coping with grief Archives - Widowhood Real Talk with Dr. Tina

Finding Strength In Widowhood: 14 Lessons On Healing & Hope

Podcast / May 29, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Widowhood Journey

Grief can feel isolating, but the truth is, you’re not alone. In this episode, Tina Fornwald shares her widowhood journey, opening up about the 14 lessons she learned across struggles and surprising moments of healing after loss. From the power of community to embracing new purpose, Tina explores the realities of life after losing a spouse. She reflects on the emotions, memories, and unexpected challenges, offering heartfelt insights for those walking a similar path. Whether you’re grieving, supporting a loved one, or searching for hope, this conversation provides comfort and understanding. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Finding Strength In Widowhood: 14 Lessons On Healing & Hope This is a conversation that I’m having with you. Many of you have asked me what are some things that I have learned along this journey of widowhood. I have a list right here and I’ll go over them one by one. Also, please email me at WidowhoodRealTalk@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear the things that you have learned on this widow’s journey or your grief journey in particular. If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, please share the things that you have learned about them, because it will be able to help others. #1: I Am Not Alone Number one, I am not alone. The thing about this grief journey is the head chatter, the things that will come into your head that, “No one else could be in this much pain. No one else could have this much suffering. No one else could be living this difficult life.” That is not true. I learned I was not alone. I learned that there are thousands more widows and widowers daily. #2: Community Knowing that wasn’t a trauma bonding type of situation, but it told me, “Tina, you are not the first person to endure this nor will you be the last,” which means it is something that I can live through, move forward, and I will at one point in time be okay. When I learned that, it changed my mindset from, “I don’t know if I can do this. This will never work out,” to, “Though it is painful, I have the capacity inside of me to be able to keep living.” It was important for me to know I was not alone. That circled into the idea of how powerful number two is, which is community. When I realized I was not alone, I reached out to every widow and widower that I knew. I made time to be in their presence, whether it was in person or on the phone. I had so many questions and they were so willing to answer. That community created for me was so important. It gave me the ability to be able to keep living, to know that I was not alone, and that other people would encourage me. They would share their journey with me. They would let me know that this is something that they experienced. They shared their version of it. It allowed me to take their pieces of this journey and create my own. #3: Memories, Good & Bad Number three, memories are good and memories are bad. What that looked like for me is I had to take my time when I wanted to see the memories. Sometimes, it was all at once, and then it was that I didn’t want to see them at all. I had to be honest with myself about what that looked like. I remember one time when I was looking at pictures of Mark and listening to voice messages in particular because hearing his voice made it feel so good. I fell asleep with my phone in hand. When I woke up, all the messages were gone. I was devastated. I went to the phone store, standing there crying profusely and unhinged. I feel so sorry for whoever was at that Verizon store and had to help me that day. I probably left them shaken, but I was devastated. There was nothing they could do to get those phone messages back, and that was bad. I reached out to my children and I asked them to share with me the messages that they had with their dad’s voice and they sent them to me. It is a precious thing to have. I encourage you, if possible, to please take the pictures. Please create the memories. Please cement them with audio and videos because one day, you won’t be able to. The good part is there are tons of pictures of Mark and tons of memories with him and the children that I will cherish as long as I can breathe. #4: Music And Smells Number four, music and smells. I remember the songs that we danced to and the songs that Mark played. Mark was a hard-rock kind of guy. I learned the Eagles and so much music that I never thought of before by being with him and being married to him. I remember the smell of chili. Mark used to make chili from scratch at home. He’d have a big pot in putting it together. When I’m having chili and rice, I think of him. The smell of a bonfire, because our family had a bonfire every year, and the smell of wood burning brings back so many memories of him. Also, his cologne. He wore a gray flannel. When he passed away and I was moving from Pennsylvania to Virginia, I packed up so much stuff. Some things I got rid of,

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A Journey Of Healing Through Motherless Mother’s Days With Jasmine Burch

Podcast / May 15, 2025

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Jasmine Burch | Motherless

As we approach Mother’s Day, today’s episode is a heartfelt tribute to the unseen journeys of grief, healing, and connection. Our special guest, Jasmine Burch, offers a powerful perspective that’s often left unspoken—the experience of losing a parent as a child. At just 21 years old, Jasmine has turned her personal pain into wisdom, using journaling, community, and open conversation to navigate grief and find her voice. In this deeply moving conversation, she shares how she went from bottling up her feelings to building a supportive space—first online, and now through the Widowhood community. Whether you’ve experienced loss or love someone who has, this episode will open your heart and give you the words you’ve been longing to hear. Let’s step into the Widowhood with Jasmine. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World. — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here A Journey Of Healing Through Motherless Mother’s Days With Jasmine Burch Our guest Jazzy is a special guest for this episode close to Mother’s Day. You are going to learn a lot from this young lady. She is going to share the perspective from a child losing a parent, and provide helpful tips that you long to hear. Let’s get into this conversation now. Jazzy, welcome to the Widowhood. When you hear, “Welcome to the Widowhood,” if I could see the ticker tape going across your forehead, what were your first thoughts? My first thoughts originally, because I have before and then now, being more immersed into it, when I first heard about it, I thought widowhood was just for people who have lost spouses. For a while there I was like, “I don’t know if I fit into this.” After being a part of it more and being part of conversations, I think it’s important for everyone in their grief. I haven’t been married, I haven’t lost a spouse, but everyone has grieved someone and to be able to talk about it with other people is a really cool experience because sometimes you don’t have anyone to relate to that. It’s a very big difference from when I first heard about it until now. Okay. Thank you. That means it goes in line with what our intention was. I’m from Chicago, so hood to me means more family and that connection. When my husband passed and I became a widow, my children lost a parent, their brothers lost a sibling, the nieces and nephew lost an uncle. Even though the widow or widower may be the focus of the conversation, everybody else is involved in that. When we do come together and share our different versions of loss from that same person, I don’t know. Tell me what it creates for you when you hear different people talk about that. The Importance Of Community In Grief I think finding a community when you are grieving is super important because with grief itself it’s super easy to get caught in the super dark place and it’s really hard to get yourself out of it. If you have people who relate, even if it’s not the exact same way as you, if you have people you can talk to and who can understand things in a different perspective than you, it can really be super eye-opening. It also helps you within yourself because you’re like, “I don’t feel so alone in this. I don’t feel I have to bottle it up so that I don’t bug other people with it,” or at least that’s how it is for me. No, you make a common statement. How did you go from not being bottled up and feeling you were bothering people to start talking about the person you love and who is the person you love and what is their name? The person I love is my mom. Her name is Dawn. I never talked about my grief. It wasn’t ever something that I thought I could talk about because the adults in my life were never able to be at a place where they could talk about it. We could say her name in passing, we could talk about certain things here or there, but the general topic of her and grief in general just was off the table completely. It wasn’t until I came on tiktok and I found other people that I connected to that I felt super comfortable around. In being in those lives, I got connected to you and I didn’t realize how many people were currently grieving people they’ve lost. While it’s not in the same sense of like they lost a parent, most of the time, a lot of it was I finally have people that if I feel the need to say something because it’s been bugging me because it’s been on my chest at the top of my head. I don’t have to feel the need to shove it back down because now I have people I can talk to. I have people that you know won’t shut me down every single time I say I feel sad or I don’t know how to describe how I’m feeling. It’s a nice feeling to know I don’t have to go to my journals every two seconds to talk about it. I can talk to other people. You said a lot there. How old were you when your mother Dawn left this world? I was 8 going on 9 because she passed the month before my 9th birthday. I have so much I want to ask you but let me slow down a little bit. Going back to being able to connect and

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Forever My Brother: A Journey Through Grief And Light With Nina Rodriguez

Podcast / December 5, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Nina Rodriguez | Grief

Grief is a universal experience, yet it manifests uniquely for each individual. In this episode, Nina Rodriguez delves into sibling grief and the often-unseen struggles of those who have lost a brother or sister. Nina discusses the challenges of navigating grief within a family dynamic, where parents may be consumed by their sorrow, and the importance of extending grace to one another. She highlights the unspoken truths of masking grief at work and in families, stressing the importance of open communication and acknowledging loss. Join us for an honest and heartfelt conversation about coping with grief, honoring the memory of loved ones, and finding healing in the face of unimaginable loss. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Forever My Brother: A Journey Through Grief And Light With Nina Rodriguez Hello, Nina. Welcome. Hello, Tina, and thank you so much. It’s an absolute honor to be here. I love your work, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here and with your audience. Thank you for that. I’m like, “Are you trying to get me to start crying?” We just said hello. I joked around that I make people cry for a living, in the best way. I want to explain to my audience and people this part of this conversation with us. When we chose the name Widowhood Real Talk with TinaI that name was intentional because even though this organization was birthed out of the passing of my late husband he was my husband when we look at the “hood,” because I’m from Chicago, “hood” means family to me. Being the widow in my hood means that Mark was someone’s brother. Mark was someone’s uncle. Mark was my children’s father. He was someone’s friend. Every conversation that we have on widowhood is that conversation from who was impacted by the “hood.” Everybody is impacted differently. It could have been his health provider. It could have been his financial advisor or his lawyer. Even though the widow may be the person most visibly impacted, the person that she has lost had different relationships with other people outside of hers, and it’s always important to have a conversation from different perspectives of that person who is no longer here. Their life may be complete, but we are still going through the process of enduring our lives, living, and experiencing in their absence. The Symbolism Of A Butterfly I thank you for being open to having the conversation from your lived experience and in the things that you are doing in this journey, but I want to ask a couple of questions before we get into, maybe, the reason why we are going to talk. Tell me about the butterflies that are behind you, because I am just the blue one. Feel free to turn around. I want to go there. Tell me about those and how you came about them. I will tell you about them, but first, I want to acknowledge something you said that a loss has such a big ripple effect and profound effect on everybody who loved the person. Thank you for making space for these conversations. In my case, I didn’t lose. I’m not a widow yet, not anytime soon but I did lose my brother. He was my only sibling, and he was right behind me, right there. About the butterflies, those butterflies were a gift from my grandmother. She gave them to me when I was sixteen years old, and I have had them since. It’s not like I have a close tie to butterflies or anything like that, but I do to these because they are special. They’re something that she felt like she wanted to give me, and they remind me of her. That big one in particular I was moving, and I told my husband, “Be careful with that one,” and as soon as I said, “Be careful,” he dropped it. He was so mad, and I was like, “Of course you would.” In any case, I feel like it’s symbolic of life. Sometimes it’s a butterfly with a broken wing, and it’s still beautiful, and it still reminds me of my grandmother. I feel like it’s symbolic of her presence. They are beautiful, and I like having them around. I did not even notice that one was broken, and now that you said it but that the beauty did not become less and even paying I never saw that. We focus on Sometimes. Now that’s all I see because I’m looking now. Who is not functioning with some type of broken wing? I feel like that’s so symbolic of life, and that happened also after my brother’s passing. I said, “It feels real to what we are going through right now, very in line with what we are going through.” The Grief And Light Podcast Am I correct that you do a podcast also? Yes. I created and hosted the Grief and Light Podcast, similar to yours in that I like to give a voice to the griever’s experience. Initially, it started with me exploring my grief because, at the time so, he passed September 11, 2019, when I was looking for information, I didn’t find anything about sibling loss. Whatever little information I found was usually about somebody who passed at a very old age and somebody else losing their sibling. I said, “Where are the people who lost their siblings at my age? What are the resources?” At the time, there was nothing. I found one online grief group, and it was all over the

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Understanding The Realities Of Widowhood

Podcast / October 31, 2024

Widowhood Real Talk with Tina | Widowhood

The journey of widowhood can be a lonely road, but remember, you’re not alone. In this episode, you’ll find a raw and honest look into the complexities of widowhood. It breaks down the enduring nature of grief, debunking the myth that it magically fades after a year. This episode reflects on how losing a spouse transforms identity and emphasizes the importance of community support during this difficult time. Be encouraged to embrace new identities and to find joy in life again, while also fostering understanding and empathy among those supporting the bereaved. Tune in for an enlightening conversation about navigating life after loss. I am sharing my experience of loving the same man for 32 years, a mother to two adult children, a retired military officer, a breast cancer survivor, and my connections with others. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should reach out to a suicide hotline or local emergency number in their country: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide — Watch the episode here Listen to the podcast here Understanding The Realities Of Widowhood The Grief Journey To keep myself straight, I don’t have anybody asking me questions. I have a list right here. We are going to go down the list and I’m going to share some things with you from my perspective. I understand that everyone may see this from a different vantage point. I’m sharing with you my lived experience and conversations that I have had with hundreds of widows over the last few years. First of all, what I want people to know about widowhood is that grief is a journey. After one year, grief continues. There is not something magical that happens after one year that you should think that your friend or your family member who is grieving their spouse that this grief has completed itself. What may happen within that first year is they may no longer be dealing with a grief fog or a grief brain. You may say, “What is that?” When a person experiences a great loss, they can often have trauma in their brain. That will show up that the prefrontal cortex in the back of the head in the amygdala is operating differently. I know for myself that for the first 6 to 9 months, my brain was protecting me from the reality of the full trauma that Mark had left this world. What that did for me. I was operating in a fog. I was not my normal self. I feel like I was floating through and watching my life go as I was also a part of it. When I look back at that first year and I ask different friends and family members what they remember, my vision is cloudy. I know that is part of the mechanism of this body to be able to help protect me from that trauma. In that first year, they may have moved past that grief trauma, that grief brain, and that grief fog, but rest assured that there is more grief ahead of though. I say that to validate my widows and widowers and people who are grieving, and also for people who tune in to this episode who are supporting others who are grieving, and they want to know what is behind that veil that they may not be given privy to know and to understand. Please know that this is a life journey, and they need you. They need you as long as you know that person is no longer in this world. It does not stop after one year. The complexity of it changes. Recently, I received some documentation that required me to have to provide my late husband’s death certificate, birth certificate, marriage license, and DD-214. Seeing all of those in one sentence is more than a notion. Having to open up my safe, find these documents, and think about Mark’s life and death have catapulted me back into thinking of things that I have not thought of in a long time. It has made that grief return in a heavier and different way. I’m still able to function, but I know if this would have happened in that first year, I would not. It would be different, but I do know that there are still things happening in my life that allow my grief to resurface. I want you to know that in one year, it’s not over. A Spouse’s Identity The second part that I want you to know is a part of a spouse’s confidence, assurance, and identity has been wrapped up and connected in their marriage to their spouse. When my husband passed, I had to practice saying my name alone. I had said Tina and Mark for so long. I had to practice saying Tina without something accurate. It was hard to think about who I was if I was not Mark’s spouse. It was hard for me to think about who I was as an individual, what my goals were, and what were my life aspirations if they were not tethered to Mark’s existence. I did a lot of work. I did a lot of journaling. I did a lot of introspective looking at Tina and seeing, “Who am I? What is it that I enjoy doing? What gives me pleasure? What do I not like to do?” My identity was sometimes understanding that I don’t like green jelly. I had it in the house because Mark and the kids like grape jelly. I found out I like orange marmalade and that’s okay for me, but it took me to the grocery store, consciously choosing not to purchase things that I purchased on rote, and to look for things that were different. Do I like going to bed earlier? Do I have to have meat with every meal? Do I prefer going for a walk versus when I can drive? What do I want to do with my life and my career? All of those parts of my identity were something

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