Setting healthy boundaries should never restrict you from living your best life, but protect you from getting hurt by external forces out of your control. Author and speaker Regina Hiremath experienced a rough childhood and got into an unhappy marriage, but she handled the wounds of her journey by doing the inner work and creating boundaries in the right places. She shares how overcoming her fear of public speaking and undergoing a self-discovery allowed her to share her story of trauma, domestic violence, and divorce to the world. Regina also explains how to find your own “onesome” and learn to ride the huge waves of life’s challenges.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.  

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World.

—

Watch the episode here

Listen to the podcast here

The Power Of Setting Healthy Boundaries With Regina Hiremath

What happens when you don’t feel like you’re enough as an individual? What happens when your confidence has been snatched? What happens when you lay down boundaries and you realize it’s protection and not restriction? These are the questions and more that we’re going to learn from our conversation with Regina. Let’s get into this episode now.

Regina, welcome to the Widowhood.

Thank you so much for having me on, Tina.

When you hear that, if I were to see the ticker tape in your head, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” what would be the backstory that you would not have wanted to tell me? Especially reaching out and the whole idea of the Widowhood, what were you thinking or thinking now about that concept?

Widowhood typically means a sisterhood of people who have lost a spouse, and someone has died. I feel like I lost a spouse. For a period of time, I died, but I came back to life.

What It Feels Like To Share Your Story Of Grief To The World

Thank you for making that correlation. The idea is that in grief, we experience very similar paths when we’re going through grief. Understanding my community is based on people who have experienced a profound loss of a spouse who will not come back. What I have spoken to people, in the world, resilient or people enduring harsh experiences, it is some of those same building blocks that we use to be able to figure out why I want to keep living after experiencing X, Y, Z. What motivated you to finally say yes to sharing your story publicly? How did it feel the first time you did?

As I was going through my divorce, I started a divorce blog because my journal writings were very therapeutic and cathartic for me. Therefore, I started Alimonia Life, the divorce blog. After doing that for some time, I realized that I wanted to have a greater impact. For me to do that, I was going to have to speak, but there was a big hurdle between me and speaking because of my past. I had a lifelong fear of public speaking. I had to really work hard to overcome the fear of public speaking to get out there, to put a face and a voice to the story that I was sharing.

You described your book, Lessons On The Way To Onesome, as more than a domestic violence story. It’s about overcoming adversity. When we had our pre-show conversation, it was important for that to resonate. When I thought about it, sometimes, we can get so lost in our pain, which deserves its recognition. It deserves saying, “This is why I’m here.” I believe the goal is to live more of our lives outside of that painful experience, on how to leverage it to live.

That’s why I knew it was important for you to share your journey, because there are also people in my community who have suffered through domestic violence. That has compounded their grief because people can hardly listen to one thing we’ve experienced that’s difficult, let alone to hear the person who is now deceased. They lived in the pain of their hand for so many years, but never said anything. They never articulate it. Going back to you actually sharing your story, how did it feel inside to finally say it out?

I can remember when that first occurred. I had been writing for some time and made the decision to step out and use my face and voice. Shortly after, I said, “Yes. I’m saying yes to using my voice to help others.” I was asked to speak at an abuse symposium. After I agreed to it, I went home, and it hit me. “You’re going to speak. You said yes, and you have a lot of work to do to be prepared. You’re capable of doing that, but it’s happening. What you’ve spoken to existence is happening now.” I remember the months leading up to it. I remember being directed to read a book that someone handed me one day. It sat on my nightstand for months.

I picked it up prior to this event and discovered that this was a person sharing their story of domestic violence. In that moment, I knew why this book had been handed to me and why it sat on my nightstand. That particular moment I picked it up was completely to prepare me for speaking about coming out and sharing my story, which I had never done before. Everything that happened that day, I attribute to preparation, passion, and purpose aligning. For me, when those three things come together, I’m moving in my element. All of the fears and things that used to choke me up and have me stumbling and fumbling over my words prior to that moment have been released. I flowed in purpose. For that, I’m grateful.

It’s interesting how a book can sit in close proximity to you, but you don’t see it until it’s time.

It is because there is a divine order in our lives. I believe that everything lines up at the correct time for us to be prepared, no matter what, only when we say yes.

Remove Your Mask And Live In True Freedom

What truths are moments captured that are different or best in the book? Sometimes, you start writing a book, and you think you’re going to come to this, but something else will elevate from that.

One of the most profound things that happened to me during the time that I was writing the book was that, from the beginning of writing the book, I was writing from a very shallow and surface perspective. As I continued to write, it became clear to me that I was going to have to pull back. For me to get the maximum benefit of writing this book, I had to free my mind and free myself from the things in my past. I couldn’t write from the surface because it wasn’t going to go deep enough.

For me to receive the benefits of sharing my story, and then to further that, being able to help release other people, I needed to go to a depth that I had never gone to before. That meant stripping up every single layer of my past, examining it, and understanding how it impacted the decisions that I made in my life. Until we can remove the shield and the mask from things that we have built up, the purpose of hiding and masking our deep wounds and things that we’ve been through, until we can dismantle that, we will continue to live from that perspective.

We will be masking, being untruthful with ourselves, and being untruthful with the people in our lives. For us to move forward past anything that has been an impediment to us, it must be removed. I can’t tell you the amount of tears and practically tearing my desk apart that it took for me to get to that depth, but I am grateful that I took that journey and allowed myself to be open to a space of healing.

Masks can seem like a safe space. Masks can seem like I’m hiding from other people. I’m surely not hiding from myself. Why would you say that it is the self-work versus what we’re covering up for the exterior?

It is because we build a shield of protection for the outside world, all the while we’re deceiving ourselves about why we do certain things, why we’ve done things a certain way, and why we’re operating under these circumstances. We’re not being truthful with ourselves. To live in true freedom in life, we have to be first and foremost authentic and transparent with ourselves. Until we can do that, we can’t be that with another person.

Regina’s Work As A Board Member For Domestic Violence Organizations

Has your role as a board member for domestic violence organizations deepened or changed your understanding of healing?

It has deepened my understanding of my past. It has given me an understanding of what other people are going through and what their needs are. It has improved my life in terms of the fact that I’m now living a life of advocacy. What is a better turn of events than for you to take something that you didn’t necessarily choose, it was handed to you, and then to turn it into an amazing opportunity that not only continuously helps you to heal, but reaches back and lends a hand to someone else?

We are both doing that in different spaces, you and I. Do you connect with other people who are like-minded to that extent?

Absolutely. Working with Confronting Domestic Violence has put me in touch with other survivors. Though our stories are different, they are similar. It allows us to understand each other because I’ve discovered a sisterhood. We have lots of similarities, and I love that. I love having people who I work with who understand what I’ve been through. I understand what they’ve been through. We have a common goal of supporting and helping other people. It puts me in touch with others because I’m also not just a board member, but I’m the Head of Community Relations. It allows me to connect with partners in the community as well. I love that.

Speaking of connection, you have something amazing going on soon, an event that you spoke about. Can you share a little bit about that? The book is one thing, but you’re living this out in a full circle. When someone reads this book, I want them to understand the person who is behind this book. When they read it, it’s like, “My story does not stop here. This may have been a part of my story, but my trauma is not everything about me. There’s so much more.”

I want to say this as a caveat. This is not being said to go through your things so you can do this to help other people, but go through your experience for you. If it evolves to helping other people, then that’s an extra caveat, but don’t be so focused just on trying to get through this because there’s so much in that process. There’s so much for your own personal healing if you have endured domestic violence. I want to make that clear because sometimes, people can be like, “I’m going to turn my pain into purpose.” That may not be what’s supposed to happen from your journey. This is what has happened with yours. Does that make sense?

Absolutely. I received the most amazing email. A couple of hours later, I had a meeting. The organization is always looking to partner with other organizations, shelters, or centers in the community. I had reached out to a nationally known product line company, requesting that they donate items for a holiday event that they were going to do with one of the local domestic violence centers. Before I met with the center, I got an email back from this national company that is going to sponsor the products. It’s so exciting to me because I have a bottle in my bathroom and reach out to them. They’re willing to come through for us, but not just for us, but for these amazing women and families who need items.

I remember speaking with another survivor who shared with me that when she went to a shelter, she was given a small bag of toiletries. She said that, having walked away from everything, that little bag gave her so much hope and joy. I took that story. I ran back to our founder and shared the story with her, and how we have to provide this little itty bitty bag of hope to the women within our community. We discovered there’s a big company right here in the city. I live in the area where I live and reached out to them. They’re going to donate. That’s amazing.

Developing Healthy Boundaries To Unlock A Better Life

It is so amazing because of her having to walk away from so much. Someone would think, “What’s that little bag?” It’s that new beginning or that start. Somebody cared. Someone took the time to take all those items, put them in this package, and make that look nice because someone you may have never met on the other side cared enough to let you know that you are not alone. You talk about childhood trauma, abuse, and a long marriage that left deep marks. Which stages of that tested your faith or identity the most?

I would have to say probably during the marriage because as a child, you are going through these things, and you don’t have the capacity to understand what it is that’s happening to you. As an adult, being married and then subsequently having children, I could fully see what I was going through. That made it so much more difficult because of my understanding and my desire to be out of that situation. Knowing that there was a huge mountain that I would have to climb to get out of the situation, I would have to say my marriage was the most difficult period.

I love that in the idea, I ask people what they don’t want to talk about. Sometimes, people say, “I’m an open book. I want to talk about everything.” Sometimes, I’m having the conversation, and I start seeing the roadblocks come up. I’m like, “Pivot, Tina.” You were very clear to say, “We’re not going to talk about the children, and we’re not going to talk about dating.” When did you start developing boundaries for yourself? How have they helped you to be clear with what your boundaries are?

I remember when I was doing the divorce blog, at one point, I hired a consultant. We were going from top to bottom on how we were going to do things. She had made some suggestions. During one of our calls, she said to me, “You need to have your non-negotiables.” I never thought about that because I’m an open book. I also realized that in being an open book and sharing so much of my story, what I’ve been through, and what I’m doing, it’s like a whole life on me. I needed to have something sacred to me. I needed something to hold back, something that was precious to me that I kept for myself.

In boundaries and other areas of life, did that evolve to say, “I can say no?” What did that look like for you? Was that the initiation of you starting to create boundaries? Has it expanded to other areas of your life?

Absolutely. It taught me the importance of setting boundaries, that it’s not a restriction, but it’s a protection. I have since set boundaries with individuals who no longer align with what I’m doing and where I’m going. I have family members with whom I am no longer in contact. I would love to revisit that, given some change in perspective and some conversations around what that would look like. I’m in complete peace regarding that because my boundaries are set for protection. If I’m going to be out there and fighting the fight, not only for myself, but for others, then I do need to have protection.

I like that, protection, not restriction, because people look at boundaries that way. Oftentimes, when you connect with somebody and say, “I need to protect my boundaries,” they feel put off. That’s great to be able to have a voice and to be able to know, “That does not work for me. Why should I not be able to articulate that?“

I can remember early on, I had a friend who had clear boundaries. This was when I didn’t even know how to spell boundary. I felt rejected at times. As time went on, I began to understand that she valued herself and her space. She knew what she could or could not do. That was attractive to me. I could respect that.

How Regina’s Grandmother Shaped Her Identity

You often talk about your grandmother’s influence. How does she still guide you today?

My grandmother was my first love. My parents were incapable of raising me. As young as I can remember, she was that love and light for me. I realized as I was writing the book that my entire life, I had been chasing after that level of love and care that she extended to me. She passed away when I was in first grade. What I can remember is the mind of a seven-year-old, but I remember feeling very loved and cared for. She was a seamstress for a department store. She made my clothes.

I remember it was a white embroidered material that she got. She made me this amazing swimsuit. I think I was in kindergarten. I remember prancing around in my little swimsuit. When I was writing the book, and I was telling this story, I jumped up. I ran to my closet. I pulled out this outfit that I bought a couple of years ago. It’s a nice little top and shorts, white embroidered. I never even connected the dots until I wrote that in my book, that I was very drawn to that outfit, or the reason behind my being drawn to that outfit. Every time I wear that outfit now, I feel like Grandma’s girl.

How are the choices or the decisions you make in your life guided by your grandmother?

Does it align with that level of love, respect, and care? Does this person or this situation fall in alignment with that? Do I feel loved? Do I feel secure? Do I feel protected? Do I feel safe? If not, boundaries. I’m good.

How Parents Should Provide Love, Protection, And Safety To Children

At what age should a young man or young woman start learning if they feel safe, protected, and loved in a relationship, platonic or romantic?

It starts at birth. As parents, it is our responsibility to provide love, protection, and safety for our children and to teach them why I’m doing this with or for you. It is because I love you. I value you. To teach them as they’re coming into as young children when they’re having their relationships with their friends, and we see somebody doing something to them, sitting them down, and talking to them, “How did that make you feel when so-and-so did this to you? What do you think you should do about that?” Teaching our kids emotional intelligence and self-respect all comes from us as parents. I didn’t get that after my grandmother passed away. I got everything, but after leaving my marriage, I had to put those pieces of my life in place because those are vital components of life. It’s best when we learn them young.

For the person who is parenting and does not know how to spell boundaries, but they’re reading this conversation, they’re reflecting, “I was abused. I need boundaries. I’m looking at my children. How do I prevent this from being a cycle that’s repeated?” Do you have any recommendations for them?

One of the best things that I did and that anyone else can do is to find a therapist who suits your needs, not somebody who agrees with you and makes you feel good. Therapy is not about feeling good and being happy. It’s about tearing back the layers of life and things that you’ve been through and creating the tools to allow you to live a more rounded and peaceful existence. That includes learning about boundaries, learning about your emotions, and learning about your triggers. We need professional help. You need professional help to get to that space of being able to advocate for ourselves.

What Does It Mean To Have Onesome

I have a signed copy of Lessons On The Way To Onesome: A Journey of Healing and Self-Discovery Through Divorce. What does it mean to have onesome?

Onesome means being at peace with yourself, feeling whole, and doing the work to remove anything that doesn’t allow you that space within yourself where you are comfortable being you. You can be comfortable with anybody if you’re comfortable with yourself. Until you reach that point of being comfortable with yourself as you are, it’s going to be a struggle.

As you are, that is that moment. I know for women, it’s always, “What’s my dress size?”

It is, “When I.”

Right now, this moment that I’m in, I’m enough. I am complete. I am going to read something from Chapter Two. There’s a picture of this cute little girl here. I know when we write, it seems like one thing, but I want you to share what it feels like for you now, hearing it. “Our past shapes us, but it doesn’t have to define us. We hold the pen to our own story. Chapter Two: How I Got Here.” I wear Invisaligns. People know that. My mouth is not always my friend. I apologize.

“Statistically speaking, I’m not supposed to be here. My childhood was plagued with trauma, and then my childhood was plagued with more trauma than anyone could have ever imagined. God allowed me to survive. Not only have I survived, but I have also extracted the lesson, and I’m living in a life that not even I expected. It’s not because I’m rich, but because my life is rich, beyond anything that I could have ever envisioned for myself.”

As I was writing the book, and I look back on the trauma that I suffered in childhood, how I came into early adulthood terribly scarred, and how I left myself open to harmful situations and relationships, I was not supposed to be at this stage of my life where I’m a business owner, a mother of three, an author, a speaker, a life coach, a blogger, an executive board member for domestic violence organization, and a travel agent. Those things were not supposed to happen to me. If I think back on that time in childhood, I thought I’d be a secretary at best. My other friends were dreaming of bigger and better things, but I’m more than grateful for being able to extract the lessons from the situations that occurred to me and utilize them not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of others.

I’m going to read another section of the book. Thank you. “When I initiated the divorce, I was so over it. All the struggle to maintain the marriage was done. It felt like the right thing to do because I knew that there was no fight left in me. I could relinquish my thoughts of it. What if I had given everything I had for 23 years? You cannot push a stalled car for any distance of your own. I was initiating my journey to onesome. It’s not the end of the road. Divorce is a flat tire on the road of life. Assess it, address it, and press on.”

Society has created this mindset around divorce. There’s the stigma that if you’re no longer married, if you’re not like the others, then you are broken and you need to be discarded. I certainly wanted to shift my mindset around that. I’m working diligently daily to help change the narrative of what people think about divorcees. I set myself free to be free. What would be the purpose of leaving my marriage, untangling myself and becoming free, only then to be entangled with mindsets of my own or other people, who didn’t allow me the freedom that I deserved? Pointless. I might as well have stayed in my marriage.

When did the word onesome become so important to you?

I remember when I started to write the book. I picked up my laptop one day and started writing. The process of writing the book took me about a year. The entire time that I was writing, I was waiting for this title to come. I thought, “It’ll come to me early on.” I kept going. I kept saying, “When’s the title coming?” As you know, throughout the book, there were times that I asked God for clarification about why You want me to write this book. I was also asking for the title of the book.

I was sitting here at my desk one day. I was writing. It dropped in one day, Lessons On The Way To Onesome. Anytime I’m doing something, I want to create a title that sparks thought. I don’t want to use common words. My divorce blog is Alimonia Life. It’s a play on alimony. I have a creative mind. I am a creative. When it finally came, I was very pleased with it because it fit the bill of what it was that I wanted the title to express what I believe this book was about, and having a different title or word for that.

How To Console People In Their Grieving Journey

“Consoling My Friends and Family. As if it wasn’t enough, as I realized that the marriage of 23 years was coming to an end, I now had to console my friends and family as I informed them. I was surprised at the number of people who cried and needed an explanation. I couldn’t help but wonder. Is this happening? I get it that people thought we were the perfect example of marriage because I did an excellent job of hiding my unhappiness. They were heartbroken. I did not know how to deal with it. My heart was broken. I was trying to help them feel better about my life upending.”

This is such a common thing that widows or widowers find themselves doing. You see a random person you haven’t seen in two years. They’re going, “How is Mark doing?” “He died.” Some days, you may feel like dropping a bomb and keep moving, or some days, you want to sit there. The way you explained that, I could take my situation of my husband dying, thinking, “I have to console you about the situation?” When you hear this now, what do you remember about those moments?

I remember thinking that, as a society, sometimes, we lack true empathy. Sometimes, we lack wisdom or knowledge around the way that we communicate with people who are going through traumatic experiences. We often feel as if when we hear about someone’s divorce or somebody’s spouse or loved one passing away, that we are traumatized and that we need to go to this person so they can help us feel better about how we’re processing what’s going on, without giving any thought to how I can best support this person. Sometimes, people don’t know how to respond or what to say. I want to encourage people that when something traumatic happens to someone in your circle, sometimes, the best thing to say is nothing other than, “I’m here. I love you. I support you.” Isn’t that enough?

It’s not fixable. I feel like if I were to add something, people feel as if they want to come in and rescue you from the situation. It’s awkward when people are upset and crying, and they’re trying to fix it. It’s not fixable. What I do need to know is that you love me in my onesome. You can be there with me and make promises you can keep, and do that.

Hold my hand.

No One Is Promised Of A Stress-Free Life

Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about it. You compared your life journey to the story of Joseph, someone who suffered yet was later positioned to help others. How does that spiritually shape how you view pain now?

I remember that day clearly. I was getting ready to get in the shower. I’ve been asking God, “Why me? Why this book? Why now?” I got one word, Joseph. I went and got my Spirit-Filled Life Bible. I did a study, but I got the Spirit-Filled Life because I believe that is the one that has the best translation, the side notes, and everything. I wanted to do a deep dive on it and understand the story of Joseph. I don’t know if you remember those. As a kid, I had the blue Bible storybooks. It was a series of them. I remember from that perspective, but I wanted to see it from 360 degrees. I want to see all the way around the story of Joseph.

It was when I was doing that study that I began to understand that none of us are promised a stress-free life unless we don’t make it past day one. We are going to have conflicts, challenges, issues, and traumas. The best thing that we can do is put those situations into perspective and gain insight and wisdom from them, place them in our pocket, and continue on this journey. You may face that challenge again, but the best help and understanding that you’ll have is to have gained the lessons from the last time you faced that, a loss, disappointment, or whatever the case may be. Take what you have learned and allow that to walk you through these experiences in life.

I’m so grateful for the book because I have found myself in lots of situations since then that I have been able to take a deep breath, collect my thoughts, think through the lessons that I have learned, apply them, and move on. Life is a series of challenges, circumstances, choices, and consequences. It’s that simple.

For the person who ordered the carefree life package, where there’s no trouble, and they’re now mad at God because they did not get the version that they ordered, what would you say to them?

You are misguided if you thought that you would not have any challenges in life. Who are we if we think that we are any better than Jesus, who faced the cross? Who are we if we think that we shouldn’t have any challenges or any conflicts? Life is best lived when you learn how to maneuver through these situations. I remember one time thinking about how the ocean is big and vast. If you’ve ever been on a cruise ship or a large ship, you’re out there as big as that ship is. When those waves come, that ship moves. Waves are very powerful. When you see these surfers, boats, or anything in the water, they’re not trying to change the wave. They’re going with it. The faster we learn how to go with the wave instead of trying to change the wave, the better off we’re going to be.

Valuable Tips For Self-Publishing Authors

A question from the self-publisher person that you are. What lessons did you learn from self-publishing through Amazon KDP and handling your own book launch?

Go get a consultant.

If you did it over, you’d do it differently.

I had never done it before. Prior to writing my blog, I was not a writer. I did not know this world. I’m such a student of life. I had a vendor’s table at a women’s empowerment conference. All week, I had been struggling to try to get there. Different things were happening. The last couple of days, I got everything worked out, and I was able to go. I felt led to be there. I’m so grateful that I got there because when I did, one of the speakers had written four or five books. She approached my table. We talked. She gave me her card.

I came home. I felt compelled to reach out to her, which I did. “I’m writing this book. Do you have any guidance or information to give me?” “I’m a consultant. Why don’t we set up a meeting?” It went from there. I ended up hiring her. She was not only my consultant. She was my friend. The moments when I cried and called her, and she was in a different time zone, she took the call and walked me through some of the most challenging moments of writing this book. I’m so grateful that I got to that woman’s empowerment event.

To this day, this woman is my sister, my friend, and my covering. We’re meeting up. We’ve cleared our schedules. We’re getting together and having some sister time. I’m a student of life. I understand when I’m being directed to do something. That’s one of the things that we need to learn how to do. When you’re being guided in a way, when someone keeps coming to your mind, and when you’re supposed to go somewhere, do that thing. Don’t question it. Don’t doubt it. You’re being guided. Everything is lining up for you to be somewhere, to call someone, and to do something. Be obedient. Move in and on purpose.

What do you hope the readers carry away after finishing Lessons On The Way To Onesome?

What I have learned, not only myself, but from people who have written reviews or reached out to me, who have read the book, is that because my story is so varied, there are so many things that I talk about, so many things that I experience, and so many things that I learned and I shared, that everyone took something different. It meant something different to them. It moved them into action in different ways, men and women. I wasn’t expecting the men to come back and tell me some of the things that they told me. There are so many varied reactions to the book that all boil down to, “I need to be better.” If that happens for people, I’m more than satisfied. If people read Lessons On The Way To Onesome and feel that it inspired them to move into a better life, I’m happy.

What is next for you, personally, spiritually, or creatively, since you are a creative?

Next, I am actually writing a workbook that goes with Onesome. I’ve been asked to teach a workshop. I’ve also been asked to do a destination retreat. That workbook is very important. I’m taking some time to process what that looks like. I’ve already started it, and then I stopped because I wanted to let it marinate. I wanted to let it marinate because I want it to be right, but I feel like it’s time for me to get back into it and to work on it. I’m also hoping to do more speaking and not necessarily about domestic violence. I’m leaning more toward motivational speaking. I’m getting calls and emails about some of those types of opportunities. As I said, I move in the vein of where I’m being directed. I don’t worry about where I land, so long as I have everything I need and get there.

How To Navigate The Waves Of Life

Thank you so much for this conversation. I try to do something a little different, where I allow my guests to become the host and see if they have a question or two for me.

With your journey that you’ve been on, what is the one thing that you find most beneficial that you could share with the audience?

You had a question prepared. I noticed that. She had that right off the cuff. She was prepared. I will say this. Life is going to be hard. You are going to experience some things that are going to take your breath away. They will make you sit back and go, “I did not see this coming.” It’s not because you did something wrong. It’s not because the universe is attacking you. Life has its waves of water, the experiences that we go through.

I have not been on the other side of life to be able to explain to you why you will go through difficulties. As sure as you are alive, you are going to go through some hard spots. You’re going to need to know what’s going to ground you. You’re going to need to know where you’re going to land, what your resource will be, and what your steady will be, because it will feel like everything shifts from underneath you.

For me, it is my faith in God. For somebody else, it may be something else. The thing that people say I’m practicing my faith is because when it’s go time, when it’s game time, when life is hitting you, if those practices have not become the things that learn to sustain you, you will find yourself reaching for other different things that will mask, that will hide, but that will not allow you to heal, learn, and then continue to grow and experience a life.

It’s going to be hard, and it’s okay. Where do we go from there? You can spend as much time crying, evaluating why it got to be this hard, and what I want to learn from this. I took off work three months before I went back to work. I was thinking, “I don’t know if I can do this.” It’s okay to wonder those things. It’s okay to not even be able to do it sometimes. At some point in time, for me, I had to decide, do I want to stay here, or do I want to be someplace else? Leaning into the way, the problem, and the situation, for me, has been the only way to come out on the other side, only to hold my breath for the next wave, and to be able to go and do, but to continue that.

That’s beautiful.

Get In Touch With Regina

Thank you. I would like you to share how they can contact you, your website, email address, where to purchase your book, and any closing comments you would like to provide.

My website, AlimoniaLife.com, is where you’ll find my blog. You’ll see what I’m doing. The book is there, Lessons On The Way To Onesome. It’s also available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible, as well as on my site. I’m on social media under Lessons On The Way To Onesome or @OnesomeBook on Instagram.

Any closing comments?

I would like to share that for the majority of my life, I struggled with so much trauma and adversity. It was after I left my marriage, and I was on my own, that I realized that the very same strength that carried me through multiple traumas in my childhood ended up being the same strength that I called upon to rescue myself. I rescued myself in childhood many times, covered myself, saved myself, and protected myself as best as I could.

That was the very same strength that I used to walk away, to create this beautiful thing that I call life, and the strength that I call upon every day when I’m faced with challenges on how to get from one second to the minute, from the minute to the hour, from the hour to the day. I am eternally grateful for the fact that I recognize that same strength. We just forget how powerful we are.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me.

Important Links

• Regina Hiremath
• Regina Hiremath on LinkedIn
• Regina Hiremath on Facebook
• Alimonia Life
• Lessons On The Way To Onesome – on Amazon (Paperback)
• Lessons On the Way to Onesome – on Amazon (Audible Audiobook)
• Lessons On The Way To Onesome on Instagram
• Confronting Domestic Violence
• Spirit-Filled Life Bible

About Regina Hiremath

Regina Hiremath is an author, speaker, and advocate dedicated to helping survivors reclaim their power and purpose after abuse. As the author of Lessons on the Way to Onesome, Regina draws from her own experience surviving child abuse and a 23-year marriage marked by narcissistic abuse to inspire others on their journey to healing and self-discovery.

She is the founder of Alimonialife.com and a board member of Confronting Domestic Violence, where she works to raise awareness, provide resources to victims, and support families in transition.

A mother of three and business owner, Regina also leads a private community for people navigating divorce and recovery. Her voice is one of resilience, self-worth, and transformation — reminding others that even after brokenness, a beautiful life can be rebuilt.