amazon bestselling books in eight months in 2024:

The Miracle of Marrying My Heart: A Journey of Discovering New Dreams After Loss

Manifesting Magical Moments: Embrace the Extraordinary in Everyday Life

Breath of Gold: Stories of Healing and Awakening Through Breathwork

After the unexpected and devastating loss of her beloved husband, John, Susan began a transformational journey of the heart to move through her grief. She discovered how creating new dreams helped bring her heart back into wholeness and authentic connection, allowing her to embrace the fullness of life. She hopes to inspire others to reconnect more deeply with their own hearts after loss, thus giving them a chance to discover their new identity by opening up to the possibility of new dreams so they will be able to live out their authentic purpose. She is in love with the life she has chosen and truly believes that connecting into the depths of our hearts and with each other will transform the world. Susan is the creator of the “Heart to Heart Connections” Summit, “The Dreams After Loss” book reflection group, and is a grief facilitator/mentor/guide.