Most people often consider getting end of life care once they have exhausted all other options – but that is when it is all too late. Tina Fornwald sits down with Cylon George, who shares about his work as a seasoned hospice chaplain who bridges clinical support and soulful connection. He dispels different misconceptions about hospice care and emphasizes why conversations about it should not feel dreadful. Chaplain George also explains how to handle the guilt and emotional burden often associated with caregiving, allowing them to live fulfilling lives while ensuring the betterment of other people’s lives.

I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others.  

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World.

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The Reality Of End Of Life Care With Chaplain Cylon George

Chaplain George, welcome to Widowhood. 

Dr. Tina, thank you for having me.

Thank you for being in the Widowhood. If we were to see a ticker tape, what’s going on in your head, what would be the backstory? 

Do you mean what I think of when I hear widowhood?

Yes, or being in this space a widowhood show. 

I’m thinking of a community of people who have been through loss and grief, and people who want to be in community with one another, reaching out, especially in a culture that is silent about these things, like grief and knowing how to navigate grief. I see the community as brave souls raising their hands, saying, “I want to talk about this. I want to connect with people who are going through a similar experience.” I imagine it’s men and women. It’s an honor to be asked to speak, contribute, and offer my insights and thoughts. 

How George Became A Hospice Chaplain

Thank you. You pretty much nailed it. When I thought about this organization, that is what I wanted to create because people are silent. It is a moment when they need people the most. To be able to raise your hand and be given permission and validated about your feelings is important. Before we start talking about the hospice, how did you become Chaplain George? What was the road to that? 

It’s a long road, but I will try to make it as succinct as possible. I was raised Catholic. I’m from the islands. I’m not originally from the US. You’ll probably notice an accent at times. I also stutter. I’ll be upfront about that. If you hear stumbling, that’s why. I grew up on the little Island of Trinidad and Tobago. I grew up Catholic. I felt a call to the priesthood very early in my life. It was something I wrestled with and pushed away. Long story short, I started seminary studies, but I did not complete those studies. 

I met my wife, got married, and had children, but I continued my theological education and got my master’s in Theology. I knew when I was getting my degree that I did not want to work in the hospital. I knew that I wanted to work with young people. I wanted to be in the college setting. I loved being in the college setting. When I got my Master’s, I immediately went and got a job working as a college chaplain. I did that for five years.

I transitioned out of that into a new opportunity, something very different from chaplaincy. I stepped out of my calling. I didn’t last a year in that setting. I ended up losing that job. It felt like God was saying, “No, I need you back here in this space.” By that time, I had grown and matured in my own spirituality, my own spiritual walk. My wife had said to me, “Maybe you might want to consider the hospital now.”

That opened my mind to going into the setting that I was initially resisting, and thinking, “I don’t want to do that.” One thing led to another that led to hospice, which was something I was only vaguely aware of. When I heard about it, I thought, “I might be ready for this kind of work.” It was an instinct. I had no idea. Once I got the job, it felt right from the very start. I’ve been a hospice chaplain for many years. 

Thank you. A couple of questions that come to mind. You mentioned originally thinking about going into being a priest. If I understand that correctly, in the methodology that you’re looking at, one could not be married in that role.

That’s right.

Do you feel being married gives you a better opportunity to support people in totality than not being married? If so, how?

Being married is very much integral to how I do this work. As you may know, marriage is not easy. There is so much that goes into making marriage work and giving of yourself to another. Also being able to compromise and to have conversations. Sometimes difficult conversations with your spouse in that intimate setting. Many of the people I serve are married couples. They are people who have been together for many years.

It’s interesting. A lot of what I learn from them informs me and helps me in my own marriage and my own relationships. I feel very humbled because I don’t feel like I’m offering a lot out of my experience. It’s because a lot of these people have been married way longer than I have. Being able to have that common experience though allows us to have a conversation that feels more authentic.

I can understand when they say, “My marriage wasn’t perfect. This thing happened in my marriage.” I can meet them where they are because I have some experience of what that might feel like. Even though my experience would be different from theirs. In many ways, it’s allowed me to have more authentic connections with people. I’m not going to say that a priest who is celibate can’t have that. 

From my perspective, it’s helped me to be able to connect with people on a number of levels, in terms of relationships and navigating relationships. Even outside the context of marriage, just navigating very intimate relationships and dealing with difficult, challenging things, and how it can affect the relationships.

Thank you. When someone hears the word chaplain, what is it that you would like them to think of when they think of a chaplain?

What I would like people to know, first and foremost, is that a chaplain is not a pastor. I know I’m starting with a negative. The reason why is that immediately what comes to people’s minds when they hear chaplain is pastor. People often call me pastor. They use those terms interchangeably. I would say the first thing is to know that there is a difference between a chaplain and a pastor.

Hopefully, there’ll be some curiosity into, “What exactly is a chaplain?” The best way I can think of it is a person who represents. Often, they come out of their own tradition. It could be religious or not. A chaplain can be a Catholic chaplain, a Methodist chaplain, a Jewish chaplain, or a Muslim chaplain. They are people who are called out of their own communities to serve the wider community, to serve the secular world.

There are secular chaplains as well. There are atheist chaplains as well as humanist chaplains. They are coming out of their own context to serve the wider world. The work of a chaplain has some distinct differences from the work of a pastor who is serving their own flock and the needs of that flock. I wouldn’t say it’s narrow, but a very focused effort in terms of leading that group. Whereas a chaplain is there to just meet the needs of the wider community. A lot of that starts with human connection, listening, presence, and things that we often think are not very important, but it starts there.

The chaplain can obviously serve in certain ways. If a person wants a more religious experience with a chaplain, then they can have that. The chaplain isn’t there to convert anyone or to make them believe certain things. It’s to be present with someone and to help them bring out their own inner wisdom in a way that helps them with their own challenges. It’s witnessing to their own inner light because every light needs a witness. We serve as witnesses who sit. We don’t run away from the hard conversations.

This may dovetail with marriage very well because it’s not as easy to run away from a marriage. You could do that, but it takes a little bit of work. You have to untangle in a way that is much more difficult than if you were just dating someone. We don’t run away from the hard conversations or from sitting with someone who shared something that was difficult, and we don’t know what to say. Sometimes, silence is what’s needed in those moments. We have a hard time doing that. I would say those two things in a nutshell. 

Common Misconceptions About A Hospice Chaplain

Thank you. Let’s go a little bit deeper as regards to a hospice chaplain. What are some of the misconceptions when it comes to hospice chaplains or hospice in itself? 

That’s a two-part question. Starting with the hospice chaplain, a lot of the misconceptions, as I mentioned, are around, “This person is not for me because this person is a pastor.” The immediate connection is a Christian pastor. There is a sense of a Christian pastor. This is the image I get. People think of a Christian pastor who comes in with the Bible. Who will open the Bible, read it to someone, and preach at them, whether they want to hear what is being said or not.

That is one of the most common misconceptions that causes a person to think a chaplain isn’t for them. The other one that I encounter a lot is people saying, whether they’re religious or not, “Thank you for calling.” We do reach out. Every member of the team reaches out to the patient and family when a person comes to hospice. It can be very overwhelming. We understand that. We all have to make phone calls. We all have to call them. Oftentimes, they’re being bombarded. It can be overwhelming for families.

I try my best to be as compassionate and as gentle as possible. Sometimes, on those initial phone calls, someone may say, “Thank you for calling. I would love to engage your service, but I’m not ready yet.” Usually, what it is, is, “I’m not dying yet. I’m not on my deathbed. I’m not drawing my last breath. Why don’t we hold off on that? I’m not quite ready to think about taking my last breath.” A lot of that has to do with the idea of last rites. Most people are familiar with that, even non-Catholic, secular people. This has been in the culture.

It’s the idea of a priest coming to the bedside and anointing somebody who is taking their last breaths. That is an image that comes to people’s minds when they think, “When the chaplain shows up, it means I’m dying.” People will hold off on having a chaplain come early on. That’s a misconception. In terms of hospice overall, there are many misconceptions. Probably some of the biggest ones relate to what I said. People often turn to hospice after they have exhausted every other option, which is fine. That’s a very natural thing to do.

What often happens is that there would be waiting until a person is close to dying before they face the fact that they are dying, and maybe it’s time to turn to hospice. Often, by that time, they are already dying. Hospice isn’t able to be as useful to them and to their families. When they come, we will do whatever we can to bring comfort, but it’s not the way hospice is supposed to function. Hospice is supposed to help people through the dying process.

Part of what makes someone qualify for hospice is a determination made by their doctor that they have six months or less to live. We’re talking many months. Nobody has a crystal ball. It’s in that person’s best judgment. We have people who have been in hospice for a year or 2 years or sometimes 3 years. As long as we can demonstrate that person continues to be appropriate for hospice and that they are in fact dying. Which is a very slow process and common. They then can get all the support. That’s where it functions best.

Why You Should Not Be Afraid Of Hospice Care

That leads into my next question. Many people wait until the final moments for hospice, but what could they benefit from if they did it earlier? How could you and your team of chaplains serve them better if they did this earlier? 

After exhausting all of the possible options that they have, they realized early on, “I think I’m dying. I’ve been told by my doctor that I should consider hospice.” They come to the hospice and immediately get a team of a nurse case manager. The nurse case manager is not optional. A person will have to accept a nurse case manager to be in hospice, but then every other discipline is optional. The chaplain is optional.

A person may accept or refuse a social worker as well. Those three disciplines are the main team that a person will get. In addition to that, there are massage therapists, music therapists, and volunteers, people who devote their time to be with people, to provide socialization, and so on. What a person can get, especially if they utilize the team in terms of accepting a chaplain, a social worker, and a volunteer. They benefit from the support that those folks bring into the home.

Oftentimes, when a person comes to hospice, they have been going to doctors for many months. They are spending most of their time driving to doctors’ appointments and doing treatments that cause them to be so sick that they can’t spend time with their families. When a person comes home, they get all that time back. For me, I’m in home care. A person may be in hospice in different settings. It could be a nursing home, an assisted living facility, and so on. Wherever they are, we go to them.

All of the services now come to their home. Immediately, there is a relief from having to make trips to the doctor. A person gets their time back to use in more beneficial ways in terms of being with their loved ones and saving that strength. For most people, it comes down to family and the love of their family. They can have more energy to spend time with their family. It’s not uncommon that a person who comes home feels a little bit better at first. They actually get better, especially when they come from the hospital.

They feel a little bit better. Their sense of well-being goes up because they’re at home and they’re getting the support at home. For people who are open to it, they can have conversations with us and begin to process what they have been through and what’s coming. At least for me, I don’t try to steer the conversation in a certain way. I start in a very general way, but I try to make it as organic as possible to let the person talk about what they need to talk about, to unburden themselves as they prepare for their own dying process. It takes time.

The shift from the person who is transitioning, is there any support for the loved ones who are around? Do they have the opportunity to lean into the chaplain or the social worker, or is it strictly care for the person dying? 

We are there for the families as much as for the patient. The patient is why we’re there. One thing that I often say is that family members are the primary caregivers. Maybe this leads to another one of the misconceptions of hospice. Sometimes, people may think, “Hospice is there. That means hospice is going to do everything. Hospice is going to be there 24/7.” That is not true. Hospice is available 24/7, but we’re not present in the home 24/7.

We support the family members who are the ones that are doing their care. We need to support them so that they can continue doing that very essential work. We are very much there for the family members. Some family members take full advantage of us. They can process their own grief. We have health aides as well who can go into the home and assist with personal care. That eases the burden of the caregiver. 

Sadly, in a lot of families, one person is saddled with most of the caregiving. Sometimes, I do see exceptions to that, which is beautiful. Family members are coming together and sharing the load. I would say it’s rare. Often, one person bears the load, and then other family members are peripherally there. They come and visit and so on, but then they go away. We’re there. We provide a lot of support for that person. 

You have formed chaplain services in what state? 

In New York.

I’ll preface this question to the area in which you are familiar. If someone has not reached out for hospice services because of cost. What are some things in relation to the state of New York that people should seek out as far as how to cover the cost for hospice? 

I will preface this by saying I am not an expert on the financial aspects of hospice, of how that works. Broadly, my understanding is that hospice services are covered by Medicare. The communities that we serve, most of those people are on Medicare. Medicare will cover pretty much everything if they have that. In some cases, where a person may not be on Medicare because they’re a younger person, some private insurance can cover that. I don’t want to delve too far into that.

The takeaway is to check out Medicare and check out your health insurance. 

That’s right. That’s the takeaway. People aren’t paying out of pocket for our hospice services. 

Why Caregiving Often Leads To Burnout

I want to circle back for something you mentioned about the people who are the caregivers. What do families underestimate most about the emotional and physical toll of caregiving as it relates to someone coming home for hospice? 

It’s how physical it is. Unfortunately, I can’t speak from my own experience. I’m very humble about that. I haven’t yet gone through my own experience of being a caregiver for someone. I will say that we will all be touched by it. Whether we will at some point either become a caregiver or we will be helped by one or more than one. With what I have witnessed over the many hundreds of people I have been with, it’s the physicality of it. It can wear out a person’s body, having to lift and to turn. If their loved one falls, they might try to help them up. They often can’t help. 

We’re often talking about people in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s, where in many circumstances, maybe the spouse is in their 80s. They have children, but the children live far away. They have their own lives. I’m not judging anyone, but this is the reality. Oftentimes, a lot of children don’t feel like they’re able to pause their lives to commit and to provide more full-time help. Oftentimes, it’s older people helping their spouses. It takes a tremendous physical toll. I would say even for a younger person.

Dead weight is no joke. When somebody cannot support their own body weight, it is hard to move them, help change them, bathe them, and so on. There’s the emotional toll of watching yourself lose that loved one piece by piece. Every time they lose an ability, whether it is to walk. That is one loss. They don’t have the energy to have a lot of conversation anymore. That is a loss. There are these moments of micro grief that a person is going through at every stage when a person becomes bedbound. By the way, this is true for the patient as well.

For the caregiver witnessing this, they are also going through a very similar journey. It can take a heavy emotional toll. I’ll share this one more thing about what caregivers’ face. It’s funny you asked this question. I was having a conversation with a friend about this, who went through their own grief journey of losing their spouse. We were talking about this. What sadly happens to caregivers is that they stop taking care of their own health. They cancel doctors’ appointments because they don’t have anyone to stay with their husband or wife. 

They cancel appointments. They stop taking care of themselves. They’re focused on the person. Their health can also start to deteriorate and go down. I had a situation once where I witnessed a caregiver taking care of their mom do this. The caregiver was in hospice, maybe a year and a half later. The caregiver died because they weren’t able to take care of their own health. That is the ultimate cost of what can happen to someone. 

Thank you for explaining that, because that is something that people wrestle with. Do I bring my loved one home? Am I not loving them correctly if I don’t do this? For the person who may be tuning in to this conversation, they may have chosen to leave their loved one in a facility or a hospital, and they transition there. Maybe they’re considering that. The guilt is weighing on them for making the decision that this is not something they can carry. What would you say to them? 

I will say that you are not a bad person. You’re not an evil person. You are not a selfish person. You are a person who has been given a very heavy burden. I’m humble about the fact that I have only witnessed this thus far. Most people cannot understand how burdensome it is. To add to your question, what adds to the guilt is family members criticizing the primary caregiver. What we often see is that a caregiver may do their best to keep someone at home until they can’t. There’s no warning. We call that caregiver breakdown.

It’s a car breaking down on the road. They cannot go on. It’s not a premeditated thing of, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” They just can’t. It’s like a car running out of gas. When a person reaches that point, and they have to make a decision, “I think it’s time now.” That decision is the right one for that person. It is to the extent that they are able to be kind to themselves, knowing that they have done everything possible to try to keep a loved one at home. That they had to do this. 

At the end of the day, if a caregiver breaks down to the point where their health is impacted, then they are of no help to the loved one anyway. There are certain circumstances where it just has to happen. It may not be that dramatic. They may just know in themselves that they know that they can’t do this, even long before it happens. This is why having conversations can be very helpful. Have open conversations about these things. Within a marriage, these can be difficult conversations.

If my wife says to me, “I don’t know if I could take care of you. I don’t know if I could do all the wiping and all this stuff.” It’s a chance to talk about, “What are our options?” When the time comes, it’s not a shock. I don’t judge folks who just know in themselves that they can’t do it. It’s good to know that. It’s good to have that self-awareness and to communicate that early on. They are not bad people. That would be the thing I would want to say, first and foremost. We are human. We are limited. Sometimes, we have to make these hard choices. 

How A Chaplain Can Support Non-Religious People

In the regards of hard choices, if you have a person that’s interested in the support of a chaplain, but they are not religious. Is a chaplain going to be able to help them? If so, what would that look like? 

It’s very hard for us to describe exactly what we do, but we need to do a better job of talking about the ways that we can help families. Let’s say it’s not in a religious context. Your question is a good one. A religious context can be a little bit easier because if a person is helped by their faith, it gives them strength. It gives them the emotional strength to bear suffering and so on. That is a little bit more straightforward.

Let’s say somebody doesn’t have that framework. A lot of the work is helping a person first come to terms with the fact that they’re dying or helping the loved one come to terms with the fact that the person they love is dying. That’s the first thing, because even when a person comes to hospice, it’s not natural for us to contemplate our own death.

Everything about our bodies is built to keep us alive and to keep us going. To contemplate not being here is something that most of us cannot even imagine. When somebody is being forced to confront this, it can be very jarring and hard. Not everyone is open to this. What a chaplain can do is to be a witness to someone wrestling with coming to terms with their own dying. That in itself can be a huge help. It sounds like a small thing, but I want people to know that it is not a small thing. 

When I hear witness, that word can be underestimated. You are not watching them. You are letting them know they are not alone in this process. You are walking beside them in this transition as they wrestle with, “What will my children do when I’m not here?” It’s letting them talk or someone thinking, “I’m afraid. I don’t know what’s going to happen,” and providing comfort. When I hear witness. I hear, walking beside someone.

Thank you very much for clarifying that. That is exactly what I mean, and practicing compassion. Compassion means to suffer with. We’re walking in the shoes, to the extent that we’re able. I’m not going through the experience, so I cannot literally feel the pain that they’re feeling. Since I am human and I know what it’s like to suffer, I can feel for them and feel with them. It’s emotionally hard work.

It’s feeling people in that setting. It’s a skill to sit with someone and have them feel completely heard by you and understood. We live in a culture where when we’re listening to them, we’re thinking about what we’re going to say next or we’re looking at our phone or thinking about what’s on the grocery list, or so on. Chaplains are trained to be fully in the moment with someone. 

When they talk to us, they feel like they are truly being understood when they talk about how painful this is. It’s like, “My siblings across the country think I’m doing the wrong thing. They think that I should not have put mom in hospice. They’re judging me. These people are fighting over the money because that’s all they’re waiting for.” All of the messiness, they feel heard, and they don’t feel judged.

>The way this might look, I’ll give a concrete example. This was years ago, probably in my first three years of being a hospice chaplain. I had a gentleman, a very lovely man, who decided to have me come. This is what often happens. We spent many weeks talking about fluffy stuff, everyday stuff, such as the weather or what they did for a living. A lot of that is trying to assess the chaplain to see if this is somebody that they can trust with the deeper things that they want to talk about.

It’s something I take seriously. I know that we are constantly being assessed when people talk to us. They want to know, “Is this a person whom I can trust with my deepest, darkest fears and somebody who will not judge me?” After many weeks, this gentleman finally said, “There is something that’s been bothering me. There is something that I did that I have never told anyone. It’s been weighing on my soul for all these years. Now that I’m dying, it’s hard because I feel like I will be damned because of this thing that I did.”

This person happened to be Catholic. In the Catholic context, a person can go to a priest, say their sins, and receive absolution for their sins. This could apply to anyone. It’s just about bearing witness to someone’s pain. They referred to this thing. I never asked them what it was because that would not be an appropriate question. That was beside the point. We sat with that. They eventually said, “I would like to see a priest to talk about this thing that I’ve never told anyone.”

I’m not a priest, so I cannot hear a person’s confession. I can connect someone with a priest. That’s part of our role. We can connect people to their own religious leader. Whether it’s a rabbi, a priest, or an imam. They wanted to be connected with a priest. First, they wanted to divulge to me what that thing was. No prompting from me. I never asked them. They wanted to share with me what it was. They told me.

What they were met with was a compassionate person who did not judge them, who listened, and who was able to offer words of affirmation to say, “You are still loved.” That was so healing for that person. That helped them have the courage to then go to confession and have this with the priest. They practiced with me. That’s a concrete example of many examples I could give you as to how a chaplain can be helpful to someone.

That’s a religious context. Someone tuning in can extrapolate that into their own context, where it’s allowing someone to unburden themselves. You don’t have to be a religious person. You have to unburden yourself because we’re carrying all of these shameful things that nobody else knows about, things that we’ve done. Whether it was stealing money, and nobody knew. You got away scot-free.

These things come back to haunt us. A person has a space to be able to unburden themselves before they die. Part of why coming to hospice sooner is often better is that a person needs time. They need time to get there. This is not a one conversation. This could be after ten visits that a person is finally ready to begin unburdening themselves.

If you were to think of one major takeaway for someone tuning in to this conversation. What would that look like for you? 

The one takeaway would be, don’t be afraid to talk about death and dying. Talking about death and dying will not kill you. Somehow, we’re afraid that if I utter the words death, it will come and chase me down. The fact is that we are all going to die. That is the fact. As I said before, it is almost impossible for healthy human beings to contemplate that. It’s only when our bodies force us to contemplate it. That’s when we have to face it. We can start having the conversation. That would be the big takeaway. 

Have the conversation with your spouse. You can just gently have it over a cup of coffee. “I’ve been thinking about what I might want if I have a terminal illness. Where will I want to be? Will I want to be at home? Will I want to be in a nursing home? Will I want to be in assisted living? Who would I want around me? Do I want a DNR?” This is getting me into more technical things, but a DNR means do not resuscitate. Most are like, “What do I want? Do I want to be resuscitated?” Start to gingerly have those conversations. There is no right way. There is no wrong way. Be open to having conversations. 

Chaplain George’s Venture Into TikTok

What made you get on TikTok?

One of the wonderful things about being a chaplain is that I gained so much insight. It’s almost like being a cup overflowing with insights and revelations because people teach us so much. When we’re bearing witness, it’s a two-way street. We gain so much because there are lessons and things that I take away from almost every patient. I find myself overflowing with ideas and things that I feel like I have to unburden myself. 

I have to share these things. Years ago, I started a blog. It started with a blog about spiritual life. That was a more general spiritual life blog. I shared a lot of the insights that I learned as a hospice chaplain. I have many blog posts. I started a YouTube channel. This has been for maybe some years. I felt a voice saying, “You need to be on TikTok.” I don’t know if it’s the voice of God. I’m a procrastinator. I don’t like to admit that, but I put it aside. 

TikTok was in the news. Are they going to get rid of it? Is it going to stay? I hadn’t been on TikTok. I have very little interest in TikTok, but I felt like I needed to be on TikTok. I finally decided to turn on my phone and started recording videos. I’m early in that process. I haven’t developed a good rhythm yet because they want you to post every day. It’s always a challenge, but I am happy. The feedback I’ve gotten so far has been so affirming. The comments and the views have been so affirming. I want to grow that channel.

What is your channel on TikTok? 

It’s @TheHospiceChaplain. A lot of what’s driving me is the questions you asked in the beginning. It’s the misconceptions that people have about hospice that prevent them from getting excellent care at the end of life. People are denying themselves what’s possible because of these misconceptions when it comes to hospice and also the role of the chaplain.

My TikTok tip for you for content is that you can make a list of four different misconceptions. Every week, post once. Maybe every Tuesday or whatever, once a week. That everyday thing can be overwhelming. You have these different topics, or maybe what your chaplain could do for you. That’s another four weeks that may help in that process. 

I’m still very much experimenting with what a good frequency is and making topics. That’s the big driver. I want to truly educate people who have any interest or any inkling about what hospice can be and what end-of-life can be. It doesn’t have to be scary. 

Thank you for this conversation. I’d like to give my guests an opportunity to be the host. Any questions that you may have for me?

Thank you for that opportunity. This is a wonderful surprise. I know that your journey started with loss, losing a loved one, losing your spouse. Maybe it didn’t start it. Maybe it started before, but that was a moment for you. What drives you now? What continues to drive you all these years? I don’t know how many years, but I imagine it’s been some time. What continues to drive you in this work? 

2026 makes nine years since my husband, Mark, breathed his last breath in this world. It’s the same thing that drove me when I started this, and going on for four years. This was five years after my husband passed, before this work, this organization, Widowhood Real Talk with Tina, came into existence.

What drives me is God continually confirming that this is what He wants me to do by the opportunities that open, the doors that God opens, even though Widowhood Real Talk with Tina is a non-religious organization. Meeting people at their place of pain doesn’t require you to bring, or the title is, to talk about God in the room.

It’s being there with them. It is my personal faith with God that leads me, guides me, and confirms what God would have me to do in the need for community, for people who are forgotten about. I’m a breast cancer survivor. There’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. There are all these different things. I am a US Army veteran. There are things for veterans.

There are things out there, but I don’t see a plethora of things to support the bereaved. If it is, it’s after the person died and a little bit after. What happens a year later when they have now woken up out of this grief fog? Everyone has been with them in March through the first year. We’ve checked off all the things. That person is still dead. 

What happens now that they finally want to start talking about it, and everyone else is gone about their way? They’re like, “I thought you had gotten over that. You hadn’t said anything for a while. I thought you were okay.” You realize, “I’m never going to be that person I used to be. I can be a different version of okay, but I want to say his name. I want to say her name.” I don’t want to have to silence that. I don’t want to have to feel weird or something like that. 

It’s being able to create a community where a widow may contact me and then find out there’s another widow in close proximity to her. They create a community where they’re at. I am seeing people having a better sense of belonging than what they had before and knowing that that’s cool to be able to do that, connect people to have a butterfly release ceremony, and see somebody who has been suffering from the loss of a loved one and how holding a butterfly and watch it fly off can bring them joy and something that they haven’t smiled in a long time. It’s those moments.

That’s incredible. I’m so grateful for you, for what you do, and for bringing people into community because you’re right. For people who have lost, a part of them dies. It never comes back. That part of you that that particular person brought out is gone. You’re absolutely right. Where do you see this going? Is there a need out there that you feel isn’t being currently served by anyone or by your organization or a space that you’d like to start moving into? 

Not only have we identified it, but we have a plan for it. The death of a spouse impacts a family financially. People are very uncomfortable talking about the death of a spouse, let alone going further to talk about the financial impact. Unfortunately, men tend to leave this world sooner than women. Statistically speaking, most people don’t have life insurance. They’re talking about, “If something happens to me.” It’s when. It’s not if. 

Unfortunately, people may leave this world much younger than they felt they had time to get life insurance. I see situations where people are devastated economically because of the passing of a spouse. The remaining person now needs to have a livable wage. That requires education. Maybe the children were in college or in some type of technical training. They now need money to be able to afford an education.

On May 16, 2026, we are hosting a gala here in Norfolk, Virginia, called Hope Grows Here. The goal is to raise $50,000 to start a college scholarship fund so people can start having a place to apply to or tap into. That one or both parents have passed, and be able to start having a place dedicated to that particular gap, to be able to have funding to help with education. 

In that same realm of financial gap, we have a program called Children of Widowhood Secret Santa. I want to say the application process is June 1st through the 30th. It’s on our website under Events in the dropdown. You click apply. In 2024, we had seven families. In 2025, we had eleven families. Each child is allowed to select five gifts. We put up their Amazon list. It is anonymous. The people giving have no names. They have no location. You only know the city and state that someone’s in.

You purchase that gift, and it goes directly to them. It’s the idea that some of those people had a situation where both parents were deceased, and it was a guardian. That the financial impact of having to carry that load, the sense of joy and community. It’s knowing that a random stranger purchased a gift so my child could have something to look forward to Christmas, and take that weight off. We ask businesses and individuals to help us sponsor families and to be able to relieve that burden from them.

That is incredible. Thank you so much for this incredible work. 

Discussion Wrap-up And Closing Words

Thank you. I will allow you to close out this conversation to our audience. 

I want to say to anyone who’s tuning in, know that you are not alone. I know that feels like a cliché. It’s often said. It’s true that there are people who are going through the same thing that you are. You just may not have met them yet. Know that there is support for you. Know that you are loved, even though you may be going through something very hard. Oftentimes, the feeling is, “I must have done something wrong. The universe is against me.” Know that in the universe, there’s love. 

I hope that those tuning in can feel that love and can feel like they can reach out. They can reach out for support. Organizations like yours make it possible. It’s a guiding light for people who are in the dark. You mentioned that people in caregiving have an invisible world. You’re shining a light. My hope, my prayer, is that we can all, with courage, lean into that light and be open. Thank you so much again.

Thank you.

Important Links

• Chaplain Cylon George on LinkedIn
• Chaplain Cylon George on YouTube
• @TheHospiceChaplain on TikTok
• Spiritual Living For Busy People
• Widowhood Real Talk with Tina
• Hope Grows Here
• Children of Widowhood Secret Santa

About Chaplain Cylon George

Chaplain Cylon George is a seasoned hospice chaplain and digital creator dedicated to demystifying end-of-life care and spiritual resilience. With over a decade of experience in ministry and media, he bridges the gap between clinical support and soulful connection, sharing insights on the vital importance of spirituality through his blog, YouTube, and TikTok channels.
He holds degrees in Theology, Computer Science, and Music, and is the author of three books, including Self-Love: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally.
A blog where people can sign up if they want to stay in touch with me? It’s https://www.spirituallivingforbusypeople.com