Bereavement

Navigating The Tough Part Of Grief Together With Tina Fornwald, Founder Of Widowhood Real Talk With Tina

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Tough Part Of Grief

  Navigating the grief process is hard, and nobody knows just how tough it is better than the person who is going through it. But even the most challenging aspects of the whole healing journey are surmountable with the right mindset and tools. In this episode, Tina Fornwald takes special attention to speak to us about navigating the tough part of grief. Specifically, she shares tips on overcoming the anger, guilt, and isolation that many people experience upon their loved one’s transition. Tune in to hear more of Tina’s wisdom! — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Navigating The Tough Part Of Grief Together With Tina Fornwald, Founder Of Widowhood Real Talk With Tina It is the month of May 2024, and Widowhood Real Talk with Tina is celebrating our Founder’s birthday. Yes, that’s me, and we invite you to help us celebrate. How? By donating $5 in the month of May. Five and five. See what we’re doing there with that? How do you do that? Text Hopeful Hearts to 53555. Thanks for helping us celebrate and support a worthy cause. Let’s get into this episode. — I am staying true to my promise of conducting a solo podcast at least once a quarter. Today is May 16th, 2024, and you are helping me celebrate my birthday. I want to say thank you in advance for the $5 donation going towards the Widowhood. Widowhood Real Talk with Tina is a registered 501(c)(3) nonprofit on a mission to support the people who are grieving in our world. At some time or another, we are all grieving. Having a community is helpful, which leads to our conversation.   Why People Get Stuck In Grief I am going to tackle things that people have asked me about, where I have found the pattern of people being stuck in grief, and what my recommendations are for working yourself out of grief. The first thing that I’d like to tackle is when people feel the death of their loved one was a personal attack. Let me say this is not related to the death of a loved one that has a crime related to it, or there was a murder or something that was intentional. That certainly has different implications, which I am sorry for. I am referring to situations where, such as my husband having a heart attack at the age of 51, someone’s mother, cousin, uncle, sibling, or child dying earlier than they anticipated, maybe an accident, but feeling like their loved ones’ leaving of this Earth was a personal attack to them. That is something that I find often puts people in a place of feeling like they’re stuck and unable to move forward. That also goes to the second item, which is guilt. When people carry an immense amount of guilt related to their loved one’s death, it keeps them in a place of being stuck. They cannot move forward. They feel as if they would have only done something different if they had stayed home, not gone to work, done CPR better, given them that last meal, or forced them to go to the doctor. They think that there was something they could have done to prevent their loved one from leaving this world. That often leaves people in a place of being stuck. The third thing that I have seen that allows people to be stuck is isolation. It is being alone. These three things you may say don’t relate to me, and that’s fine. I am sharing three things that I have found as a pattern overall when dealing with people related to grief. That is the person who feels like the death of their loved one was a personal attack. They feel like God or a higher power took their loved ones from them. That is the person who wrestles with guilt, feeling as if they could have controlled the situation. The third person is isolation, where they are alone. They are disassociated from society, and they do not want to interact with anyone. They have come to a place where they feel like no one cares. They feel like no one understands their pain or grief. They feel like they have lost themself in the grief fog, and being around other people will not help them. I want to encourage you to do the opposite of that. It may be hard to digest, but I would ask you to entertain three other things that are different from that. One, death and life are a part of our existence. All of us will transition from this world. That is the reality. If we are able to come to peace with that reality, it will disassociate the idea that the death of our loved one was a personal attack. If we’re able to find peace with the reality that life and death are part of our existence, it will eliminate us from thinking that the death of our loved one was a personal attack.   It’s not granted. I’m not a fan of it. I won’t be happy that it happened. That is not what I’m asking you to consider, but I’m asking you to consider the reality that our loved ones leaving this world is part of human existence. If you’re able to take a sliver of that concept, it will eliminate you from feeling like somebody, someone, some power, some being, and God made this happen to you. It is part of life. As our own existence will end, the ability to now harness the love that we have from our person who is no longer here, harness everything we learned in our relationship with them, harness everything that they were good and the things that we learned that they were not good to use that in our existence in living. We get to honor every person with whom we have traveled this life journey. We get to show …

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Grief Transformation: Actively Healing From Unresolved Grief With Ghulam Fernandes

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Ghulam Fernandes | Unresolved Grief

  Oftentimes, people are stuck in grief and don’t know how to get out of it. And that sucks because most of the time, the other parts of our lives are perfectly fine but we aren’t present enough to enjoy them. Healing from unresolved grief is an active process, not a passive one, as today’s guest explains. Ghulam Fernandes is a grief transformation coach who specializes in unresolved grief. Ghulam has had multiple bereavements, something that she draws upon a lot when working with her clients. Ghulam believes that you can and should take active steps to heal yourself from grief and live your life fuller. She shares some of the resources that will help you do just that. Tune in to learn more about her transformative work and how it can make all the difference in your grief and rebirth journey! — Watch the episode here   Listen to the podcast here   Grief Transformation: Actively Healing From Unresolved Grief With Ghulam Fernandes Our guest is Mrs. Ghulam Fernandes. She is a grief transformation coach. She has had multiple bereavements growing up. Without the right knowledge, tools, and processes was stuck for years in pain and therapy. She is now passionate and training others in how to deal with unresolved grief, so they can move forward and get their life back. She had extensive personal experience with grief and training for over two years with the Grief Recovery Institute and also with Edu-Therapy UK in January 2022. She started her handling grief practice and has been working with individuals who are stuck in the pain of their grief to teach them the knowledge, tools, and processes that they can use to identify the process of all past, present, and future grief. She loves seeing lives transformed. Let’s get into this conversation now.     Ghulam, thank you for joining me. It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much for the invitation. I’m so excited to be able to be here and for us to have a conversation that can be a light to people who may be struggling in the dark. Same here. What would you like to share about yourself initially? I just became a grandmother, which has revolutionized my life. Are you a good grandmother or are you one of those grandmothers that maybe get away with everything?  It’s still early days. I’m trying to be a good grandmother because I know that without a lot of love, but also clear boundaries, children can grow up a bit wild. That doesn’t serve anybody. She makes me laugh so much. We live in a world that is full of challenges at the moment. Everywhere you look, there’s bad and sad news or even sadder and worse news. I’ve created a little file of my granddaughter, and all the different pictures and videos that my son sends me. Now and then, I think, “I need some granddaughter time.” I go in there and I’ll just laugh and smile until I feel restored, and then I’m back to being able to cope with the reality of the world that we live in. We all need something that brightens our hearts and brings a smile to our faces. She’s my first granddaughter, so that’s made it special. She has your heart in a different way. My youngest sister’s daughter and her husband who is in the Navy, your reaction is the same reaction I see from my sister when she talks about her grandson and how it bubbles her up inside. It’s that newness of life, the freshness, and the innocence of it all. It’s all so good and pure before they’ve been bombarded with things in life. It’s that purity of expressing themselves by saying, “If she’s not happy, you’ll know about it. If she’s smiling, you’ll know about it.” We get into, “Should I say this? Shouldn’t I say this? What will people think?” Monitoring and censoring ourselves and not being ourselves is not helpful to anybody. She’s extra special. We’ll talk about that in a little while. In my brief journey where I had multiple losses growing up, one of the things that happened was I had three miscarriages, and we don’t know about the first because the baby never really started forming. The second two were little girls. I had two sons and my husband. I always felt outnumbered. I was very excited when I thought I was going to have a little girl. After the miscarriage, that didn’t happen. It felt really special now that we have got a little girl in the family. Thank you for sharing that part because what we don’t know oftentimes is the backstory of a situation. Having this authentic, real talk brings some of those things to light that we generally may not be able to have a conversation with someone. I know that sometimes people’s friends will listen to a podcast and find out something about their friend that they didn’t know because the conversation didn’t come up or there wasn’t a safe space to have it. I appreciate you sharing that. Unfortunately, I also have experienced having a miscarriage. The first trimester was right around my late husband’s birthday, and that was my first introduction to grief. As you and I know, grief is surrounded by a lot of different things. Oftentimes when people hear grief, they dive towards someone who has lost a loved one, which is absolutely grief, but it does expand further than that, which is what complicates life because we don’t realize by the time we’re dealing with the death of a loved one, it’s compounding from 6 or 7 other different things that we handle. This was the one that may have broken us or put us in a place where we can never pay attention to everything else because it’s not only the death of that loved one, but it’s a compounding of other grief experiences that we’ve had. Now, everything crumbles …

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